In Which There Really Are Words
Bella is birthin' a vampire baby and it's actually bloody. You know what, IT SHOULD BE DAMMIT. Nothing else has been.
So in the makeshift ER / Library Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Jacob are struggling with Bella. Rosalie opens her up with a slash (woo!) and immediately goes berserko. Which makes no sense, since she's never killed a human and has been the most protective of anyone thus far. In any case, Jacob tackles her and they start to fight. FINALLY!
Oh, wait Alice breaks it up. Boo.
Jacob starts CPR. Bella's spine breaks (what?). Edward starts to bite through the casing.
AND WE HAVE A BABY! Woo, finally! It's a girl, Edward gives her to Rosalie as Bella's heart starts to fail. Edward injects his own venom (first mention of this plan) into Bella's heart. Jacob continues the CPR. Eward starts to bite Bella all over with venom, which seems like overkill given the heart-injection thing, but I'm not a vampire biologist. Jacob thinks Bella is dead (quitter!), goes downstairs to check on the baby, who I assume is soon to be named Renessmee.
Jacob rages out and decides maybe infanticide isn't out of the question. Why? I don't know. I guess killing the baby will make it all better. Regardless, he comes up behind the baby and boom
JACOB IMPRINTS ON THE BABY.
Holy F&%K didn't see that coming.
Oh and Bella isn't dead.
SumUp: WHATTHEFREAKINGHELLIHELLOKITTYMATICINABLENDER minus
Just... WTF.
Just to get this out of the way, the birth scene actually made me happy. It was gory. It was bloody. Bella got destroyed physically. Those are all logical conclusions given the universe that Meyer has constructed. I don't get the baby in a shell thing, but it's suitably weird given the situation. I don't get how vampire venom works or the whole bite & seal thing that Edward does, but again the universe of Twilight has already been established, these sort of things makes sense in that construct.
I don't understand why Jacob assumes Bella is dead, but he hasn't had to endure Carlisle's endless discussions on how people were converted. I REALLY don't understand why killing the baby becomes Plan B, it's nice that conspiracy to commit infanticide is now something I can tag onto Jacob's resume, though.
I really don't understand why Jacob & Leah or Jacob & Alice were impossible options. Why the setup? Why lead us down that path? Either would have been a solid bit of drama, especially Alice. Hell, that might have been a million times more interesting than Bella and Edward. But no.. instead we get.
THE MOST HORRIBLE THING IN LITERATURE
I guess 2 years old is just over the hill in the Meyerverse. Five minutes old, that's where the love is.
I joke, but seriously? The hell? THE HELL? Do I even need to go into how impossibly atrocious this is? How this is such an incredibly lazy way to end the love triangle? How ... gods, what is wrong with Stephenie Meyer?!?!?
I'm unable to put this into words at the moment, so I'll just shrug and shake my head. Won't you join me?
Doesn't make me feel a lot better, but it's something.
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