In Which Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Bella wakes up...
OK, you know what? Drinking game gets "wake up at the start of chapter" as a shot. Suck it up, people.
I get that it's an effective break in chronology to have someone fall asleep at the end of a chapter. The day is over, drop the curtain. But you don't have to wake up to start the next one every single time! Yeah, it's a minor quibble, and doesn't rise to the statuary or eye-emoting of the last book, but it's getting repetitive and I wanted to rant.
So the short of it is that Edward has gone super-distant after the party. Bella feels like change is in the air, so she starts photographing everything to try and lock things in place: Edward, Charlie, group photos, her room. She even passes it around at school. It's not a bad idea, story wise, although I'm amazed that Bella has a film camera rather than a digital one. This sort-of plays a role shortly, but the differences inherent to a digital camera could have been written around easily and wouldn't have dated this chapter in the twentieth century. Whatever, it's still a good psychological insight moment when Bella uses photography in what she knows is a futile effort to make the present permanent, so points.
The upswing is that Edward is leaving. He avoids her at night and doesn't really do much with her during the day and finally takes her way out in the woods and breaks up with her. Why out in the hinterland? No idea. He tells her that the entire Cullen clan is leaving (then updates that with "already gone") and she's not invited along. Buh-bye.
"I don't want you to come with me" he says. He's "not human" and he "won't bother her again".
It's not nearly as awful as I'd thought it might be when I realized the chapter direction. Edward is detached and inhuman and Meyer describes his reactions to Bella's shock effectively enough. I'd love to make fun of the BAW factor, but for a break-up scene in a melodrama, I'm not given a lot of ammunition. Bella sort-of promises not to do anything reckless (plot point) or stupid. It's sad, she's crushed, she's confused. Edward gives you enough clues that he doesn't really mean any of this stuff (so we can have the big reunion later) and boom, she's alone. In the woods. Good job leaving clumserella out in the woods and getting her all hysterical, dummy. Did you also annoy a few bears in the vicinity to really seal the deal?
Bella wanders in a daze and gets lost. Much later she's finally rescued by somebody named Sam (who will disappear for a few chapters), who takes her back to Charlie. Charlie takes her home. Bella tells her dad she got lost and a new doctor looks her over and tells her/everyone/us that Dr. Cullen took a job in LA and has already moved. Charlie reveals that he got Bella's note (that Edward forged). Bella goes upstairs and finds that Edward has taken all of the pictures and the CD he gave her and falls asleep.
We also find out the Werewolves are happy the Cullens are gone.
Which I'm sure means something.
SumUp B-
On the one hand, it's melodramatic and the "leaving her for her own good" angle is straight out of Romance Novel Plots 101 and clearly won't work. Something will draw up the tension/plot and Edward will come save the day or (given the prologue) Bella will go save Edward and we'll get a big kiss at the end.
On the other, it's all written capably and I'm holding on to that like a drowning man. The last book started well, too and If this novel follows the same path downriver we're now perilously close to a quality waterfall that I don't want to go over.. Further, this looks shockingly like the end of the first act! We're only 3 chapters in and we might actually have a second act? I might be imagining things for my own sanity...
Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
T.02.02 Stitches
In Which This Book's Car Crash Happens
The car crash in book 1 was the spark for a long, slow, tedious storyline involving Bella discovering / being spoon fed information to finally reveal Edward's vampirism. This appears to be this book's "car crash" catalyst event. Thankfully, this version doesn't lack the previous one in skill of execution.
Jasper is held back by Emmett, then dragged outside to cool off by Emmett and Rosalie while Carlisle takes Bella into the kitchen to clean & treat her arm. Edward exits to avoid the temptation of all this blood. I will not rant about the climax of book 1. I will not...
