In Which I Get To Rant
The Book: was easy to read when I didn't stop and wonder at the internal logic. It's not a hard book to digest, it's not even a hard book to like here and there. It is, however, an impossible book to objectively like when you pay attention to the details.
Bella is a damsel in distress who, in 20 and 3/4ths chapters is broadly painted as a mopey, dopey victim in constant need of rescue. We get characterization in her being clumsy, which is overplayed and near comedic, as well as domestic and a bookworm. Most of her conversations with Edward circle around her early frustration with him, then fascination with his kind or his form. The only real spark of life comes when Edward goes back to her room and the Hunt sequence. Her scant contributions to anything plot-related were to expand part of the escape plan so that her father wouldn't think Edward kidnapped her and to throw herself in harms way. Beyond that she was essentially luggage. At no point did she really become the story's protagonist and at no point was I in the least bit concerned for anything but her sanity. This, THIS is the book's main focus!
Edward is a neutered statue of a knight who lives to be enigmatic and sexually frustrated. He only manages to achieve some interest during the dinner scene and his conflicted plotting and planning during Bella's flight, 20 chapters into the book. He is extraordinarily creepy. He has lazy plot-cheating superpowers. He is about as much a 17 year old male as my vacuum cleaner. I don't know why this concoction is supposed to be the perfect love for Bella, nor why the target audience of readers think Edward is some paragon of love.
The Cast of FHS and damn near every other "character" are forgettable and useless. The early teen drama was somewhat annoying, but at least it was in character with the genre and though melodramatic it could easily be titled "things that might happen in a High School" minus the Vampire Choir. Only Mike is painted with any kind of depth and he's written out of the story almost as soon as he was introduced. Jessica and Angela, Bella's so-called friends, essentially end as annoying gossipers. Meyer even reveals her contempt when she has Edward mind-read Jessica and calls her "simple". The economy of Forks is baffling, every student Bella meets has a car and a few seem to have no trouble replacing them when required. Lastly, I don't understand how everyone in town and FHS seems impossibly tolerant of the Cullens and their weirdness. One or two odd things would be "eccentric" but we have a laundry list of very abnormal behavior that should have everyone far more interested in their goings on Understand that in a vampire/monster novel the normal people around Bella and Edward should ideally be a reflection of the reality of the reader. While Bella and Edward slip further from "normal" via the plot we should have her friends' reactions as a guidepost to how far they've gone. The seeds for this are planted in the gossip, jealousy and fascination of her friends, but all that goes away with the sudden shift of focus away from FHS and into the wilderness or Phoenix.
Wahmpires are ludicrous. Meyer has taken normal vampires, neutered them and then applied every possible superpower she needed to advance the plot. They lack common sense, any sense of self-preservation and are ultimately caricatures. They are on the one hand too powerful, being super strong and super fast and having zero physical weaknesses. This robs them of any drama or conflict unless they're fighting each other, which takes the story's protagonist out of the equation completely. Bella cannot help Edward with any problems. In most vampire stories humans can help the vampire by walking in sunlight or dealing with crosses, etc. Here, Edward is a demi-god physically and there are no possible risks to his safety. On the other hand, his one true weakness is his inability (allegedly) to control himself around Bella / blood. This is supposed to establish conflict and tension and danger and at several points in the story, it actually does. The constant baiting (meadow, bedroom) and unnecessarily dangerous situations (running) reveal the lie behind this facade. In the ultimate climax, it barely rates a quiet comment when Edward is tested in what's been presented to the reader as the ultimate, impossible to resist way to break Edward's will/sanity and he skates through unscathed. Why doesn't Edward go berserk? Meyer has already built a safety net with Carlisle and Alice hovering over top of Bella. WHY NOT USE IT? Have them hold him back when his will shatters and he goes all vampy! That would at least have added some weight to this ccoonnnssttaanntt emphasis on Edward's need and the risk they're taking. The only positive in this whole trainwreck was Alice vs James and his manipulation of her cheat-powers, a development that surprised me in it's depth and which actually made sense. Finally (whew!) we get almost no characterization other than Carlisle's backstory, brief mentions of Rosalie's frustration and a tiny spark of life from Alice and Emmett.
The Werewolves: had zero effect. Maybe in the next book they'll be important. Why are we even paying attention to them in the sixth chapter? I'm still ready to rant and rave and go posting postal if Jacob turns out to be a Werewolf. So help me Hemmingway, I shall strike down upon thee!
Final SumUP:
Average Chapter Score: D
Meyer's strengths include wonderful descriptions, in depth conversations (that don't involve B&E or their "love") and a handful of good characterization when she feels the need. (Charlie & the snow chains, flashes of life from Edward, Bella and Mike). The book is easy to read and the story flows nicely whenever Bella and Edward aren't bogging things down with their tedious relationship. There was only any real tension or story progress in the last few chapters, and they were far too short.
