In Which There's Normal Plot Development
Bella is approaching graduation and her Freshman Year at Vampire University. Meyer describes the air around FHS as the senior class inches toward the big day and hits the jackpot of well-imagined and presented scenery. Signs in the school about end of year activities, fliers on the wall, class elections for the upcoming year. I'd have to guess she hit a local HS and put her best descriptive cap on, because I enjoyed every moment of it.
Angela needs help with graduation announcements and Bella uses the opportunity to both feed Charlie some normal-teenager vibes and reconnect with one of her old human friends. Alice, meanwhile, is plotting a graduation party that Bella, being some kind of anti-celebration mopey-dope, is all harsh on. In the middle of all this pleasantly paced and effectively described character development, Alice falls into a plot-related trance so we can move forward with whatever series of events will make Bella don her Damsel in Distress hat.
Edward and Alice become evasive (hey, a plot event that matches the chapter title) and do whatever it takes to not tell Bella that she's somehow in danger. Bella heads home with Edward and emails Renee while Edward investigates her room. He notices the radio that Emmett and Japser put in her truck on her last birthday (6 months prior or so). Why is he just noticing this now? He's been prowling her room nightly for months and he's just now spotting the broken radio? Edward also remembers the plane tickets and pushes Bella to go visit her mom or really disappoint Esme & Carlisle.
Bella finally turns the conversation to Alice's vision (something I think I'd ask about every hour on the hour) and Edward convinces her it was about Jasper.
Charlie comes home, Bella makes din-din, Charlie wants to visit Billy next weekend. Edward tells Charlie that Bella has tickets and there's a big discussion since she has 2 tickets and Edward would be traveling with her. Much chance for the grandkinds, Charlie reasons. Bella asks if he thinks Renee is such a terrible parent (ouch) and eventually Bella bails to Vampire Manor.
When she gets home, Charlie tries to have the sexxors talk and Bela gets embarrassed & annoyed. She finally manages to stop Charlie from showing her how contraceptives work and bails for La Push to visit Jacob. When she gets to the truck, however, she finds Edward has disabled it. No Werewolf friends for you.
SumUp A-
There's absolutely nothing wrong with this chapter that I haven't already complained about, and really there isn't too much of THAT anyway. The FHS descriptions are great, Edward and Alice's evasive vision-nonsense is old hat by now, although Meyer does a fair job making it all seem as realistic as it's likely to get. I realize that Edward is trying to get Bella to leave town for some "for her own good" reason to be revealed shortly, but we at least have the tickets from the previous book as leverage. So credit for either setting this all up beforehand or at least working the tickets into the story. The bizarre father-daughter relationship doesn't always feel right, but they're somewhat estranged anyway and I'm no expert on what this type of strained relationship.
My main complaint is that Edward is just now noticing the radio. He's really behind on his normal boundary-free exploration of Bella's room and has taken numerous trips in her truck. How has this only now become interesting to him? Minor quibble, Meyer is putting it in the "hey, remember your plane tickets" chapter as a tool to get Bella to safety (or whatever), which is a million times better than the last plan Edward devised for Bella's own good.
So we're two chapters in and I'm not nearly as horrified or depressed. Yeah, it all started so optimistically last time... and the time before that... I'll take what I can get, though.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
T.03.01 Ultimatum
In Which We Don't Really Have an Ultimatum
Jacob is writing passive-aggressive notes to Bella. He writes what he means (you're really mean, what part of "mortal enemy" is confusing) then strikes it out and writes something else. Why send the strike-out parts at all? Oh, because you mean it. Why strike it out then? Oh, so the author can sell the reader on the story while still being stuck in this first-person narrative she's chosen.
Bella knows Jacob is hurt (which he has every right to be) and knows that she manipulated his emotions and so forth for half the last book. Her feeling bad about it doesn't really change much, though.
Charlie is acting weird and reveals that he's going to let Bella off easy on her grounding. New curfew, new arrangements. He also seems keen on Bella patching things up with Jacob, which doesn't really jive with the overprotective dad mantle he's been trying to earn.
"The afternoon was the only time I spent away from Edward, and it made me restless"
So nothing new there.
Not sure how far forward of Book 2 we've jumped. Not very far, maybe a few weeks. Graduation is a bit aways.
Murders in Seattle, which makes sense. If Victoria has moved off to remain a "threat" (cough) then it helps to keep some kind of reminder that she's around.
Bella mentions that her fave book is Wuthering Heights. I know it's a classic something of something literature, but really? Wuthering Heights? I'm not a fan and I have to wonder why Meyer picked that one. My jaded, cynical side says she dropped it in because it's not Shakespeare and she wanted something classic. My more optimistic side thinks maybe it's Meyer's fave and she wanted to put it out there. Honestly I don't see this becoming the horrid, strained analogy that Romeo and Juliet was, but maybe I'm not creative enough to put that much abuse and spite into a romance novel. And again, Wuthering Heights?
In a side thought, Bella spells out the new cliques at FHS: Angela and Ben, Mike, Alice, Edward and herself form one group. Lauren and Jessica another.
Bella gets an acceptance letter from Alaska SEU and Edward arrives with more applications. Oh how I've missed his absence. His touch is cold but relieves her pain. Like Menthol. Or Crack. Plus we drag the smell + eat her conflict back up. Charlie is cold toward Edward, Edward sets up a shopping trip with Bella and Alice to make Charlie feel better. Charlie vetoes Seattle and heads off to watch TV Sports. Take a shot. New book, new rules man.
Edward has an application for Dartmouth. Bella argues, Edward collects the paperwork and tells her he'll just forge it. Solid descriptive touch when he clears the paperwork faster than she can see. Yeah, it's excessive, but it made me happy. Bella reminds Edward that she's planning to attend Vampire University (go fighting leeches!) and that all this applying is just a cover story for her immortal life of undergraduate studies. To sidetrack, we get a recap of the lingering Volturi threat and Edward mentions that the Seattle killing resembles newly created Vampires in their lack of skill. Another nice touch: the names of those killed bothers Bella.
Edward doesn't like the heights of Wuthering either, which is an annoying similarity we share. He's also going to put his footy down on visiting the phone-phobic Jacob.
SumUp B+
Nothing awful. A few nice touches of descriptive prowess, a decent summation of the outstanding untied threads and even a bit of characterization for my least favorite boyfriend. Things are looking up.
Clearly the Seattle stuff means something and one assumes that it's Victoria making baby vampires to fight alongside her to finish her weird revenge arc. Hopefully not in the same, awful late 18th chapter sort of plot explosion that we've seen in the other books.
The other books started well, too. So I'm not counting any chickens.
Jacob is writing passive-aggressive notes to Bella. He writes what he means (you're really mean, what part of "mortal enemy" is confusing) then strikes it out and writes something else. Why send the strike-out parts at all? Oh, because you mean it. Why strike it out then? Oh, so the author can sell the reader on the story while still being stuck in this first-person narrative she's chosen.
Bella knows Jacob is hurt (which he has every right to be) and knows that she manipulated his emotions and so forth for half the last book. Her feeling bad about it doesn't really change much, though.
Charlie is acting weird and reveals that he's going to let Bella off easy on her grounding. New curfew, new arrangements. He also seems keen on Bella patching things up with Jacob, which doesn't really jive with the overprotective dad mantle he's been trying to earn.
"The afternoon was the only time I spent away from Edward, and it made me restless"
So nothing new there.
Not sure how far forward of Book 2 we've jumped. Not very far, maybe a few weeks. Graduation is a bit aways.
Murders in Seattle, which makes sense. If Victoria has moved off to remain a "threat" (cough) then it helps to keep some kind of reminder that she's around.
Bella mentions that her fave book is Wuthering Heights. I know it's a classic something of something literature, but really? Wuthering Heights? I'm not a fan and I have to wonder why Meyer picked that one. My jaded, cynical side says she dropped it in because it's not Shakespeare and she wanted something classic. My more optimistic side thinks maybe it's Meyer's fave and she wanted to put it out there. Honestly I don't see this becoming the horrid, strained analogy that Romeo and Juliet was, but maybe I'm not creative enough to put that much abuse and spite into a romance novel. And again, Wuthering Heights?
In a side thought, Bella spells out the new cliques at FHS: Angela and Ben, Mike, Alice, Edward and herself form one group. Lauren and Jessica another.
Bella gets an acceptance letter from Alaska SEU and Edward arrives with more applications. Oh how I've missed his absence. His touch is cold but relieves her pain. Like Menthol. Or Crack. Plus we drag the smell + eat her conflict back up. Charlie is cold toward Edward, Edward sets up a shopping trip with Bella and Alice to make Charlie feel better. Charlie vetoes Seattle and heads off to watch TV Sports. Take a shot. New book, new rules man.
Edward has an application for Dartmouth. Bella argues, Edward collects the paperwork and tells her he'll just forge it. Solid descriptive touch when he clears the paperwork faster than she can see. Yeah, it's excessive, but it made me happy. Bella reminds Edward that she's planning to attend Vampire University (go fighting leeches!) and that all this applying is just a cover story for her immortal life of undergraduate studies. To sidetrack, we get a recap of the lingering Volturi threat and Edward mentions that the Seattle killing resembles newly created Vampires in their lack of skill. Another nice touch: the names of those killed bothers Bella.
Edward doesn't like the heights of Wuthering either, which is an annoying similarity we share. He's also going to put his footy down on visiting the phone-phobic Jacob.
SumUp B+
Nothing awful. A few nice touches of descriptive prowess, a decent summation of the outstanding untied threads and even a bit of characterization for my least favorite boyfriend. Things are looking up.
Clearly the Seattle stuff means something and one assumes that it's Victoria making baby vampires to fight alongside her to finish her weird revenge arc. Hopefully not in the same, awful late 18th chapter sort of plot explosion that we've seen in the other books.
The other books started well, too. So I'm not counting any chickens.
Monday, October 25, 2010
T.03.00 Preface
In Which We Still Don't Get An Actual Preface
Edward is in danger while protecting Bella.
End of "preface"
SumUp: Incomplete
OK, I let this slide for a while, but since we effectively have a single page of story that would fit on the back dust-jacket, I'm going to go ahead and complain. THIS is not a preface.
In literary terms a preface is a note from the author that introduces the book. It's a direct line of communication from Author to Reader in the voice of the author. Hi, I'm Stephenie Meyer and here's what I think, thanks for the piles of cash, hope you like the book. Something like that
The literary term for any story that precedes the first chapter is PROLOGUE.
Now classically a prologue isn't a foreshadowing mini-chapter at the front of a book, but being in character voice and coming before the first chapter, it's close enough. NOTE that every book in this saga has had an Epilogue (and a quick check shows this one does, as well) so clearly someone at LB&C has access to a manual on dramatic structure. Why they insist on calling this a preface is beyond me.
The PROLOGUE in book 1 gave us a scene in which Bella dies. It's not hard to determine that it's her vampire-conversion scene, which hasn't happened yet so that makes it a bit odd. The prologue in book 2 gave us the climax of the book and was a horrible mistake of revelation on Meyer's part. This book's prologue is just a little drop of excitement before we jump into the more exposition-heavy first few chapters. That's fine, in fact it's more than fine, it's great. It's a little hors d'oevre of action to whet our appetite before the meat and potatoes. I can handle that.
BOOK 3: Eclipse OR Hey, Here's an actual Preface
On the table in front of me is Eclipse, the third book of der Twilight Saga. I haven't read any of it yet, which is unusual after the system I adopted for the first few books where I didn't really start blogging until after reading a solid chunk of the book.
It's just that I'm really not looking forward to this at all.
No, that's not it. I'm actively dreading opening this book.
As I sat with Twilight, I was somewhat nervous because I expected it would be boring, silly and unrealistic fluff. A saccharine-infused collision between teen/tween romance and silly vampires. I knew about the sparkles. I knew about the no-sex drama. I dove in thinking it would be fun to make fun of, and to some extent, it was.
