Bella and Edward leave for parts unknown via jet and we get a travelogue of Bella sleeping en route to Houston, Rio and a boat ride to some island off the Brazilian coast. It's romantic, to be sure, but the journey is dull and Meyer has given up on her descriptive skills again.
The island? It's jungle and palms. That's it.
The hosue? Big. White. Glass windows. Big beds. That's the extent of that.
Edward heads for the water, which is right outside the door. Wait, didn't hey just walk inland? Maybe it's a lagoon or lake or something.
So Bella is nervous, and Meyer manages to present her fidgeting and preparation competently. Bella showers, debates clothing, finally heads out to the water where she meets up with Edward in a skinny dip moment that fades tastefully to black.
After 3 books of dodging sex due to the unfathomable risk, Bella wakes up felling just fine. Now I've read a bit out there on the blogsphere about Bella getting knocked out in this honeymoon rendezvous, but that's not supported in the text. Bella seems to have some foggy memories of the evening, but nothing outrageous. Instead we get a brief description of a few bruises and bumps and the most tedious non-argument I've had to suffer through in a few dozen chapters.
- Ed is upset
- Bella doesn't get it
- Ed doesn't get why she doesn't get it, "How badly are you hurt?"
- Bella figures out the bruises, downplays it
- Edward gets ready to put his foot down on the whole honeymoon
- Bella insists she feels no pain and is fine
So Bella is hurt but either doesn't really know how badly or being clumserella has high after-injury pain threshold and selective memory or...
wait for it...
it wasn't that bad.
Like the blood lust in the first book. Like James being dangerous. Like Edward being too far to reach. Like the big newborn battle. Like every other bit of conflict and tension we've ever been presented with.
But I digress. She's bruised and sore. He's a sorehead. Cue SEVEN PAGES OF THEM ARGUING about this.
- Edward can't understand Bella's attitude.
- Bella doesn't get Edward's latest bout of martyrdom.
- Edward thinks it was a huge mistake.
- Bella takes it personally.
Edward vetoes any more sex.
SumUp D
Boring travelogue. Good nervousness. Lack of descriptions. TIRESOME argument.
Again, this is classic Meyer. Build something up as impossible and risky, then diffuse. Work your way to the grand climax, then bog it down in arguments and debate. This is another climax (no pun intended), the ultimate consummation of all that touching and hugging and pulling back at the last minute physical contact from the first 3 books. This chapter is the payoff for all that buildup and, like the wedding, like the newborn battle, like the ballet studio, like the square in Italy, it's undermined and flattened by Meyer.
Also, I'm off the hook for predicting a possible sex injury requiring a vampire conversion scene. Now I know that Bella is pregnant and we can look forward to the Volturi wanting to kill her baby.
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