T.03.20 Compromise

In Which Bella Wants The Sex

And in which we get YET another negotiation between Bella and Edward. This is turning into a merger meeting between corporations.

So Edward gives Bella a gift, a "hand me down" diamond heart for her bracelet. She calls it "crystal" and Edward calls it a "bauble", but Meyer layers on a heaping pile of clues that it's some kind of monster diamond. I'd just like to point out that a diamond this size (Bella estimates it at 5K later on) would weigh significantly more than a cut crystal, but we're supposed to enjoy her ironic ignorance, apparently.

So the new deal is negotiated. In bed, I might add:

• Bella wants the sexy sex while she's still human. She makes this into a very immediate offer.
• Edward says no.
• Bella feels rejected.
• Edward soothes her feelings
• Bella insists that once she's a vampire, she'll be different. Physically, if nothing else.
• Edward breaks off a metal flower from the bedpost to prove his point.
• Bella points out his ability to resist other urges, and again, pushes the issue by starting to undress him.
• Edward stops her, proposes again.

So in the midst of all this making out, Edward trades sex later for marriage slightly less later. It's not especially well written, Bella doesn't really agree in the text, she just stops negotiating and complains about the new, not really spelled out deal. Edward actually says they're engaged, and Bella gripes about THAT.

The final deal, then is marriage, then sex, then vampirism, then... more sex I guess. I don't know if Meyer is trying to get points from the purity council or something, but that's what we end up with. Edward even complains that he's trying to protect his own virtue and that Bella is making it difficult. They discuss a quicky marriage in Vegas and Bella gripes even more.

Edward then produces a ring (his mother's, naturally) and gets down on one knee.

SumUp D+

Let me just say, Bella's complaining and moping and griping about every single solitary thing is driving me insane. I already don't like her as a character, but I'm starting to outright loathe her.

Still, I don't get Bella's point. I mean, I understand that she's worried about being -different- after the conversion, and that makes sense. Well, she'll be a living moving statue with no pulse or body temperature, but so will Edward. Without getting too graphic, is human + vampire intercourse really even something to be desired? He's rock ... er... his body is a literal statue: devoid of warmth or the elasticity of flesh. It would be like ... well, having sex with a real statue. He doesn't sweat, he doesn't breathe, he doesn't have a pulse.

Actually, how is human + vampire intercourse even possible? Biologically, he lacks some of the vital systems required to.... you know what, nevermind. That isn't the point, here. And I don't want to think about it. Or know the details. Oh gods, I don't want to know.

The point is that Edward is right. Bella's problem with being "different afterward" is ammunition for Edward, not her. She'd be, as he puts it "less breakable" and ... OK, I'm done with this. It's going to happen and..


OH Crap.

She gets knocked up, doesn't she? Somebody must've spoiled that for me. This is why she gets preggors, which has GOT to be the point of the next book. Oh... crap... Huxley's thumbnails, that's the whole plot of the next book, isn't it? The Volturi is mad because preggo Bella hasn't been turned into a vampire because she's all knocked up with Ed's vampy baby. Wait... wouldn't a vampire baby be eternally a newborn? Holy... No, not even Meyer is going to try and pull that off. It must be human... well mostly. Ow my head.

Wait... wouldn't Alice know some of this already? Is this what she held back at the end of the last chapter? Does Edward know that she's seen this? Then he HAS to know the outcome... which is... You know what, nevermind. I'm not going to try and put that puzzle together. It's insane.

Look, the chapter is fine from a fluffy, not-paying attention reading standpoint. The attraction between Bella and Edward works sometimes and fails sometimes and it's all described with details that MIGHT work if this wasn't Bella wrestling with a statue in a big, giant bed. Edward's white-knight fascade is ludicrous and boring. Bella is at least a little realistic, minus the endless negotiating. My real problem is that this is YET another tiresome argument about the future that amounts to  having the same discussion over and over. It's old hat. It's boring. It only gets a low passing score because it was easy to read and had a few nice moments where I wasn't clutching my head between my hands and moaning in mental anguish.