Sitting down with book 2, I expected more of the same. I hadn't despised reading Twilight, it was silly and disjointed and I thought the romance was as believable as those Swiffer mop commercials (where your old mop finds romance with a rake in the garage, those things make me laugh), but the only things I really hated were Meyer's climactic let-down, the bizarre plot structure and the incessant angst over the paper-thin "true love".
But here we are. Book 3. Eclipse. The final few chapters of Book 2 were nightmarish. Edward's emotional abuse of Bella. Bella's final shift from interesting recovering wuv-addict to eternal damsel in distress. The astonishing collapse of yet another climax. I cannot think of any book I have ever read, any movie I've ever seen, any item of any kind of fiction media that I've ever encountered that has frustrated and affronted and disappointed me to this degree. This wasn't fun this wasn't work this was torture. Midway through New Moon, I was very close to forgiving Meyer for the silly missteps of the first book. Very close to labeling the detractors as haters. I wasn't going to be a fan by any stretch, but the series was inching very close to the fluffy romance novel that I had all but dismissed it as when I heard about it. By the climax I was back to thinking the book was a train wreck and by the end... Oh, the end...
Now, holding this mass of pulp and cardboard and ink, I am dejected. I vowed to read it all, to ferret out every annoyance, every flaw and every gem. I don't want to read this or the book after or the side novellas or anything else with Bella Swan or Edward the Cruel as characters. There is no quiet optimism or amused patience or stoic determination left within me. I cannot imagine this will be anything but a horrible chore and I can only hope my misery inspires amusement or prevents another from walking this dark path.
Since I have a few weeks of buffer thanks to the blog's scheduler, I'm going to try and clear my head and square my shoulders for this task. I have a stack of literature (real literature) to reset my mind and cleanse my palate. After, I will scrape up every single tattered scrap of objectivity I have left and plow in. For you, dear reader, there should be a seamless transition between today and Wednesday's post. I hope.
Onward, the, through the gates of Styx.
Edward is in danger while protecting Bella.
End of "preface"
SumUp: Incomplete
OK, I let this slide for a while, but since we effectively have a single page of story that would fit on the back dust-jacket, I'm going to go ahead and complain. THIS is not a preface.
In literary terms a preface is a note from the author that introduces the book. It's a direct line of communication from Author to Reader in the voice of the author. Hi, I'm Stephenie Meyer and here's what I think, thanks for the piles of cash, hope you like the book. Something like that
The literary term for any story that precedes the first chapter is PROLOGUE.
Now classically a prologue isn't a foreshadowing mini-chapter at the front of a book, but being in character voice and coming before the first chapter, it's close enough. NOTE that every book in this saga has had an Epilogue (and a quick check shows this one does, as well) so clearly someone at LB&C has access to a manual on dramatic structure. Why they insist on calling this a preface is beyond me.
The PROLOGUE in book 1 gave us a scene in which Bella dies. It's not hard to determine that it's her vampire-conversion scene, which hasn't happened yet so that makes it a bit odd. The prologue in book 2 gave us the climax of the book and was a horrible mistake of revelation on Meyer's part. This book's prologue is just a little drop of excitement before we jump into the more exposition-heavy first few chapters. That's fine, in fact it's more than fine, it's great. It's a little hors d'oevre of action to whet our appetite before the meat and potatoes. I can handle that.
BOOK 3: Eclipse OR Hey, Here's an actual Preface
On the table in front of me is Eclipse, the third book of der Twilight Saga. I haven't read any of it yet, which is unusual after the system I adopted for the first few books where I didn't really start blogging until after reading a solid chunk of the book.
It's just that I'm really not looking forward to this at all.
No, that's not it. I'm actively dreading opening this book.
As I sat with Twilight, I was somewhat nervous because I expected it would be boring, silly and unrealistic fluff. A saccharine-infused collision between teen/tween romance and silly vampires. I knew about the sparkles. I knew about the no-sex drama. I dove in thinking it would be fun to make fun of, and to some extent, it was.
Sitting down with book 2, I expected more of the same. I hadn't despised reading Twilight, it was silly and disjointed and I thought the romance was as believable as those Swiffer mop commercials (where your old mop finds romance with a rake in the garage, those things make me laugh), but the only things I really hated were Meyer's climactic let-down, the bizarre plot structure and the incessant angst over the paper-thin "true love".
But here we are. Book 3. Eclipse. The final few chapters of Book 2 were nightmarish. Edward's emotional abuse of Bella. Bella's final shift from interesting recovering wuv-addict to eternal damsel in distress. The astonishing collapse of yet another climax. I cannot think of any book I have ever read, any movie I've ever seen, any item of any kind of fiction media that I've ever encountered that has frustrated and affronted and disappointed me to this degree. This wasn't fun this wasn't work this was torture. Midway through New Moon, I was very close to forgiving Meyer for the silly missteps of the first book. Very close to labeling the detractors as haters. I wasn't going to be a fan by any stretch, but the series was inching very close to the fluffy romance novel that I had all but dismissed it as when I heard about it. By the climax I was back to thinking the book was a train wreck and by the end... Oh, the end...
Now, holding this mass of pulp and cardboard and ink, I am dejected. I vowed to read it all, to ferret out every annoyance, every flaw and every gem. I don't want to read this or the book after or the side novellas or anything else with Bella Swan or Edward the Cruel as characters. There is no quiet optimism or amused patience or stoic determination left within me. I cannot imagine this will be anything but a horrible chore and I can only hope my misery inspires amusement or prevents another from walking this dark path.
Since I have a few weeks of buffer thanks to the blog's scheduler, I'm going to try and clear my head and square my shoulders for this task. I have a stack of literature (real literature) to reset my mind and cleanse my palate. After, I will scrape up every single tattered scrap of objectivity I have left and plow in. For you, dear reader, there should be a seamless transition between today and Wednesday's post. I hope.
Onward, the, through the gates of Styx.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Twilight Saga: New Moon SumUp
Final Grade: F.
I want to be absolutely clear about one thing: the first ten chapters of the book were enjoyable to read. In fact, with the exception of chapters 13 (the idiotic confusion-filled chapter where Bella confronts Jacob) and 15 (when Bella jumps) the first 17 chapters were solidly in passing-score territory. I want to emphasize that, three "A" chapters. Four "B" chapters. There were flaws, to be sure, but ultimately I found myself immersed in reading rather than scribbling rage-fueled notes, and that's a dramatic improvement over Book 1. The second chapter, where Carlisle has a great moment of conversation, and most of the following few chapters of Bella "waking up" were particularly good. The entire romantic arc with Jacob was satisfying, crafted with obvious skill and an eye for detail. Sadly, from the Funeral onward it's just a horror-show.
Bella's rise from depression and the non-romance give her numerous moments to grow as a character. The scene in school with her friends and the motorcycle project are fertile fields of insight and Meyer truly shines at certain points. I want especially to highlight Bella noticing that her friends hair has changed after her depressed stupor back in chapter 4. Realizing she missed the new style for months gives Bella and the reader a tangible grasp of just how unaware Bella has been and makes the ensuing wake-up a shared experience that Meyer even uses to flesh out secondary characters! Sadly, the drug-addict, crazy as a box of squirrels side is given the spotlight and Bella's friends (except for Mike) bow out shortly after. Summoning a vision of your ex-boyfriend to abusively berate you while you do increasingly dangerous acts probably needs a professional psychologist to evaluate, but I can't imagine it's any healthier than it seems to a causal reader. This shift from subtle story to "BELLA IS CRAZY" is frustrating and annoying. Worse, as soon as Laurent/Victoria enter the picture she reverts to Damsel In Distress mode and stays there for the remainder of the book. She's again useless baggage and even the climactic scene of Bella running across the courtyard can barely muster up an ounce of tension and for the umpteenth time, Bella is denied even the tiniest spark of ability. Will she reach him in time? HOW? She's just a boring mortal! Maybe if she used her atrophied brain to figure out a solution! Prove herself to be useful and resourceful and ... no, she just ran fast and got there in the nick of time. Whew, that was sort of close. Good thing the super-powerful Alice got her to one side of the square fast enough.
Last thought on Bella: Bella's immunity from vampire powers starts as her being immune to just Edward. It's clear she exists in Alice's crystal ball and Rosalie pulls some level of dazzle on her in the first book, so you'd think it was just Edward. Now we're told the uber-powerful Volturi and their minions are also impotent. Aro even makes a huge deal about her being a vamp-void and how useful (?) that would be to the Volturi. I've complained already that Bella being special only because of some author-applied magic is cheating and actually robs Bella as a protagonist, but now it's not even applied universally! Is she immune to vampire powers or not? Why can Rosalie dazzle her and Alice see her in visions but Jane can't swing her mental pain-hammer?
Jacob is badly used and the "brother" label is a death-knell for any romantic options. Why? This magical super-love that Bella feels for Edward is paper-thin and only exists because Meyer insists it has to, over and over. I don't expect that Bella will jump into Jacob's arms immediately or ever, but after the woods-dumping, why is she so insistent that new love can never happen? I'd accept that it's just Bella overreacting to a breakup, moaning that she'll never find love, never have anyone as good as Edward (despite... nevermind) but she's all but put on a nun's habit and checked out of the universe. Although I've covered it, the Jacob and Bella arc is good reading, even if Bella gets most of the characterization depth. Once Jacob turns into a werewolf the conflict is played all over the map, sometimes quiet anguish that feels right but it often goes slightly off. It's never as bad as the wahmpires, though, and if Jacob had any chance of being a main character it'd be a breath of fresh air in this book. Worst of all is the bypassed chance to add real conflict: Bella giving in to her urge to actually kiss Jacob. No, it's all pure and innocent and pointless.
The werewolves get the same problems as the vampires. Their super-powers effectively sideline Bella and they're only in danger when around other super-powered creatures (allegedly). Just like Vampires they're potentially physically dangerous to Bella when around her, although at least we don't get the tiresome false-sexual tension. This raises another complaint, this book is essentially following the exact same track as the first after the break-up. Bella is having troubles with school and friends. Bella is connecting to a boy as an escape. Cue troubled romance. Cue dark secret. Cue resolution. Cue sudden dangerous situation that takes Bella out of Forks. Cue set up for the next book. Ugh. Still, the pack is more interesting than the Cullens and lacks the moronic "everybody gets a unique look and superpower" that makes the wahmpires look like a comic-book superhero team rather than a threat.
FHS: is all but forgotten after the joyous waking-up section. Bye-bye everybody!
Edward becomes.... ugh. OK, I'm not going to rant, but let me just point this out. It is clearly the author's intent that we feel happy that Edward and Bella are together. We're supposed to feel sad when they're apart and we should feel something in the middle when she's with Jacob. Personally, I feel nearly the opposite. I enjoyed her time with Jacob. It was pleasant to read and there was real character interaction and a true relationship. I wasn't thrilled with her time alone, but it had some great moments. When Bella and Edward are together, however, she's in a drug stupor and acts like a moron. You know why I liked the bulk of this book? Because EDWARD WASN'T IN IT. That's not an endorsement for your second-most-important character! That's not a sign that your romantic-interest is working! That's a serious, fatal flaw! The protagonist's love-of-her-life is a horrible drain on the story! The worst of it was the reunion and "make-up" in the 23rd chapter, though. For the reunion of lovers just after the climax of the story to be the most horrible piece of drek in the entire book is damning in ways I can barely fathom. If Edward had started to actually physically abuse her in that scene it would barely have made it harder to tolerate. Meyer is going to have to work really hard to do anything more horrifying in this series.
The Wahmpires are largely absent. Carlisle is good. Alice finally gets some life. Her moments with Jasper are good and her time with Bella isn't awful. Odd note: Alice can't see Werewolves. I'll accept this as some Werewolf defense mechanism (not going to waste time figuring it out) but Alice is surprised? Aro is telepathic on some level, so this is clearly a known Vampire skill, how would they not know that Werewolves, their apparently sworn/natural enemy, are invisible by now? Wouldn't this be sort-of common knowledge among Vampire Precogs/Telepaths? I might be over-analyzing this, maybe Vampires don't share survival notes like that. Anyway, the rest of the Cullen clan is essentially invisible except for Rosalie. My hopes that she'd actually becomes some sort of antagonist are dying and now she looks like she'll never amount to more than a giant annoyance.
