In Which I Lose All Remaining Respect For Bella, Jacob and Edward
Bella wakes up (take a shot). Edward evicts Jacob about 5 hours too late and they scuffle a bit. Jacob leaves.
So... how to describe this. Edward starts to sweet talk Bella and they discuss their "ten best nights". Why? Because Jacob is still within earshot and Edward is taking off the gloves in this battle for Bella. When Bella mentions the engagement as a winner, Jacob howls in the distance. She didn't know he was there. Edward did. She realizes this.
Now honestly, this is pretty hardcore on Edward's part and I was cheering for him. After the night he stupidly tolerated, though, it makes him look really petulant and vindictive rather than ... whatever he's supposed to be. His argument that Jacob "deserved to know" is pathetic, he wanted to stab Jacob in the heart and he clearly picked the biggest knife he could find.
Bella gets all weepy about "hurting Jacob", which is true, but not for the reasons she goes on and on and on about. You're engaged lady. You're going to marry someone other than Jacob and you know how he feels. You've been teasing and leading him on and dragging this crap out for months! After the forced kiss in chapter 15, you're just downright heartless, stupid and cruel for doing nothing. So congratulations on losing your humanity before losing your humanity.
Bella turns the self-pity up three notches so Edward heads out to recover Jacob. Maybe when he gets back they can take turns kissing her. Maybe they'll figure out her top 10 most manipulative moments. Seth has shown up at some point (I'm not going to reread this crap and figure out when) and starts to get antsy until Jacob finally gets back. Supposedly there's something going on somewhere, but Meyer is determined not to show us what that is.
For unexplained (and likely unexplicable) reasons, Edward takes Seth off into the woods and leaves Jacob and Bella alone.
They argue
Jacob essentially says he's going to kill himself in the battle.
Bella goes all weepy and offers him anything to stay with her.
Really? Seriously, Bella / Meyer? This is where this chapter is going? There's a FIGHT going on between 10 Werewolves and 6 or so Vampires against Twenty newborns and maybe Victoria and this is what we're going to do? We're going to play spin the bottle with Jacob and Bella (the engaged) dozens of miles away? This is a steaming mountain of horse crap.
Jacob wants a kiss.
Bella gives it to him.
It's not good enough.
They kiss some more.
"Jacob was right... I was in love with him, too."
Wow. So cue the romantic music while Bella cheats on her psychic fiancee.
Bella and Jacob make out for a bit and then Jacob heads off to fight.
If you're hearing a rhythmic banging sound, check to see if you're banging your head against a desk and groaning in mental torment.That's what I figured out it was. It didn't relieve the pain.
SumUp F-
It's odd to have no respect left for a book and then to have it surprise you with something done this poorly.
This is obviously supposed to make the love triangle more poignant or get the readers in a Jacob frenzy or some other damn thing. Mission not accomplished. There's a mental movie Bella has of a happy life with Jacob as they make out. This is, of course, after spending the night with him and her boyfriend and while her "best friend" is planning her wedding. Am I supposed to buy any of this? Why wasn't this back in Book 2 when they were actually sort-of-dating? Do you know how great the love triangle might have been THEN? When it, you know, sort of made sense to have your protagonist narrator forming a lifelong relationship with the other dude because the loveofherlife had dumped her for her own good??
But no, Meyer is forcing this to happen at the climax of the next book, which I'll point out again is happening WHERE WE CAN'T SEE IT.
If we can't have Bella figuring out her love for Jacob while they're actually together, wouldn't it make sense to have Bella realizing thes feelings while he is clearly in danger? Like having the fight going on where our CAMERA INTO THIS UNIVERSE is actually standing? Instead, we get yet another sexual assault. Jacob threatens to KILL HIMSELF and Bella desperately tries to stop him. He demands a kiss. So add sexual blackmail and emotional abuse. Wow. Once upon a time I liked Jacob. Now he's a lowlife dirtbag. Well done, Meyer.
Amazingly enough, I don't even know if this horror show of an emotional epiphany would even make my top 10 horrible things in this book. I had a list. It made me angry to look at it so I got rid of it. Maybe I was hasty...
So far, each book has had two utterly reprehensible chapters in a row. In Book 1 it was the climax. In Book 2 it was the return from Italy, although the climax of that book almost got 3 in a row. Maybe we'll have a new record. Stay tuned
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