Her flaws include what looks to be a baffling definition of love, half-imagined fantasy creatures and jarring plot pacing.
Meyer's "romance" and "love" between Edward and Bella rings false in every possible way. Edward only loves Bella because of some magical, undefined quality that Bella has had bestowed on her by Meyer. Edward describes it as a scent repeatedly. He eventually finds her interesting and intriguing during their conversations (after the dinner date), but mostly he's amused by her constant danger-prone-ness and (rightly) by her insistent need to be with him regardless of risk. It often feels like a cat amused by a persistent mouse, held back from killing it because of some magically applied love. On the other hand, Bella is ensnared by Edward's otherwordly perfection and bizarre statuelike qualities. It's essentially physical plus some drug-addict need that is a magical duplicate "TRUE LOVE" wand-tap from Meyer. So forget whatever you know about relationships and experiences and shared ideas and goals and trust, just wait for the love-hammer to swing down from above to set you up with your true, eternal, unquestionable love.
The plot is hugely problematic because there isn't a single, central plot to follow. It's not a crime to have multiple story arcs, but they have to play second flute to the main plot or at least advance to some primary objective. In Twilight, there's just everything that happens before the baseball game and then the stuff that occurs after the baseball game.
First it's a story about teenagers at a high school, including Bella's attempts to fit in to a new school and new town. The love triangles. The drama. Remember the dance? Remember Eric? What happened with them? That plot started modestly (the fast-infatuation was a bit much) but went nowhere and everyone at FHS ceased to exist sometime around the sparkle meadow because jumping back into it at Prom didn't give us anything except Tyler's let-down. There was even a fair shot at integrating this plot via Jessica's curiosity and the reactions of Bella's friends at school. Remember the jealousy from Lauren? That was starting to work, why drop it? I guess teen romance got boring and we had to insert some actual problems into the mix.
Next it was a story about Bella and Edward vs the laws of wahmpire love. That took up most of the first 17 chapters and snuck somewhat into the very end of the Hunt story. The climax of that arc was when Bella figured out what Edward really was (the dinner date) and it petered out with the interminable Q&A sessions after. There was a second climax (of sorts) in the meadow. It could be argued that THIS is the main story arc and that it continues up to the hospital scene. That would be true of there were some sort of climax during the rescue in which Edward is shown to have been right all along about the dangers, setting us up for the eventual Bella vampire conversion. Instead, it all gets ignored by the Hunt (moving Edward out of the picture) and deflated by the ballet studio scene.
The final, and honestly the only interesting, arc was the Hunt that started exactly 75% of the way through the book! Stories don't have to be deadly chases to be interesting, but it seems to help here. We're presented an essentially new cast of supporting characters around Bella (Alice and Jasper, who were background noise until now) versus an entirely new antagonist in James. After a good buildup (the Jeep chase, the flights) some actual characterization (Edward's conflicted plans, Bella hurting Charlie's feelings) and a well-built low point for the "protagonist" in the hotel we get a 2 second climax in the dance studio, a weak scare during the pathetic, off-stage rescue where everything we'd been told to worry about is undermined and cast aside, and a denouement in the hospital that involves 2 pages of Renee (returning from page 2) talking to Edward. Where's Charlie? Where are her other friends, even by phone? Hell, give us a throwaway mention of all the phone calls and cards the nurses are holding back until she's well enough! Where's the domestic abuse councilor? What happened to Victoria? Do hospitals really just let surgeons from other hospitals waltz in and take over patients?
In all honesty, this reads like a first-draft. There are good ideas buried in terrible execution and unnecessary, plodding discussion. Bella's Nancy Drew act could have been a true revelation if she hadn't been handed every bit of plot by Jacob and Edward. Edward could have been an interesting character if he had any emotions other than the true-love weirdness OR if he was the Edward of legend in his rebel form, a truly dangerous person to be around. Making him a "vegetarian" is an excuse to avoid the drama and danger that his being a real vampire would provide. The risk of the other vampires is introduced far too late, builds way too quickly and is resolved as an afterthought. Few characters get anything other than a description and a single note of characterization.
Somewhere in there we got Werewolves that went nowhere (apparently on back-burner for later) a pointless rivalry with Rosalie (she could have joined the hunting trio! Drama, conflict, characterization!) and hundreds and hundreds of pages of Bella and Edward yakking about how hard it all was, moping over how unfair it all was and then when it actually gets difficult and the absolute worst happens, it really wasn't all that bad. The plot cheating is rampant (telepathy, precognition) the statuary is both baffling and endless, the pseudo-sexual but no-sex tension is grating and by Tolstoy's toes do the eyes emote.
My eyes = exasperated.
My eyes = relieved it's over.
New Moon? The hell is New Moon?
Oh... right...
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