The Vampries were a bit of a mixed bag. Laurent was excellent, up until he died off camera with no difficulty. Great job, there. Victoria might as well not have existed for all the impact she had on the book. Why not use Laurent AND Victoria? Then you could have had a good death-scene where the Werewolves kill one and Victoria escapes injured. Then she'd have a real reason to hate Bella and some actual presence in the book. Aro was fun. The Volturi were a tad cliche, but we only get a taste, so I'm holding out hope that they evolve into something. There really is lots of potential. Even the guards (or whatever they're called) were a nice bunch. Meyer insists on making them all striking looking and unique, but I'll let it slide, it's not that big of a deal.
The Romeo and Juliet allegory is tiresome long before Meyer starts to explicitly connect the dots. I don't care if she's going to write Romeo and Juliet and Vampires and Werewolves, but once you abandon the possibility for a tragic ending stop trying to link to the play every time some there's the thinnest of similarities. Nobody is going to write a teen romance novel that stands up critically to Shakespeare, force a comparison and you're going to look awful.
SumUp of SumUps
If you'd asked me what I thought of the book prior to the scene in the square, I'd have told you a very different story than I'm telling today. At that point I wasn't overjoyed with the book, but I'd had a pleasant time reading it and there were large sections I truly liked. My complaints weren't all minor, but in the grand scheme it was a fluffy sort of novel that hadn't caused too many angry note-taking sessions. It was even, dare I say, better written, better paced and deeper than the first book, especially when it came to the one person we're stuck with on every page: Bella.
The problems really begin in the confusion/misunderstanding in the funeral phone call. The source of those problems? Edward. And that's the key to understanding why I despise this book. Edward. Bella is horrible throughout the first book and has similar problems between these covers, but she finds some sunlight to grow when he leaves. The second he comes back into the picture, Meyer takes us into a dark, horrible world that she bizarrely describes as "true love". If you could strip Edward out of this book, regardless of the romantic success of Jacob, it would be worlds better. The fact that Edward is bound to the very foundations of Twilight, the fact that he's on the cover of the paperback and is almost certainly going nowhere is a cancer on the soul of this story.
I'm also sick to death of Meyer's inability to maintain and resolve tension. Every problem simply disappears. Every time we're told something will be incredibly hard, it isn't. We're told someone is dangerous and powerful, except they aren't. In fact, the most threatening character in this book was Laurent! Half a chapter later he's on the run and then dies offscreen. As for Victoria, she's off-camera for the entire book. She never makes an appearance and essentially gets chased around so the werewolves can report back to Bella about how dangerous it all is! Wow, she must be dangerous, all the werewolves keep telling us. Climaxes aren't exciting because Meyer consistently removes all the threat and tension. It's infuriating to see opportunity after opportunity pass while we trudge forward to the eventual reunion. You know who had the best reunion in this book? Bella and Angela. Do you even remember? At the end of chapter SIX? Every romantic reunion involves people staring at each other while Meyer TELLS us explicitly how much love is radiating. Bella and Edward. Sam and Emily. Alice and Jasper.
I joked in the last book's summary that I was dreading reading the next (this) book. I wasn't happy at the end of Book 1, but I'd seen good times and bad and just expected more of the same. Here, however, I am miserable at the thought of subjecting myself to the next book. There'll be no romance novel separation between Bella and Edward this time. Oh, they might be apart, but they'll be mooning for each other and whatever dangers appear (I assume Victoria and the Volturi, somehow) will only threaten to keep them apart or force Edward's hand. Today I was convicted but I won't find out my sentence until I force myself into Eclipse.
I want to be absolutely clear about one thing: the first ten chapters of the book were enjoyable to read. In fact, with the exception of chapters 13 (the idiotic confusion-filled chapter where Bella confronts Jacob) and 15 (when Bella jumps) the first 17 chapters were solidly in passing-score territory. I want to emphasize that, three "A" chapters. Four "B" chapters. There were flaws, to be sure, but ultimately I found myself immersed in reading rather than scribbling rage-fueled notes, and that's a dramatic improvement over Book 1. The second chapter, where Carlisle has a great moment of conversation, and most of the following few chapters of Bella "waking up" were particularly good. The entire romantic arc with Jacob was satisfying, crafted with obvious skill and an eye for detail. Sadly, from the Funeral onward it's just a horror-show.
Bella's rise from depression and the non-romance give her numerous moments to grow as a character. The scene in school with her friends and the motorcycle project are fertile fields of insight and Meyer truly shines at certain points. I want especially to highlight Bella noticing that her friends hair has changed after her depressed stupor back in chapter 4. Realizing she missed the new style for months gives Bella and the reader a tangible grasp of just how unaware Bella has been and makes the ensuing wake-up a shared experience that Meyer even uses to flesh out secondary characters! Sadly, the drug-addict, crazy as a box of squirrels side is given the spotlight and Bella's friends (except for Mike) bow out shortly after. Summoning a vision of your ex-boyfriend to abusively berate you while you do increasingly dangerous acts probably needs a professional psychologist to evaluate, but I can't imagine it's any healthier than it seems to a causal reader. This shift from subtle story to "BELLA IS CRAZY" is frustrating and annoying. Worse, as soon as Laurent/Victoria enter the picture she reverts to Damsel In Distress mode and stays there for the remainder of the book. She's again useless baggage and even the climactic scene of Bella running across the courtyard can barely muster up an ounce of tension and for the umpteenth time, Bella is denied even the tiniest spark of ability. Will she reach him in time? HOW? She's just a boring mortal! Maybe if she used her atrophied brain to figure out a solution! Prove herself to be useful and resourceful and ... no, she just ran fast and got there in the nick of time. Whew, that was sort of close. Good thing the super-powerful Alice got her to one side of the square fast enough.
Last thought on Bella: Bella's immunity from vampire powers starts as her being immune to just Edward. It's clear she exists in Alice's crystal ball and Rosalie pulls some level of dazzle on her in the first book, so you'd think it was just Edward. Now we're told the uber-powerful Volturi and their minions are also impotent. Aro even makes a huge deal about her being a vamp-void and how useful (?) that would be to the Volturi. I've complained already that Bella being special only because of some author-applied magic is cheating and actually robs Bella as a protagonist, but now it's not even applied universally! Is she immune to vampire powers or not? Why can Rosalie dazzle her and Alice see her in visions but Jane can't swing her mental pain-hammer?
Jacob is badly used and the "brother" label is a death-knell for any romantic options. Why? This magical super-love that Bella feels for Edward is paper-thin and only exists because Meyer insists it has to, over and over. I don't expect that Bella will jump into Jacob's arms immediately or ever, but after the woods-dumping, why is she so insistent that new love can never happen? I'd accept that it's just Bella overreacting to a breakup, moaning that she'll never find love, never have anyone as good as Edward (despite... nevermind) but she's all but put on a nun's habit and checked out of the universe. Although I've covered it, the Jacob and Bella arc is good reading, even if Bella gets most of the characterization depth. Once Jacob turns into a werewolf the conflict is played all over the map, sometimes quiet anguish that feels right but it often goes slightly off. It's never as bad as the wahmpires, though, and if Jacob had any chance of being a main character it'd be a breath of fresh air in this book. Worst of all is the bypassed chance to add real conflict: Bella giving in to her urge to actually kiss Jacob. No, it's all pure and innocent and pointless.
The werewolves get the same problems as the vampires. Their super-powers effectively sideline Bella and they're only in danger when around other super-powered creatures (allegedly). Just like Vampires they're potentially physically dangerous to Bella when around her, although at least we don't get the tiresome false-sexual tension. This raises another complaint, this book is essentially following the exact same track as the first after the break-up. Bella is having troubles with school and friends. Bella is connecting to a boy as an escape. Cue troubled romance. Cue dark secret. Cue resolution. Cue sudden dangerous situation that takes Bella out of Forks. Cue set up for the next book. Ugh. Still, the pack is more interesting than the Cullens and lacks the moronic "everybody gets a unique look and superpower" that makes the wahmpires look like a comic-book superhero team rather than a threat.
FHS: is all but forgotten after the joyous waking-up section. Bye-bye everybody!
Edward becomes.... ugh. OK, I'm not going to rant, but let me just point this out. It is clearly the author's intent that we feel happy that Edward and Bella are together. We're supposed to feel sad when they're apart and we should feel something in the middle when she's with Jacob. Personally, I feel nearly the opposite. I enjoyed her time with Jacob. It was pleasant to read and there was real character interaction and a true relationship. I wasn't thrilled with her time alone, but it had some great moments. When Bella and Edward are together, however, she's in a drug stupor and acts like a moron. You know why I liked the bulk of this book? Because EDWARD WASN'T IN IT. That's not an endorsement for your second-most-important character! That's not a sign that your romantic-interest is working! That's a serious, fatal flaw! The protagonist's love-of-her-life is a horrible drain on the story! The worst of it was the reunion and "make-up" in the 23rd chapter, though. For the reunion of lovers just after the climax of the story to be the most horrible piece of drek in the entire book is damning in ways I can barely fathom. If Edward had started to actually physically abuse her in that scene it would barely have made it harder to tolerate. Meyer is going to have to work really hard to do anything more horrifying in this series.
The Wahmpires are largely absent. Carlisle is good. Alice finally gets some life. Her moments with Jasper are good and her time with Bella isn't awful. Odd note: Alice can't see Werewolves. I'll accept this as some Werewolf defense mechanism (not going to waste time figuring it out) but Alice is surprised? Aro is telepathic on some level, so this is clearly a known Vampire skill, how would they not know that Werewolves, their apparently sworn/natural enemy, are invisible by now? Wouldn't this be sort-of common knowledge among Vampire Precogs/Telepaths? I might be over-analyzing this, maybe Vampires don't share survival notes like that. Anyway, the rest of the Cullen clan is essentially invisible except for Rosalie. My hopes that she'd actually becomes some sort of antagonist are dying and now she looks like she'll never amount to more than a giant annoyance.
The Vampries were a bit of a mixed bag. Laurent was excellent, up until he died off camera with no difficulty. Great job, there. Victoria might as well not have existed for all the impact she had on the book. Why not use Laurent AND Victoria? Then you could have had a good death-scene where the Werewolves kill one and Victoria escapes injured. Then she'd have a real reason to hate Bella and some actual presence in the book. Aro was fun. The Volturi were a tad cliche, but we only get a taste, so I'm holding out hope that they evolve into something. There really is lots of potential. Even the guards (or whatever they're called) were a nice bunch. Meyer insists on making them all striking looking and unique, but I'll let it slide, it's not that big of a deal.
The Romeo and Juliet allegory is tiresome long before Meyer starts to explicitly connect the dots. I don't care if she's going to write Romeo and Juliet and Vampires and Werewolves, but once you abandon the possibility for a tragic ending stop trying to link to the play every time some there's the thinnest of similarities. Nobody is going to write a teen romance novel that stands up critically to Shakespeare, force a comparison and you're going to look awful.
SumUp of SumUps
If you'd asked me what I thought of the book prior to the scene in the square, I'd have told you a very different story than I'm telling today. At that point I wasn't overjoyed with the book, but I'd had a pleasant time reading it and there were large sections I truly liked. My complaints weren't all minor, but in the grand scheme it was a fluffy sort of novel that hadn't caused too many angry note-taking sessions. It was even, dare I say, better written, better paced and deeper than the first book, especially when it came to the one person we're stuck with on every page: Bella.