What follows is a long conversation between Carlisle and Bella that is, quite frankly, the best bit of dialogue I've encountered in the books thus far. It might even be the best bit of -anything- in the books, certainly the length of good dialogue helps. This is far and away better than any conversation in the first book, and it's essentially just Carlisle distracting Bella while he pulls glass out of her arm and stitches her up. There are motives, concerns, philosophy, religion, character backgrounds and beliefs. It flows, there are moments of humor and concern and it even ends with Bella suggesting that Carlisle could wahmpirize her and his amused refusal. Carlisle even tells Bella (and us) more about Edward's history. His pre vamp name was Edward Mason. He had green eyes. His parents died in the Flu pandemic. Ed's mom asked Carlise to save her son somehow and Carlisle struggled with the idea of converting him to save him because Carlisle questioned whether or not he was damning Edward's eternal soul. This means something later on, but by Lewis' tonsils, that's some real conversation, dang it! Why is this in chapter 2 of book 2!?! Where was this Meyer back when Bella and Edward were moaning about how hard it all was? When Edward was telling Bella that he wasn't spiderman? Did she hire a new editor? GODS WOMAN, you've been holding out on me!
Bella changes clothes and the party breaks up. Edward drives her home in a bad mood and agrees to stay the night and she opens her presents. Carlisle and Esme have bought her plane tickets to visit her mom in Florida. Edward has given her a mix tape. Ok, it's really a CD of him playing the piano to his own compositions, which I admit is an order of magnitude more romatic. I swear I started to write "mix tape?!?" in my notes before I got through the entire description and it made me laugh.
Big kiss and Bella goes to bed. Before she falls asleep, she has a bad feeling. One that no doubt we'll explore in the next chapter.
SumUp: A
And inching toward A+
For the conversation with Carlisle alone, this chapter borders on an A. The wrestling with a blood-enraged Jasper, the reactions of the rest of the wahmpires (almost promoted, thanks to this chapter) and the surrounding story holding up make this perhaps my favorite chapter ever. Carlisle got characterization! Alice got a little. Jasper becomes more real. The vampires do what they should have done in the last book! It's almost good stuff from start to finish and whatever grumbles I have (mostly statuary nonsense) can't drag it down.
It's a whole new world. I'm very encouraged.
The car crash in book 1 was the spark for a long, slow, tedious storyline involving Bella discovering / being spoon fed information to finally reveal Edward's vampirism. This appears to be this book's "car crash" catalyst event. Thankfully, this version doesn't lack the previous one in skill of execution.
Jasper is held back by Emmett, then dragged outside to cool off by Emmett and Rosalie while Carlisle takes Bella into the kitchen to clean & treat her arm. Edward exits to avoid the temptation of all this blood. I will not rant about the climax of book 1. I will not...
What follows is a long conversation between Carlisle and Bella that is, quite frankly, the best bit of dialogue I've encountered in the books thus far. It might even be the best bit of -anything- in the books, certainly the length of good dialogue helps. This is far and away better than any conversation in the first book, and it's essentially just Carlisle distracting Bella while he pulls glass out of her arm and stitches her up. There are motives, concerns, philosophy, religion, character backgrounds and beliefs. It flows, there are moments of humor and concern and it even ends with Bella suggesting that Carlisle could wahmpirize her and his amused refusal. Carlisle even tells Bella (and us) more about Edward's history. His pre vamp name was Edward Mason. He had green eyes. His parents died in the Flu pandemic. Ed's mom asked Carlise to save her son somehow and Carlisle struggled with the idea of converting him to save him because Carlisle questioned whether or not he was damning Edward's eternal soul. This means something later on, but by Lewis' tonsils, that's some real conversation, dang it! Why is this in chapter 2 of book 2!?! Where was this Meyer back when Bella and Edward were moaning about how hard it all was? When Edward was telling Bella that he wasn't spiderman? Did she hire a new editor? GODS WOMAN, you've been holding out on me!
Bella changes clothes and the party breaks up. Edward drives her home in a bad mood and agrees to stay the night and she opens her presents. Carlisle and Esme have bought her plane tickets to visit her mom in Florida. Edward has given her a mix tape. Ok, it's really a CD of him playing the piano to his own compositions, which I admit is an order of magnitude more romatic. I swear I started to write "mix tape?!?" in my notes before I got through the entire description and it made me laugh.
Big kiss and Bella goes to bed. Before she falls asleep, she has a bad feeling. One that no doubt we'll explore in the next chapter.
