T.04.02 Long Night

In Which We Learn The Threat Of The Book

So Bella and Edward are making out in her room filling us in on the last 3 books (ugh..) while waiting for Emmett and Jasper to take Ed to his bachelor party. This involves killing animals, which is pretty much what he does every weekend. Maybe they put stripper outfits on the mountain lions.

Edward tells a long story about Vampire babies, in which he reveals two big things: he wants babies & vampire babies are bad.

The idea is that vampires created toddler vampires, which locked them into the mindset and physical form of toddlers. They also gain some magical lovey powers so nobody wants to kill them even though they're locked in the terrible twos with super powers forever and ever. The Volturi have outlawed this practice and apparently enforce it more than the "don't tell anyone about vampires" rule.

So.
In case you missed the hammer of foreshadowing: Bella & Edward are going to have a half-vampire baby. The Volturi are going to find out and come try to kill it, even though it's not a vampire baby but just a half-vampire baby, which I'm sure is different in ways that Meyer will explain. I suspect it'll be more human than vampire, but I don't really care since this is the last book and it'll end on the big battle and the future of the baby is immaterial.

To drive home the point, Edward informs us/Bella that the Alaska connection also has a history with vampire babies and Tanya and her sisters lost their mother over one.

Edward leaves with Emmett and Jasper. Bella goes to sleep and we get an awful dream sequence that I'm ignoring on principle.

SumUp C-

Bad foreshadowing.
Tedious retelling of backstory.
Blatantly obvious conflict point.

I just don't care. Get married. Have the baby and get on with it. This book is supposed to be the climax of Bella and Edward's romantic relationship (Marriage), physical relationship (Honeymoon), Vampire nonsense (Conversion) and wrap up the Volturi (big fight at the end). This is necessary enough for the baby conflict, but it's told so poorly and slowly that I don't CARE, I just want some kind of forward momentum to develop!