The problems really begin in the confusion/misunderstanding in the funeral phone call. The source of those problems? Edward. And that's the key to understanding why I despise this book. Edward. Bella is horrible throughout the first book and has similar problems between these covers, but she finds some sunlight to grow when he leaves. The second he comes back into the picture, Meyer takes us into a dark, horrible world that she bizarrely describes as "true love". If you could strip Edward out of this book, regardless of the romantic success of Jacob, it would be worlds better. The fact that Edward is bound to the very foundations of Twilight, the fact that he's on the cover of the paperback and is almost certainly going nowhere is a cancer on the soul of this story.
I'm also sick to death of Meyer's inability to maintain and resolve tension. Every problem simply disappears. Every time we're told something will be incredibly hard, it isn't. We're told someone is dangerous and powerful, except they aren't. In fact, the most threatening character in this book was Laurent! Half a chapter later he's on the run and then dies offscreen. As for Victoria, she's off-camera for the entire book. She never makes an appearance and essentially gets chased around so the werewolves can report back to Bella about how dangerous it all is! Wow, she must be dangerous, all the werewolves keep telling us. Climaxes aren't exciting because Meyer consistently removes all the threat and tension. It's infuriating to see opportunity after opportunity pass while we trudge forward to the eventual reunion. You know who had the best reunion in this book? Bella and Angela. Do you even remember? At the end of chapter SIX? Every romantic reunion involves people staring at each other while Meyer TELLS us explicitly how much love is radiating. Bella and Edward. Sam and Emily. Alice and Jasper.
I joked in the last book's summary that I was dreading reading the next (this) book. I wasn't happy at the end of Book 1, but I'd seen good times and bad and just expected more of the same. Here, however, I am miserable at the thought of subjecting myself to the next book. There'll be no romance novel separation between Bella and Edward this time. Oh, they might be apart, but they'll be mooning for each other and whatever dangers appear (I assume Victoria and the Volturi, somehow) will only threaten to keep them apart or force Edward's hand. Today I was convicted but I won't find out my sentence until I force myself into Eclipse.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
T.02.25 Epilogue - Treaty
In Which Jacob is kind of a Jerk
Things stabilize.
Bella = super grounded
Edward = visiting hours only
Charlie = super unhappy
Jacob = AWOL, again.
Many phone calls to Jacob, though, because having a boyfriend and a best friend who wants to BE your boyfriend isn't a bad idea. Toss in the fact that they're both monsters AND natural enemies and you've got a party. You should find a descendant of Frankenstein to date on the weekends.
More Romeo and Juliet references, because we need them. Paris dies in the book, Bella notes. Several times. Poor Jacob! Of course Romeo died in the book too... and I don't think Juliet fared real well, either. It's been awhile since I sat down with it. Oh, and Mercutio kind of snuffed it, but I don't know who his doppelganger in this book is supposed to be. I'll pick Heidi, just to be different. She was hot. And she didn't annoy me.
As they arrive home from school one day, Edward tells Bella that his spider sense is tingling. Charlie is going ballistic. A red motorcycle sitting in the driveway reveals the reason and Bella and Edward go into the woods to find Jacob. Bella is peeved, Jacob is angry.
Bella tells Jacob that she wasn't avoiding him and the bike was a really jerk move.
Jacob's not real happy, gets into an argument with Edward.
Edward thanks Jacob for saving Bella's life.
Victoria is nowhere to be found. Wow, we got all worked up over nothing, then.
Jacob reminds Edward that the rules of the Treaty say the Cullens can't BITE anyone.
Bella reacts, which clues Jacob in to the fact that she's on the fast track to bloodsuckerville. He bails in disgust.
Charlie is maaaad. So very mad. I know how he feels.
SumUp: B-
We get a good sumup chapter, which (again) isn't the point of an Epilogue.
Bella spells out the pickle in case anyone isn't totally on board. She wants to be a vampire, Ed doesn't want that. The Volturi have promised to kill her if she doesn't become a vampire, the Tribe will go to war if the Cullens break the treaty and convert her. Tangled.
So clearly Bella should just get Aro to do it, seems like he'd have the power and if he wasn't already sort of interested, Carlisle would have the influence to persuade him. Neat and tidy. That's not what's going to happen, though.
So, the end.
Super SumUp to follow.
Things stabilize.
Bella = super grounded
Edward = visiting hours only
Charlie = super unhappy
Jacob = AWOL, again.
Many phone calls to Jacob, though, because having a boyfriend and a best friend who wants to BE your boyfriend isn't a bad idea. Toss in the fact that they're both monsters AND natural enemies and you've got a party. You should find a descendant of Frankenstein to date on the weekends.
More Romeo and Juliet references, because we need them. Paris dies in the book, Bella notes. Several times. Poor Jacob! Of course Romeo died in the book too... and I don't think Juliet fared real well, either. It's been awhile since I sat down with it. Oh, and Mercutio kind of snuffed it, but I don't know who his doppelganger in this book is supposed to be. I'll pick Heidi, just to be different. She was hot. And she didn't annoy me.
As they arrive home from school one day, Edward tells Bella that his spider sense is tingling. Charlie is going ballistic. A red motorcycle sitting in the driveway reveals the reason and Bella and Edward go into the woods to find Jacob. Bella is peeved, Jacob is angry.
Bella tells Jacob that she wasn't avoiding him and the bike was a really jerk move.
Jacob's not real happy, gets into an argument with Edward.
Edward thanks Jacob for saving Bella's life.
Victoria is nowhere to be found. Wow, we got all worked up over nothing, then.
Jacob reminds Edward that the rules of the Treaty say the Cullens can't BITE anyone.
Bella reacts, which clues Jacob in to the fact that she's on the fast track to bloodsuckerville. He bails in disgust.
Charlie is maaaad. So very mad. I know how he feels.
SumUp: B-
We get a good sumup chapter, which (again) isn't the point of an Epilogue.
Bella spells out the pickle in case anyone isn't totally on board. She wants to be a vampire, Ed doesn't want that. The Volturi have promised to kill her if she doesn't become a vampire, the Tribe will go to war if the Cullens break the treaty and convert her. Tangled.
So clearly Bella should just get Aro to do it, seems like he'd have the power and if he wasn't already sort of interested, Carlisle would have the influence to persuade him. Neat and tidy. That's not what's going to happen, though.
So, the end.
Super SumUp to follow.
Monday, October 18, 2010
T.02.24 Vote
In Which There Is A Vote and A Proposal
While running/flying to Vampire Manor, Bella has an epiphany. She actually tells the reader she's had an epiphany, in case you didn't understand that from the long description that perfectly describes having an epiphany is what she's actually having. Yes, I'm nitpicking. These things being described to me are now words on paper, literary examples, constructs. There's no reason for me to care for one second what their motives or reasons are.
Bella decides that the adrenaline fueled fake-Edward in her brain that verbally abused her was actually her subconscious telling her that Edward truly truly truly really and for sure and no kidding loves her. It wasn't part of some withdrawal symptom or psychotic break or mental breakdown or suicidal urge or all the vastly more logical explanations, no it was love. True love. Love will keep us together. Stop in the name of love. Love is a mystery. She knew it all the time, of course, if only she had trusted in her love enough to see that. Stupid Bella, but it's all better now that the real Edward is here to emotionally abuse you.
Sorry. So now she has that box checked and the next time Edward fake-dumps her she'll know better. Or if he really dumps her it will lead to more confusion and drama. Can't wait.
Vampires don't sleep, so a 2AM muster isn't that hard to pull off. Soon we have everyone (Edward, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie) around the dinner table. Which is a "prop", which seems rather silly since nobody ever comes here who isn't a vampire. Guess they like to put on fake dinner parties for each other.
Bella explains that she wants to be a vampire because it'll fix lotsa things like the Volturi ultimatum. She wants to join the family, so they all get to vote on it. If they say no, she's going to go to Italy and see the Volturi to either become one or die, it's not really explained. Edward counters that the main Volturi Hunter, Demetri, relies on powers that Bella is immune to. Unless his powers work like Alice's, but that's not really considered. Well, unless they have other hunters who use the same skills that Edward and James demonstrated. Or they have access to normal, human private investigators.
The vote:
Bella asks Carlisle, who is the blindingly obvious choice. Ed points out they need days to do this and she's supposed to be asleep back at the house, so Bella agrees to postpone to after graduation. Carlisle agrees and promises to do it for/to her.
Edward takes her home and tries to figure out a solution. He starts negotiating:
Charlie wakes up and confronts Bella. She essentially lays down the ultimatum: accept Edward and I'll be all grounded in your house with your rules. Don't and I'm moving out. Then she kicks him in the groin and dances over his crying, heaving body.
Made that last part up. Anyway that ends the scene, so I guess the negotiation ended at 1 year = Ed converts her. No handshake, so I'm not sure how binding it is.
SumUp D
The vote was odd, but we get some characterization and a little interest. We finally have some kind of Bella to Vampire timeline, which I've been waiting to be done with since the the prelude of the first book. Edward's plan to avoid the Volturi is moronic by itself, but others think it'll work. WHY? Even suggesting it'll work undermines the reader's impression that the Volturi are super-super-powerful. If Edward and Alice can hide Bella from them, how powerful can they be? Demetri's powers are silly, do the Volturi invite everyone they have to track down over for tea so Demetri can scan them? Is there no back up plan? Do they only have one hunter? The whole thing is bunk.
We also get the worst proposal in history and the worst reaction ever. Why is Bella NOT happy about this, other than because of the truly awful way it was brought up? Because Renee and Charlie's relationship went to trash after the rings, according to the text. I guess it's not an unrealistic idea about the dangers of marriage for a 17 year old to have, but it's a stupid place for it. Bella spends the entire chapter trying to set up her conversion into vampirism, a decision that's a little more life-altering than marriage. We're talking the potential for thousands of years, here. Why wouldn't she be overjoyed at this idea? You've all but married him in your mind, you're planning on spending a few hundred lifetimes with him, what difference does it make if it gets you the ONE THING you've been begging for since the middle of the first book? Mother Goose's garters, my head hurts.
I also don't see why Edward brings this into the negotiation at all. Why would he think for one second that this would help his cause? He's very anti-conversion and they've spent all of this chapter and the last supposedly finding the depth of their true love, why would marriage help in any way? Did he think she'd balk at the proposal? Did I miss the set up for this realization on his part? Was this just his way to get her to marry him? Neither option makes much sense.
While running/flying to Vampire Manor, Bella has an epiphany. She actually tells the reader she's had an epiphany, in case you didn't understand that from the long description that perfectly describes having an epiphany is what she's actually having. Yes, I'm nitpicking. These things being described to me are now words on paper, literary examples, constructs. There's no reason for me to care for one second what their motives or reasons are.
Bella decides that the adrenaline fueled fake-Edward in her brain that verbally abused her was actually her subconscious telling her that Edward truly truly truly really and for sure and no kidding loves her. It wasn't part of some withdrawal symptom or psychotic break or mental breakdown or suicidal urge or all the vastly more logical explanations, no it was love. True love. Love will keep us together. Stop in the name of love. Love is a mystery. She knew it all the time, of course, if only she had trusted in her love enough to see that. Stupid Bella, but it's all better now that the real Edward is here to emotionally abuse you.
Sorry. So now she has that box checked and the next time Edward fake-dumps her she'll know better. Or if he really dumps her it will lead to more confusion and drama. Can't wait.
Vampires don't sleep, so a 2AM muster isn't that hard to pull off. Soon we have everyone (Edward, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie) around the dinner table. Which is a "prop", which seems rather silly since nobody ever comes here who isn't a vampire. Guess they like to put on fake dinner parties for each other.
Bella explains that she wants to be a vampire because it'll fix lotsa things like the Volturi ultimatum. She wants to join the family, so they all get to vote on it. If they say no, she's going to go to Italy and see the Volturi to either become one or die, it's not really explained. Edward counters that the main Volturi Hunter, Demetri, relies on powers that Bella is immune to. Unless his powers work like Alice's, but that's not really considered. Well, unless they have other hunters who use the same skills that Edward and James demonstrated. Or they have access to normal, human private investigators.