SumUp: A
And inching toward A+
For the conversation with Carlisle alone, this chapter borders on an A. The wrestling with a blood-enraged Jasper, the reactions of the rest of the wahmpires (almost promoted, thanks to this chapter) and the surrounding story holding up make this perhaps my favorite chapter ever. Carlisle got characterization! Alice got a little. Jasper becomes more real. The vampires do what they should have done in the last book! It's almost good stuff from start to finish and whatever grumbles I have (mostly statuary nonsense) can't drag it down.
It's a whole new world. I'm very encouraged.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
T.02.01 Party
In Which Things Look Remarkably Better
We start with my least-favorite device: the dream sequence. Bella imagines herself as her grandmother with Edward still at her side and is horrified at the prospect. This is and old theme in vampire lore, and by now it's treading a fine line between traditional and cliche (not Meyer's fault). Still, this whole sequence works as a first proper scene to highlight some backstory. We are reminded of Bella's desire to be a vampire, her love of and fear of losing Edward and it even sets up Bella's birthday throughout the rest of the chapter. So it's maybe my least hated dream sequence in the series thus far.
Bella wakes up (Meyer's favorite way to start a Chapter. This is going to become drinking game fodder) on her 18th birthday. It's September (gleaned a little later) so if you want to mark your calendars, there's your first clue. She rushes past Charlie on her way to school and sets up a chapter-long grumble about not celebrating her birthday in any way. This is supported a little by the fears visualized in her dream, although SM does drag it out. Edward and Alice are waiting at FHS and Alice is bubbling about a party that evening for Bella's birthday at the Manor. Bella gripes, Edward deflects and Alice bubbles. Rinse. Repeat.
Bella and Edward argue about her anti-birthday, pro-being-a-vampire stances. He's patient and frustrated. She insists she has to watch Romeo & Juliet for school so boo to any party, he says he'll bring her to the party after the movie to make Alice happy.
Bella has a little inner monologue about money. She recalls that her mom (Renee) was a teacher and made very little, plus Charlie's chief salary wasn't much. She has a part time job at a sports supply store (with Mike, interestingly enough) and she is saving up for college. This contradicts her attitude in Book 1 where she's planning on buying a car when she moves to Forks and never seems to worry about cash. I'd complain, but honestly this is an improvement over the unrealistic financial situation before. Teenagers worry about money and have part time jobs and save for college. That's life, so I'll forgive the earlier book and accept this as the current situation. It also gives Bella a chance to contrast her life with Edward's cash-flush lifestyle and casual disregard for costs. It's a nice spot of characterization, and I'll take whatever I can get.
Ed has worked his dazz to get them into the same classes and the lunch table now contains Bella, Edward, Alice, Mike, Jessica (a couple at the end of the school year, now broken up), Angela, Ben (now a couple), Eric, Tyler, and "not a friend" Lauren (meow!). The rest of the wahmpires have graduated... again, I assume. So we get a good clique recap, a touch of history and a few details like the separation between the vamps and non-vamps now that Edward and Alice are the only vampires left at FHS. All reasonable. All positive stuff.
Edward drives her home so Bella can watch Romeo and Juliet for school. This brings up the topic of suicide and Edward tells Bella that he'd considered killing himself if things hadn't worked out with the whole James & Hunt plotline in the end of the last book. He tells her he'd decided to go to the Volturi, an Italian Vampire clan / family who are ancient and secretive (unlike some we could mention) and powerful and etcetera. Carlisle was once a member/buddy and they're described as sort of vampire royalty (plot point) capable and willing to kill rebellious vampires (blatantly obvious plot point). Bella is upset about the suicide discussion and they argue about it until Charlie comes home.
Charlie gives Bella a camera for her birthday and hits the baseball game, Edward drives her to the Manor where Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett are waiting. She gets a new car stereo, there she cuts her finger on a ribbon and Jasper loses it and attacks her. Since she's the clumsiest person on earth, she crashes into some bowls and further cuts her arm when they shatter. Everyone looks menacing and the chapter curtain falls.
SumUp: A-
Characterization! Conflict! Discussion that doesn't revolve entirely around moping! People other than B&E with described emotions and motivations! No plot cheating devices! Oh the huge manatee!