The vote:
- Edward = no. Naturally.
- Alice = yes. She's also already promised to make this happen AND seen it happen in a vision.
- Jasper = yes. Bella doesn't know why. I don't know either. It isn't explained.
- Rosalie = no. She explains it's because she never wanted to be a vampire. Which isn't the same situation. But whatev.
- Emmett = yes.
- Esme = yes
- Carlisle = yes, even with Edward getting all annoyed and breaking things.
Bella asks Carlisle, who is the blindingly obvious choice. Ed points out they need days to do this and she's supposed to be asleep back at the house, so Bella agrees to postpone to after graduation. Carlisle agrees and promises to do it for/to her.
Edward takes her home and tries to figure out a solution. He starts negotiating:
- He asks for an opening bid.
- Bella wants Edward to do the deed.
- He wants 5 years of time
- No. He'll figure out a way to not do it
- Ed asks for 3 years
- Bella argues for 6 months, then a year.
- Edward asks her to marry him.
Charlie wakes up and confronts Bella. She essentially lays down the ultimatum: accept Edward and I'll be all grounded in your house with your rules. Don't and I'm moving out. Then she kicks him in the groin and dances over his crying, heaving body.
Made that last part up. Anyway that ends the scene, so I guess the negotiation ended at 1 year = Ed converts her. No handshake, so I'm not sure how binding it is.
SumUp D
The vote was odd, but we get some characterization and a little interest. We finally have some kind of Bella to Vampire timeline, which I've been waiting to be done with since the the prelude of the first book. Edward's plan to avoid the Volturi is moronic by itself, but others think it'll work. WHY? Even suggesting it'll work undermines the reader's impression that the Volturi are super-super-powerful. If Edward and Alice can hide Bella from them, how powerful can they be? Demetri's powers are silly, do the Volturi invite everyone they have to track down over for tea so Demetri can scan them? Is there no back up plan? Do they only have one hunter? The whole thing is bunk.
We also get the worst proposal in history and the worst reaction ever. Why is Bella NOT happy about this, other than because of the truly awful way it was brought up? Because Renee and Charlie's relationship went to trash after the rings, according to the text. I guess it's not an unrealistic idea about the dangers of marriage for a 17 year old to have, but it's a stupid place for it. Bella spends the entire chapter trying to set up her conversion into vampirism, a decision that's a little more life-altering than marriage. We're talking the potential for thousands of years, here. Why wouldn't she be overjoyed at this idea? You've all but married him in your mind, you're planning on spending a few hundred lifetimes with him, what difference does it make if it gets you the ONE THING you've been begging for since the middle of the first book? Mother Goose's garters, my head hurts.
I also don't see why Edward brings this into the negotiation at all. Why would he think for one second that this would help his cause? He's very anti-conversion and they've spent all of this chapter and the last supposedly finding the depth of their true love, why would marriage help in any way? Did he think she'd balk at the proposal? Did I miss the set up for this realization on his part? Was this just his way to get her to marry him? Neither option makes much sense.
Friday, October 15, 2010
T.02.23 The Truth
In Which Edward Gives Bella Grief For Getting Dumped
Edward left her for her own good. That's the theory I'm guessing he's going to toss out there. Then they were both miserable and blah blah. Let's see how far off I am.
Bella wakes up (shot) and they have a big midnight heart-to-chiseled chest. Dead lump of heart-mass. Whatever's left of Edward's blood-pumping organ.
Edward's been miserable. Aw. He's been hunting Victoria (poorly). He recounts, again, why he was killing himself (not out of guilt, but because Bella was dead). He covered all that already, dontchaknow. Were you paying attention?
Lots of eye emoting. I counted 5 (agonized, fierce, liquid onyx, sincere). Take your time. I'll wait. You'll want it.
Edward gives Bella serious grief about getting dumped. By him. Because she believed him when he lied to her about not wanting her anymore. She believed he didn't love her. You know, the 17 year old girl with the longtime inferiority complex and inability to believe you love her truly? That girl? Who was just sort of feeling slightly comfortable in the relationship? She believed it when you, the super hot statue of a vampire told her that you didn't want her anymore and then your whole freak family moved to another continent. I mean, the nerve! So this is totally her fault. Because dumping her in the forest after being a cold hearted (er...) bastard and then moving to AFRICA is clearly just a ruse that she SHOULD HAVE SEEN THROUGH if she'd just LOVED YOU ENOUGH. Arrrrrgggggg!
Dahl's socks... I'm just ... I'm honestly angry at this point. Seriously. I'm angry at this book, at Meyer, at this stupid version of Edward, at this... whole moronic situation. This is twisted... How do you possibly come up with this? As an author, how much abuse do you really feel you should heap on a character. Is this supposed to be romantic? Realistic? What? What? Gods, WHAT? Are we supposed to identify with Bella here? Are we supposed to agree with Edward, that she deserved this somehow? That she was at fault, in any single tiny arrrggghhhhgha[poa[]-3t90a'pldfac., nhy hnhjyu7
I just want to take a moment to point out that I read every chapter more than once. The first is a pass through so I get a feel for the flow of the book, so I'll do 3 or 4 chapters at a time. Then I read each chapter and take notes, then I reread it to make sure I haven't missed anything. I have yet to get past this point without stopping out of pure outrage and disbelief. I have notes scribbled with so much rage that the page is torn. I've thrown things. What little, tiny bit of connection I had for either of these characters is dead. Completely dead. There's nothing left. Ugh.
SO Edward dumps an impressionable young teenage girl for whatever reason. When that doesn't work and they get back together he gives her crap about her not taking him at his word. Even in some bizarre universe where a guy would actually have this insanely stupid thought pop into his head during the reconciliation, WHO WOULD ACTUALLY SAY IT OUT LOUD? How do you possibly think this is .....
Look baby, sorry I dumped you. Why did you actually think I was dumping you? Was it me saying "I don't want you" or "you're no good for me" or "We won't bother you again" or implying that my love had changed to something else? I didn't mean any of that! Was it us moving half a planet away? You're so stupid for believing it. What am I going to do with you? WHY DIDN'T YOU LOVE ME ENOUGH TO SEE THROUGH MY LIES!?!?!?
PHILIP K DICK'S ... ARMPIT can you be any more condescending? Any more demeaning? Any more self-righteous? Is this guilt-trip actually going somewhere? GODS this is the worst, the absolute worst thing about these books yet. THIS conversation, this abomination of "love" that I'm stupidly trudging through. This is worse than the climax of the last book and the creepy sleep-watching and the sparkles combined. This is abuse. Pure and simple emotional abuse. "This is why I hit you" type abuse. He's abusing her and this is a ROMANCE BOOK. Why? Why? Why? WHY? WHY? WHYWHYWHYWHY?
Taking a break. There's honestly partt of a chapter left and I just can't.
...........
At this point Bella doesn't want to believe that Edward is back and loves her, and I can hardly blame her. He's grovelling and CHIDING HER at the same time for her lack of faith in him.
Edward tells Bella he was on the verge of coming back, having crawled into a tiny ball and cried himself to sleep over her accepting his break-up that he was going to come beg for her to take him back. Long. Deep. Breath. I think I cracked my keyboard.
So he was going to beg for forgiveness (I'm assuming) before, you know, she all jumped off a cliff and made him go try and kill himself. Because... I just don't know why. I'm just fuming and seething at this point. It boils down to Edward telling Bella that sitting around and being the Damsel in Distress plan should be her go-to option. Don't try and do things while I'm not there, I'll come back and rescue you, just sit around and wait. Ugh.
Bella decides she's pretty much had it with life and gets Edward to take her to the Cullens for a vote on her vampirization. Why a vote? Because it affects them, I guess. I really couldn't care less at this point. She's dead to me, might as well be dead in the book.
SumUp F minus minus asterisk dollar percent etc.
I don't have a grade below F-. I'd rate this a Z- if I did. I want to burn this book and douse the ash with salt so nothing can ever grow there again. I was ok with this book, even with Edward the joy killer right up to ... but no. This is too much. This is like an episode of Cops.
Edward left her for her own good. That's the theory I'm guessing he's going to toss out there. Then they were both miserable and blah blah. Let's see how far off I am.
Bella wakes up (shot) and they have a big midnight heart-to-chiseled chest. Dead lump of heart-mass. Whatever's left of Edward's blood-pumping organ.
Edward's been miserable. Aw. He's been hunting Victoria (poorly). He recounts, again, why he was killing himself (not out of guilt, but because Bella was dead). He covered all that already, dontchaknow. Were you paying attention?
Lots of eye emoting. I counted 5 (agonized, fierce, liquid onyx, sincere). Take your time. I'll wait. You'll want it.
Edward gives Bella serious grief about getting dumped. By him. Because she believed him when he lied to her about not wanting her anymore. She believed he didn't love her. You know, the 17 year old girl with the longtime inferiority complex and inability to believe you love her truly? That girl? Who was just sort of feeling slightly comfortable in the relationship? She believed it when you, the super hot statue of a vampire told her that you didn't want her anymore and then your whole freak family moved to another continent. I mean, the nerve! So this is totally her fault. Because dumping her in the forest after being a cold hearted (er...) bastard and then moving to AFRICA is clearly just a ruse that she SHOULD HAVE SEEN THROUGH if she'd just LOVED YOU ENOUGH. Arrrrrgggggg!
Dahl's socks... I'm just ... I'm honestly angry at this point. Seriously. I'm angry at this book, at Meyer, at this stupid version of Edward, at this... whole moronic situation. This is twisted... How do you possibly come up with this? As an author, how much abuse do you really feel you should heap on a character. Is this supposed to be romantic? Realistic? What? What? Gods, WHAT? Are we supposed to identify with Bella here? Are we supposed to agree with Edward, that she deserved this somehow? That she was at fault, in any single tiny arrrggghhhhgha[poa[]-3t90a'pldfac., nhy hnhjyu7
I just want to take a moment to point out that I read every chapter more than once. The first is a pass through so I get a feel for the flow of the book, so I'll do 3 or 4 chapters at a time. Then I read each chapter and take notes, then I reread it to make sure I haven't missed anything. I have yet to get past this point without stopping out of pure outrage and disbelief. I have notes scribbled with so much rage that the page is torn. I've thrown things. What little, tiny bit of connection I had for either of these characters is dead. Completely dead. There's nothing left. Ugh.
SO Edward dumps an impressionable young teenage girl for whatever reason. When that doesn't work and they get back together he gives her crap about her not taking him at his word. Even in some bizarre universe where a guy would actually have this insanely stupid thought pop into his head during the reconciliation, WHO WOULD ACTUALLY SAY IT OUT LOUD? How do you possibly think this is .....
Look baby, sorry I dumped you. Why did you actually think I was dumping you? Was it me saying "I don't want you" or "you're no good for me" or "We won't bother you again" or implying that my love had changed to something else? I didn't mean any of that! Was it us moving half a planet away? You're so stupid for believing it. What am I going to do with you? WHY DIDN'T YOU LOVE ME ENOUGH TO SEE THROUGH MY LIES!?!?!?
PHILIP K DICK'S ... ARMPIT can you be any more condescending? Any more demeaning? Any more self-righteous? Is this guilt-trip actually going somewhere? GODS this is the worst, the absolute worst thing about these books yet. THIS conversation, this abomination of "love" that I'm stupidly trudging through. This is worse than the climax of the last book and the creepy sleep-watching and the sparkles combined. This is abuse. Pure and simple emotional abuse. "This is why I hit you" type abuse. He's abusing her and this is a ROMANCE BOOK. Why? Why? Why? WHY? WHY? WHYWHYWHYWHY?
Taking a break. There's honestly partt of a chapter left and I just can't.
...........
At this point Bella doesn't want to believe that Edward is back and loves her, and I can hardly blame her. He's grovelling and CHIDING HER at the same time for her lack of faith in him.
Edward tells Bella he was on the verge of coming back, having crawled into a tiny ball and cried himself to sleep over her accepting his break-up that he was going to come beg for her to take him back. Long. Deep. Breath. I think I cracked my keyboard.
So he was going to beg for forgiveness (I'm assuming) before, you know, she all jumped off a cliff and made him go try and kill himself. Because... I just don't know why. I'm just fuming and seething at this point. It boils down to Edward telling Bella that sitting around and being the Damsel in Distress plan should be her go-to option. Don't try and do things while I'm not there, I'll come back and rescue you, just sit around and wait. Ugh.
Bella decides she's pretty much had it with life and gets Edward to take her to the Cullens for a vote on her vampirization. Why a vote? Because it affects them, I guess. I really couldn't care less at this point. She's dead to me, might as well be dead in the book.
SumUp F minus minus asterisk dollar percent etc.
I don't have a grade below F-. I'd rate this a Z- if I did. I want to burn this book and douse the ash with salt so nothing can ever grow there again. I was ok with this book, even with Edward the joy killer right up to ... but no. This is too much. This is like an episode of Cops.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
T.02.22 Flight
In Which Bella Goes Home
Bella, Edward and Alice wait in the reception area with Gianna until dark. Bella is hysterical, Edward is all but silent. Bella stares at him. For pages. Pages and pages. Yeesh.
Edward explains the expression Aro used: La tua cantante as "blood singer". This is the vampire word for someone who's blood calls out to ta vampire. Bella seems to only do this to Edward, so it's sort of a personal thing.
Bella marvels at Gianna's presence and states her amazement that Gianna wants to be a vampire. Edward almost rolls his eyes, I put my head down and almost wept. Yes, I know that Bella is dividing Wahmpires and Vampires, but the desire to feed is part and parcel to getting turned, just because you overcome it doesn't mean it isn't there, and SHE WANTS THIS.
Whatever. Alec returns and dismisses them, they flee the city via another car-theft by Alice.
Bella insists on staying awake for the ride, flight to Rome and flight back to Atlanta so she can stare at Edward. He kisses and holds her, but she's still fixated on the notion that he'll abandon her as soon as it's convenient. Which would have been, oh I don't know, Rome or something. In all fairness, Edward hasn't really said anything to soothe her fears, but he has been very accepting of her clingy-starey mode and has been very touchy-feely. They make it back to Atlanta where the rest of the Cullens are waiting in the car park.
Carlise, Esme and Emmett are there to make chit-chat. Alice and Jasper have a moment. Rosalie apologizes for trying to get everyone killed and then Edward drives Bella home. Charlie is rightly very upset with Edward and Bella falls asleep.
SumUp C
There's nothing outright wrong with this chapter, but it's just another travelogue full of frustrating moments. Edward's ongoing silence is annoying. Bella's pathetic clingy mode is annoying. Rosalie's apology is annoying. Bella's surprise that someone would want to be a Vampire is idiotic.
In the end, it just gets us back to Charlie's house so we can have the big "I left you for your own good and it was horrible" scene in the next chapter. Bella and Edward are back together and it's worse than I remember.
Bella, Edward and Alice wait in the reception area with Gianna until dark. Bella is hysterical, Edward is all but silent. Bella stares at him. For pages. Pages and pages. Yeesh.
Edward explains the expression Aro used: La tua cantante as "blood singer". This is the vampire word for someone who's blood calls out to ta vampire. Bella seems to only do this to Edward, so it's sort of a personal thing.
Bella marvels at Gianna's presence and states her amazement that Gianna wants to be a vampire. Edward almost rolls his eyes, I put my head down and almost wept. Yes, I know that Bella is dividing Wahmpires and Vampires, but the desire to feed is part and parcel to getting turned, just because you overcome it doesn't mean it isn't there, and SHE WANTS THIS.
Whatever. Alec returns and dismisses them, they flee the city via another car-theft by Alice.
Bella insists on staying awake for the ride, flight to Rome and flight back to Atlanta so she can stare at Edward. He kisses and holds her, but she's still fixated on the notion that he'll abandon her as soon as it's convenient. Which would have been, oh I don't know, Rome or something. In all fairness, Edward hasn't really said anything to soothe her fears, but he has been very accepting of her clingy-starey mode and has been very touchy-feely. They make it back to Atlanta where the rest of the Cullens are waiting in the car park.
Carlise, Esme and Emmett are there to make chit-chat. Alice and Jasper have a moment. Rosalie apologizes for trying to get everyone killed and then Edward drives Bella home. Charlie is rightly very upset with Edward and Bella falls asleep.
SumUp C
There's nothing outright wrong with this chapter, but it's just another travelogue full of frustrating moments. Edward's ongoing silence is annoying. Bella's pathetic clingy mode is annoying. Rosalie's apology is annoying. Bella's surprise that someone would want to be a Vampire is idiotic.
In the end, it just gets us back to Charlie's house so we can have the big "I left you for your own good and it was horrible" scene in the next chapter. Bella and Edward are back together and it's worse than I remember.
Monday, October 11, 2010
T.02.21 Verdict
In Which Vampire Court is Pretty Much What You'd Expect
Just to note. I've had to take a bit to recover from chapter 20: the prologue part 2. My dogs give me wary looks when I pick up this book.
Bella, Edward and Alice are escorted by Jane, Demetri and Felix out of the dark tunnels that lead into an office building. Honestly. They take an elevator down to a fancy-deluxe business foyer where they meet the receptionist (of the damned?), a human named Gianna. Not what I was expecting at all (good things). From here, they meet the Voluri in what amounts to a castle turret inside the office. I don't know. It's a fancy office building constructed around a stone castle in the middle of Italy. Fine.
Waiting is Aro, who is attired as you'd expect an ancient vampire to be. He's a telepath (different rules than Ed: more powerful but must touch you), plus he's quite tickled with Bella and Edward. They are then joined by the less amused Marcus and Caius. Aro is very interested in Bella and her siren call to Edward as well as her weird immunity to certain powers. It seems she is similarly immune to his own telepathy and Jane's magic: brain pain. We also meet Alec, who's magic powers are not described yet.
"She confounds us all", Aro says. Amen, brother. Her plot-specific powers are certainly confounding.
Aro essentially asks Bella to join the Volturi, although intentionally or not it sounds like a double-entendre: join for dinner or join as a member. He also asks Alice and Edward, everybody refuses. Finally, the trio of superpowerful creatures of the night point out that Bella is a liability and has broken their rules, so she has to die. Aro doesn't want to waste her talent, so again: she can be a vampire or a meal. Instead, they accept that Edward is going to do the wahmpirization eventually because Alice steps forward and Aro scans her. Either Aro is really dumb about how Alice's powers work or he sees something we don't. He calls the vision "fascinating" and laughs, so I'm guessing there's something sekret going on here that we'll all be privy to in the next book.
The Volturi let them go and they return to the foyer where they pass Heidi, who has been out hunting for tourists to feed the Volturi. At least the chapter ended on a realistic note.
SumUp C+
So now we know who and what the Volturi are. Plus we've seen the reception area of the damned! At first I thought Gianna was a reference to Gehenna (hell), but apparently it's just a normal Italian name. Live and learn.
On the one hand the Volturi are pretty stock characters for Vampire Royalty. Think Underworld. I did like the office building environment, it was at least a step away from the ever-present dark ages vibe you get from most vampire lairs. The tourists as food was especially a nice touch, especially Heidi the hotty being bait. Bella's reaction is sort of silly, but it gets worse shortly.
I'm all but drained when it comes to Bella's ever-evolving vampire resisting powers. They are as plot-specific than Alice's and I can't imagine what they'll turn into when she gets wahmpirized. I'm also annoyed at the Aro and Alice interaction. He seems either supremely confident in his own powers or foolishly confident in Alice's, which doesn't paint him as being smart. I'm assuming there's some special whatnot that Alice is plotting that will set this all to rights, or at least attempt to. Maybe it'll make sense. Maybe I'll care. It's a magical world sometimes.
So this get's a borderline good grade thanks to descriptions, realistic feeling Vampires (Felix et al) and the twists and garnish that Meyer has added to the Volturi. They were interesting and believable without being too cliche. Can't wait to see where we go with that.
Just to note. I've had to take a bit to recover from chapter 20: the prologue part 2. My dogs give me wary looks when I pick up this book.
Bella, Edward and Alice are escorted by Jane, Demetri and Felix out of the dark tunnels that lead into an office building. Honestly. They take an elevator down to a fancy-deluxe business foyer where they meet the receptionist (of the damned?), a human named Gianna. Not what I was expecting at all (good things). From here, they meet the Voluri in what amounts to a castle turret inside the office. I don't know. It's a fancy office building constructed around a stone castle in the middle of Italy. Fine.
Waiting is Aro, who is attired as you'd expect an ancient vampire to be. He's a telepath (different rules than Ed: more powerful but must touch you), plus he's quite tickled with Bella and Edward. They are then joined by the less amused Marcus and Caius. Aro is very interested in Bella and her siren call to Edward as well as her weird immunity to certain powers. It seems she is similarly immune to his own telepathy and Jane's magic: brain pain. We also meet Alec, who's magic powers are not described yet.
"She confounds us all", Aro says. Amen, brother. Her plot-specific powers are certainly confounding.
Aro essentially asks Bella to join the Volturi, although intentionally or not it sounds like a double-entendre: join for dinner or join as a member. He also asks Alice and Edward, everybody refuses. Finally, the trio of superpowerful creatures of the night point out that Bella is a liability and has broken their rules, so she has to die. Aro doesn't want to waste her talent, so again: she can be a vampire or a meal. Instead, they accept that Edward is going to do the wahmpirization eventually because Alice steps forward and Aro scans her. Either Aro is really dumb about how Alice's powers work or he sees something we don't. He calls the vision "fascinating" and laughs, so I'm guessing there's something sekret going on here that we'll all be privy to in the next book.
The Volturi let them go and they return to the foyer where they pass Heidi, who has been out hunting for tourists to feed the Volturi. At least the chapter ended on a realistic note.
SumUp C+
So now we know who and what the Volturi are. Plus we've seen the reception area of the damned! At first I thought Gianna was a reference to Gehenna (hell), but apparently it's just a normal Italian name. Live and learn.
On the one hand the Volturi are pretty stock characters for Vampire Royalty. Think Underworld. I did like the office building environment, it was at least a step away from the ever-present dark ages vibe you get from most vampire lairs. The tourists as food was especially a nice touch, especially Heidi the hotty being bait. Bella's reaction is sort of silly, but it gets worse shortly.
I'm all but drained when it comes to Bella's ever-evolving vampire resisting powers. They are as plot-specific than Alice's and I can't imagine what they'll turn into when she gets wahmpirized. I'm also annoyed at the Aro and Alice interaction. He seems either supremely confident in his own powers or foolishly confident in Alice's, which doesn't paint him as being smart. I'm assuming there's some special whatnot that Alice is plotting that will set this all to rights, or at least attempt to. Maybe it'll make sense. Maybe I'll care. It's a magical world sometimes.
So this get's a borderline good grade thanks to descriptions, realistic feeling Vampires (Felix et al) and the twists and garnish that Meyer has added to the Volturi. They were interesting and believable without being too cliche. Can't wait to see where we go with that.
Friday, October 8, 2010
T.02.20 Volterra
In Which The Tension Is Skillfully Deflated
Edward is standing in an alleyway, about to step into the sunlight of the plaza at the stroke of noon. Bella rushes in on the other side after Alice drops her off. There are Volturi guards all around, waiting to kill Edward if he tries to reveal himself. Only Bella can stop him, but she's sooooo far away.
Guess how Bella saves Edward?
Oh come on, you know she does, guess how?
She can't reach him in time, of course. It's too far, remember? Huge square just stuffed full o' people.
Nothing.
She just gets there in the nick of time.
Oh, she crosses the square faster by cutting through a fountain, but she doesn't do it because of any bright ideas, she literally runs into it. It's in her way. She spots gaps and she rushes and whew! Wasn't that close, Ed? She almost didn't make it. Good thing it wasn't impossible or anything.
Edward thinks he died and found Bella's ghost or something, she tries to convince him they're both alive. As she argues with him the Volturi guards arrive: Felix and Demetri. They seem very insistent that Edward go visit the Volturi, he refuses, they threaten, Alice arrives to even the score and another pixie vampire arrives to unbalance it again. Jane is some sort of super-enforcer with clout, so they all go to some backdoor entrance to the grand whatnot.
Edward and Alice discuss the surprising existence of Bella while they walk through some underground crypt. Just as I was enjoying the view we end chapter.
SumUp F-
As per usual, the descriptions are nice. Lovely, in some cases. Bellas flight across the square is told vividly and I could easily see the people in Bella's way in my mind's eye. Even Edward is described in bold, flourished detail that I'm certain gave me exactly the mental image intended. But like the death of James, the buildup of Edward's blood-lust and so many other dramatic tensions in this series, Meyer loves to insist that something CANNOT happen only to tell you in the next breath that it simply DID.
That's not lazy writing, that's a fundamental and fatal flaw in Ms. Meyer's skillset and it truly confuses me. The woman can write. She can clearly afford to hire an editor or sixty, so why can't she craft a climax? THIS is supposed to be the ultimate moment in this book, the second in time that 19 chapters have led up to. HERE AND NOW is where you're supposed to feel jubilant because the protagonist overcame the great central problem. Then things will move forward into the resolution, where all sorts of happy events can happen. Yet here, again, we are told that the resolution came at no cost, no effort and really what were you so worried about? She just had to run a little bit faster than she thought and Edward is fine and their weird love can flourish just as soon as this whole meeting business is done with.
Worst of all, Bella is denied a chance to DO SOMETHING. Unleashed (pardon the pun) from her vampire handler, she's in control of her own fate for the first time since the Victoria nonsense started. Here, now, at this moment she can be anything the author wants. She is out of time. She is mere feet from the love of her life. She is resolute, determined, desperate! We the audience will forgive just about anything. We will accept a sudden burst of genius, a desperate gamble that pays off, we would just about kill for a moment of true self-sacrifice. This is your moment to instill in your heroine all of the traits and qualities you want! After chapters of build up, after insisting that no normal act can save him, no mere frail human can run fast enough or yell loud enough or do anything human to prevent this final second death. She's got tons of people around, use them! SHE's GOT A GIANT FOUNTAIN! Why not use it in some desperate, wild act of genius that Edward sees. Then you can have him trapped. Have him realize something is wrong. I don't know, but this is supposed to be the moment that nineteen chapters have built up to. And in that moment, what does Bella do? She screams and runs to Edward and grabs him in time to stop him from taking a step.
They are warm, Juliet. Because he was never a vampire.
Edward is standing in an alleyway, about to step into the sunlight of the plaza at the stroke of noon. Bella rushes in on the other side after Alice drops her off. There are Volturi guards all around, waiting to kill Edward if he tries to reveal himself. Only Bella can stop him, but she's sooooo far away.
Guess how Bella saves Edward?
Oh come on, you know she does, guess how?
She can't reach him in time, of course. It's too far, remember? Huge square just stuffed full o' people.
- I knew I was too late - Prelude
- I knew I was too late - pg. 448
- I wasn't going to make it - pg. 448
- It was useless (her yelling) - pg. 449
Nothing.
She just gets there in the nick of time.
Oh, she crosses the square faster by cutting through a fountain, but she doesn't do it because of any bright ideas, she literally runs into it. It's in her way. She spots gaps and she rushes and whew! Wasn't that close, Ed? She almost didn't make it. Good thing it wasn't impossible or anything.
Edward thinks he died and found Bella's ghost or something, she tries to convince him they're both alive. As she argues with him the Volturi guards arrive: Felix and Demetri. They seem very insistent that Edward go visit the Volturi, he refuses, they threaten, Alice arrives to even the score and another pixie vampire arrives to unbalance it again. Jane is some sort of super-enforcer with clout, so they all go to some backdoor entrance to the grand whatnot.
Edward and Alice discuss the surprising existence of Bella while they walk through some underground crypt. Just as I was enjoying the view we end chapter.
SumUp F-
As per usual, the descriptions are nice. Lovely, in some cases. Bellas flight across the square is told vividly and I could easily see the people in Bella's way in my mind's eye. Even Edward is described in bold, flourished detail that I'm certain gave me exactly the mental image intended. But like the death of James, the buildup of Edward's blood-lust and so many other dramatic tensions in this series, Meyer loves to insist that something CANNOT happen only to tell you in the next breath that it simply DID.
That's not lazy writing, that's a fundamental and fatal flaw in Ms. Meyer's skillset and it truly confuses me. The woman can write. She can clearly afford to hire an editor or sixty, so why can't she craft a climax? THIS is supposed to be the ultimate moment in this book, the second in time that 19 chapters have led up to. HERE AND NOW is where you're supposed to feel jubilant because the protagonist overcame the great central problem. Then things will move forward into the resolution, where all sorts of happy events can happen. Yet here, again, we are told that the resolution came at no cost, no effort and really what were you so worried about? She just had to run a little bit faster than she thought and Edward is fine and their weird love can flourish just as soon as this whole meeting business is done with.
Worst of all, Bella is denied a chance to DO SOMETHING. Unleashed (pardon the pun) from her vampire handler, she's in control of her own fate for the first time since the Victoria nonsense started. Here, now, at this moment she can be anything the author wants. She is out of time. She is mere feet from the love of her life. She is resolute, determined, desperate! We the audience will forgive just about anything. We will accept a sudden burst of genius, a desperate gamble that pays off, we would just about kill for a moment of true self-sacrifice. This is your moment to instill in your heroine all of the traits and qualities you want! After chapters of build up, after insisting that no normal act can save him, no mere frail human can run fast enough or yell loud enough or do anything human to prevent this final second death. She's got tons of people around, use them! SHE's GOT A GIANT FOUNTAIN! Why not use it in some desperate, wild act of genius that Edward sees. Then you can have him trapped. Have him realize something is wrong. I don't know, but this is supposed to be the moment that nineteen chapters have built up to. And in that moment, what does Bella do? She screams and runs to Edward and grabs him in time to stop him from taking a step.
What's here? a cup, closed in my true love's hand?Romeo and Juliet. Act 5. Scene 3
Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end:
O churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop
To help me after? I will kiss thy lips;
Haply some poison yet doth hang on them,
To make die with a restorative.
Kisses him
Thy lips are warm.
They are warm, Juliet. Because he was never a vampire.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
T.02.19 Race
In Which We Race To Volterrabithia.
Want to know what happens in this chapter? They go to Volterra, Italy.
That's it.
Oh, there's a plane ride and a car theft and a lot of driving, but our protagonist has nothing to do with any of it. Bella sits and worries while they wait for the plane. She sits and worries when they transfer planes. She sits and worries while Alice races across Italy in a stolen Porsche. Alice: our new protagonist. Alice even reveals that she's in love with Jasper when she assures him that she'll be fine, the reveals that she's lying. Wow. Jasper... was he the one staying with Alice and Bella during the Hunt? Where was the love then? Dunno. Why add characterization here? Guess it's Alice's time to shine. You know what I'd like to see? A book about this, a character who does things, who solves problems, who tells her boyfriend lies because she loves him and worries about the danger. A character who ISN'T BELLA DUMMY SWAN and her endless list of things that to suffer through.
I know, this sounds like a SumUp, but there's nothing to report. They try to get to Volterra and they do. Edward tried to get the Volturi to kill him outright and they refused because they know he has a clock and a square in his near future. Actually, it's because they like Carlisle too much to kill his mopey, dumb adopted son. Alice reveals some of the inner workings of the Volturi, which is nice, but since we already know that Edward isn't going to die until Bella gets close enough to yell at him, this is all pointless. Plus almost nothing revealed about the secret Vampire upper class is surprising or shocking in the least. They are essentially what you'd expect them to be and little else.
SumUp F
This would have been a reasonably exciting chapter, even knowing Edward was going to survive thanks to his love-of-her-life status, but it isn't. We've already read this chapter when it was called the prologue. Bella is once again luggage and Alice's powers are once again plot-specific. It's a perfunctory bit of travelogue that only existed because "They go to Volterra, Italy" wouldn't fill out a whole chapter.
Want to know what happens in this chapter? They go to Volterra, Italy.
That's it.
Oh, there's a plane ride and a car theft and a lot of driving, but our protagonist has nothing to do with any of it. Bella sits and worries while they wait for the plane. She sits and worries when they transfer planes. She sits and worries while Alice races across Italy in a stolen Porsche. Alice: our new protagonist. Alice even reveals that she's in love with Jasper when she assures him that she'll be fine, the reveals that she's lying. Wow. Jasper... was he the one staying with Alice and Bella during the Hunt? Where was the love then? Dunno. Why add characterization here? Guess it's Alice's time to shine. You know what I'd like to see? A book about this, a character who does things, who solves problems, who tells her boyfriend lies because she loves him and worries about the danger. A character who ISN'T BELLA DUMMY SWAN and her endless list of things that to suffer through.
I know, this sounds like a SumUp, but there's nothing to report. They try to get to Volterra and they do. Edward tried to get the Volturi to kill him outright and they refused because they know he has a clock and a square in his near future. Actually, it's because they like Carlisle too much to kill his mopey, dumb adopted son. Alice reveals some of the inner workings of the Volturi, which is nice, but since we already know that Edward isn't going to die until Bella gets close enough to yell at him, this is all pointless. Plus almost nothing revealed about the secret Vampire upper class is surprising or shocking in the least. They are essentially what you'd expect them to be and little else.
SumUp F
This would have been a reasonably exciting chapter, even knowing Edward was going to survive thanks to his love-of-her-life status, but it isn't. We've already read this chapter when it was called the prologue. Bella is once again luggage and Alice's powers are once again plot-specific. It's a perfunctory bit of travelogue that only existed because "They go to Volterra, Italy" wouldn't fill out a whole chapter.
Monday, October 4, 2010
T.02.18 The Funeral
In Which Jacob Tells Edward That Bella Is Dead
Jake shows up and is agitated by the vamprie scent. Sensing this, Bella proceeds to antagonize him in some sort of replay of her dance of death with Edward. Sure, why not see if the Werewolf can keep calm while he feels hurt, betrayed and threatened by the presence of his sworn enemy. Poke him with a sharp stick, too, moron.
Anyway, Jacob's mainly interested in establishing that the Cullen truce is still in effect in regard to Alice and Victoria, letting Bella know that she's not under Tribal protection in Forks and finding out if the rest of the Cullens are about to return. This is all reasonable and good to know stuff, which is probably why Bella continues to be a shrill harpy until Jacob apologizes. Low blow, dude. Bella finally backs down and they have a moment of rational, friendly discussion. Jacob can't be around Vampires and the feeling is clearly mutual. Bella doesn't like it.
Jacob takes a moment of tenderness to try his luck with a kiss (she's pretty much inviting it) and in the middle of a huge monologue about whether she's ready to give up Edward for the boring safety of Jacob the phone rings. I swear this was supposed to be some sort of climax. In any other book I'd have taken the bait. Bella was giving some consideration to this, she's trying somewhat to get Edward out of her life and HAD she kissed Jacob it would have added a gigantic amount of tension and drama to the book. Meyer, of course, is allergic to building dramatic tension for very long, so it all gets deflated by a phone call.
Jacob answers and tells whoever it is that Charlie is "at the funeral" and hangs up. He tells Bella that it was Carlisle Suddenly, Alice is there and very upset.
Right, so there's a huge, weird confusing reveal and it works out like this (you're welcome). Some time prior Alice told Rosalie about her vision. Why? Because that way Edward would find out and kill himself. Or because I don't know why and otherwise the plot would be stalled in Charlie's foyer. Edward calls Charlie and instead gets Jacob (the phone call above) to confirm Bella's death and Jacob tells Edward that Charlie is "at the funeral". Jacob means the recently re-introduced Harry, not the still-alive Bella. Why not say "at Harry's funeral"? You know why. Edward, of course, assumes Jacob means Bella's funeral and boom, we're all caught up, they're all caught up and we can get on to that stupid European clock-square thing.
Can't believe I didn't tie "the funeral" chapter into the Edward puzzle. I'm getting sloppy.
Bella is annoyed because she doesn't get ye olde bigge picture while Alice hyperventilates. Why? No idea. It's not like Edward didn't tell her point blank directly to her face in plain English that his Plan A was to off himself thirty seconds after she snuffed it... oh wait, that's exactly what he did. Yeah, well, we'll just call the suicidal vampire on his cell to let him know not to do that. Oh, but he's ditched it. Of course.
Bella finally remembers the "I'm going to kill myself" scene (and we get to read it again in case we also forgot) and Alice tells Bella/us that he's going to Italy to get the Volturi to kill him. Which is what he just said in flashback. Maybe they're not taking notes like I am.
Luckily, Bella has her passport all situated (insert eye roll) and after a bit of growling between Jacob and Alice, it's off to the airport.
SumUp F-
Right. Since we're robbing Shakespeare, we might as well flip the corpse over and check the back pockets. In R&J, Friar Laurence concocts the whole fake suicide plan to get the crazy kids together and sends a message to Romeo to let him know that Juliet really isn't dead and not to do anything, you know, rash. The guy who actually carries the message can't get through to Romeo in time (plague) and, not knowing the urgency, returns with the letter. I'll leave it as homework for you to figure out all the ins and outs of the analogy here.
Once again Bella is determined to annoy a monster in a situation where help isn't readily available. The frustration she must feel at defending her friend against what amounts to racism/monsterism is tangible. That aside, she has a werewolf in her foyer who's really, really annoyed and grumpy. Maybe the direct, in-your-face approach should take a back seat to something a little less suicidal. Guess she's put a lot of stock in Jacob's promise.
Worse than all that, though is the endless miscommunication and roundabout misunderstandings and dragging Rosalie into all this as a trusted confidant when it came to Bella jumping off a cliff. This is why I have huge slash scribbles and swear words in my notebook. This is why I lose focus on a chapter and shout unanswerable questions at my dogs. This is what drags every nice thing I said about the first part of the book into the swamp and kicks it in the head. This. This. This. It's gone on for chapter after chapter and it makes Bella look like a giant imbecile.
Bella is, again, flying off to the climactic chapter. Now we're going to Italy where Meyer has already told us what's going to happen. Why? I don't know. The prelude isn't some allusion to the next chapter, it's a VERBATIM COPY of a big chunk of the scene. That means we have two choices as readers: assume that Edward is going to die and watch in amazement as Meyer tries to resolve the repercussions using literary kung-fu OR assume that Bella somehow saves him.
Jake shows up and is agitated by the vamprie scent. Sensing this, Bella proceeds to antagonize him in some sort of replay of her dance of death with Edward. Sure, why not see if the Werewolf can keep calm while he feels hurt, betrayed and threatened by the presence of his sworn enemy. Poke him with a sharp stick, too, moron.
Anyway, Jacob's mainly interested in establishing that the Cullen truce is still in effect in regard to Alice and Victoria, letting Bella know that she's not under Tribal protection in Forks and finding out if the rest of the Cullens are about to return. This is all reasonable and good to know stuff, which is probably why Bella continues to be a shrill harpy until Jacob apologizes. Low blow, dude. Bella finally backs down and they have a moment of rational, friendly discussion. Jacob can't be around Vampires and the feeling is clearly mutual. Bella doesn't like it.
Jacob takes a moment of tenderness to try his luck with a kiss (she's pretty much inviting it) and in the middle of a huge monologue about whether she's ready to give up Edward for the boring safety of Jacob the phone rings. I swear this was supposed to be some sort of climax. In any other book I'd have taken the bait. Bella was giving some consideration to this, she's trying somewhat to get Edward out of her life and HAD she kissed Jacob it would have added a gigantic amount of tension and drama to the book. Meyer, of course, is allergic to building dramatic tension for very long, so it all gets deflated by a phone call.
Jacob answers and tells whoever it is that Charlie is "at the funeral" and hangs up. He tells Bella that it was Carlisle Suddenly, Alice is there and very upset.
Right, so there's a huge, weird confusing reveal and it works out like this (you're welcome). Some time prior Alice told Rosalie about her vision. Why? Because that way Edward would find out and kill himself. Or because I don't know why and otherwise the plot would be stalled in Charlie's foyer. Edward calls Charlie and instead gets Jacob (the phone call above) to confirm Bella's death and Jacob tells Edward that Charlie is "at the funeral". Jacob means the recently re-introduced Harry, not the still-alive Bella. Why not say "at Harry's funeral"? You know why. Edward, of course, assumes Jacob means Bella's funeral and boom, we're all caught up, they're all caught up and we can get on to that stupid European clock-square thing.
Can't believe I didn't tie "the funeral" chapter into the Edward puzzle. I'm getting sloppy.
Bella is annoyed because she doesn't get ye olde bigge picture while Alice hyperventilates. Why? No idea. It's not like Edward didn't tell her point blank directly to her face in plain English that his Plan A was to off himself thirty seconds after she snuffed it... oh wait, that's exactly what he did. Yeah, well, we'll just call the suicidal vampire on his cell to let him know not to do that. Oh, but he's ditched it. Of course.
Bella finally remembers the "I'm going to kill myself" scene (and we get to read it again in case we also forgot) and Alice tells Bella/us that he's going to Italy to get the Volturi to kill him. Which is what he just said in flashback. Maybe they're not taking notes like I am.
Luckily, Bella has her passport all situated (insert eye roll) and after a bit of growling between Jacob and Alice, it's off to the airport.
SumUp F-
Right. Since we're robbing Shakespeare, we might as well flip the corpse over and check the back pockets. In R&J, Friar Laurence concocts the whole fake suicide plan to get the crazy kids together and sends a message to Romeo to let him know that Juliet really isn't dead and not to do anything, you know, rash. The guy who actually carries the message can't get through to Romeo in time (plague) and, not knowing the urgency, returns with the letter. I'll leave it as homework for you to figure out all the ins and outs of the analogy here.
Once again Bella is determined to annoy a monster in a situation where help isn't readily available. The frustration she must feel at defending her friend against what amounts to racism/monsterism is tangible. That aside, she has a werewolf in her foyer who's really, really annoyed and grumpy. Maybe the direct, in-your-face approach should take a back seat to something a little less suicidal. Guess she's put a lot of stock in Jacob's promise.
Worse than all that, though is the endless miscommunication and roundabout misunderstandings and dragging Rosalie into all this as a trusted confidant when it came to Bella jumping off a cliff. This is why I have huge slash scribbles and swear words in my notebook. This is why I lose focus on a chapter and shout unanswerable questions at my dogs. This is what drags every nice thing I said about the first part of the book into the swamp and kicks it in the head. This. This. This. It's gone on for chapter after chapter and it makes Bella look like a giant imbecile.
Bella is, again, flying off to the climactic chapter. Now we're going to Italy where Meyer has already told us what's going to happen. Why? I don't know. The prelude isn't some allusion to the next chapter, it's a VERBATIM COPY of a big chunk of the scene. That means we have two choices as readers: assume that Edward is going to die and watch in amazement as Meyer tries to resolve the repercussions using literary kung-fu OR assume that Bella somehow saves him.
Friday, October 1, 2010
T.02.17 Visitor
In Which... Oh No, It's Alice
Yep, It's Alice. Ever-so-useful Alice and she's surprised to see Bella in Bella's own home. So that pretty much sums it up, eh? You know, I really wanted Victoria to amount to something other than a vague, distant threat, not much hope with a scant 8 chapters remaining and a whole climax in the courtyard to get through.
Onward, then. Alice saw Bella jump off a cliff and blah blah. She can't see Werewolves in her visions (eh?) Bella smells like a werewolf (oh kay...) Jacob checks in on Bella and we split up for showers and feeding time.Alice returns and the girls catch up a bit, big news is that Edward seems to be off and about in South America, so I'm trying to figure out how Alice's vision gets to him.
Charlie comes back and he discusses funeral plans with Bella, who then crashes out on the couch. While she pretends to sleep, Charlie chats with Alice about Bella's long depression. It's a bit of insight into Charlie's state of mind over the whole book... which would have been really nice before Book 2, Chapter 17. Beggars and choosers and such.
Charlie heads out to help with the arrangements while Bella chats with Alice. There's some catching up on the rest of the Cullens and a bit of background on Alice's life.
The next day is the funeral, Bella and Alice stay home and Bella cleans house while they chat about friends and old times. When the doorbell rings, Alice is surprised which means Jacob (invisible in her visions) has returned.
SumUp B-
Although I'm not recounting much here, it's not because this is a short chapter. There just isn't much happening outside of long discussions. It's all chit-chat and catchup that gives us some much-needed insight into Alice and Charlie. I'm only docking it to a B- because I know that Alice's ever-plot-dependent powers are going to somehow set the final story into motion.
I'm still trying to get a grip on Alice's powers. Sometimes she has to do this trancey thing to see stuff, sometimes she just KNOWS things are going to happen. Description in the text suggests it depends on how detached it is from her, but is she really always aware of whats going to happen directly to her five minutes before it does? That's a really messed up way to exist. How would you possibly live like that? Maybe she just does a day-check each morning or something. Odd and annoying.
The creepy Charlie infatuation mentioned previously is absent (thankfully) and there's a real sense of affection between Bella and Alice. It all flows and informs and colors, which I guess makes it the calm before the storm.
Yep, It's Alice. Ever-so-useful Alice and she's surprised to see Bella in Bella's own home. So that pretty much sums it up, eh? You know, I really wanted Victoria to amount to something other than a vague, distant threat, not much hope with a scant 8 chapters remaining and a whole climax in the courtyard to get through.
Onward, then. Alice saw Bella jump off a cliff and blah blah. She can't see Werewolves in her visions (eh?) Bella smells like a werewolf (oh kay...) Jacob checks in on Bella and we split up for showers and feeding time.Alice returns and the girls catch up a bit, big news is that Edward seems to be off and about in South America, so I'm trying to figure out how Alice's vision gets to him.
Charlie comes back and he discusses funeral plans with Bella, who then crashes out on the couch. While she pretends to sleep, Charlie chats with Alice about Bella's long depression. It's a bit of insight into Charlie's state of mind over the whole book... which would have been really nice before Book 2, Chapter 17. Beggars and choosers and such.
Charlie heads out to help with the arrangements while Bella chats with Alice. There's some catching up on the rest of the Cullens and a bit of background on Alice's life.
The next day is the funeral, Bella and Alice stay home and Bella cleans house while they chat about friends and old times. When the doorbell rings, Alice is surprised which means Jacob (invisible in her visions) has returned.
SumUp B-
Although I'm not recounting much here, it's not because this is a short chapter. There just isn't much happening outside of long discussions. It's all chit-chat and catchup that gives us some much-needed insight into Alice and Charlie. I'm only docking it to a B- because I know that Alice's ever-plot-dependent powers are going to somehow set the final story into motion.
I'm still trying to get a grip on Alice's powers. Sometimes she has to do this trancey thing to see stuff, sometimes she just KNOWS things are going to happen. Description in the text suggests it depends on how detached it is from her, but is she really always aware of whats going to happen directly to her five minutes before it does? That's a really messed up way to exist. How would you possibly live like that? Maybe she just does a day-check each morning or something. Odd and annoying.
The creepy Charlie infatuation mentioned previously is absent (thankfully) and there's a real sense of affection between Bella and Alice. It all flows and informs and colors, which I guess makes it the calm before the storm.
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