I don't know if I can stand it. The conversations flow. The story moves. Everything pops and gets described and there are no eyes emoting (that I noticed) and by Frost's knuckles it all makes internal sense. Understand that my rules say I can't complain/score based on things that I've already complained/scored on beyond a certain point, but it's not even a big worry! The love is long-established, whatever my complaints, but it's not awful here. They make out, it's realistic and done well (minus the ongoing health issues). They argue. It's done well. They discuss, it makes sense and nobody is being mysterious or ludicrously subtle/dense or ... oh, it's just a buffet of joy.
The Volteri are obviously a key threat to Edward, so whatever happens, they're going to be involved. I'm not sure how/why, but I'm sure that will be forthcoming.
My limited complaints are:
We start with my least-favorite device: the dream sequence. Bella imagines herself as her grandmother with Edward still at her side and is horrified at the prospect. This is and old theme in vampire lore, and by now it's treading a fine line between traditional and cliche (not Meyer's fault). Still, this whole sequence works as a first proper scene to highlight some backstory. We are reminded of Bella's desire to be a vampire, her love of and fear of losing Edward and it even sets up Bella's birthday throughout the rest of the chapter. So it's maybe my least hated dream sequence in the series thus far.
Bella wakes up (Meyer's favorite way to start a Chapter. This is going to become drinking game fodder) on her 18th birthday. It's September (gleaned a little later) so if you want to mark your calendars, there's your first clue. She rushes past Charlie on her way to school and sets up a chapter-long grumble about not celebrating her birthday in any way. This is supported a little by the fears visualized in her dream, although SM does drag it out. Edward and Alice are waiting at FHS and Alice is bubbling about a party that evening for Bella's birthday at the Manor. Bella gripes, Edward deflects and Alice bubbles. Rinse. Repeat.
Bella and Edward argue about her anti-birthday, pro-being-a-vampire stances. He's patient and frustrated. She insists she has to watch Romeo & Juliet for school so boo to any party, he says he'll bring her to the party after the movie to make Alice happy.
Bella has a little inner monologue about money. She recalls that her mom (Renee) was a teacher and made very little, plus Charlie's chief salary wasn't much. She has a part time job at a sports supply store (with Mike, interestingly enough) and she is saving up for college. This contradicts her attitude in Book 1 where she's planning on buying a car when she moves to Forks and never seems to worry about cash. I'd complain, but honestly this is an improvement over the unrealistic financial situation before. Teenagers worry about money and have part time jobs and save for college. That's life, so I'll forgive the earlier book and accept this as the current situation. It also gives Bella a chance to contrast her life with Edward's cash-flush lifestyle and casual disregard for costs. It's a nice spot of characterization, and I'll take whatever I can get.
Ed has worked his dazz to get them into the same classes and the lunch table now contains Bella, Edward, Alice, Mike, Jessica (a couple at the end of the school year, now broken up), Angela, Ben (now a couple), Eric, Tyler, and "not a friend" Lauren (meow!). The rest of the wahmpires have graduated... again, I assume. So we get a good clique recap, a touch of history and a few details like the separation between the vamps and non-vamps now that Edward and Alice are the only vampires left at FHS. All reasonable. All positive stuff.
Edward drives her home so Bella can watch Romeo and Juliet for school. This brings up the topic of suicide and Edward tells Bella that he'd considered killing himself if things hadn't worked out with the whole James & Hunt plotline in the end of the last book. He tells her he'd decided to go to the Volturi, an Italian Vampire clan / family who are ancient and secretive (unlike some we could mention) and powerful and etcetera. Carlisle was once a member/buddy and they're described as sort of vampire royalty (plot point) capable and willing to kill rebellious vampires (blatantly obvious plot point). Bella is upset about the suicide discussion and they argue about it until Charlie comes home.
Charlie gives Bella a camera for her birthday and hits the baseball game, Edward drives her to the Manor where Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett are waiting. She gets a new car stereo, there she cuts her finger on a ribbon and Jasper loses it and attacks her. Since she's the clumsiest person on earth, she crashes into some bowls and further cuts her arm when they shatter. Everyone looks menacing and the chapter curtain falls.
SumUp: A-
Characterization! Conflict! Discussion that doesn't revolve entirely around moping! People other than B&E with described emotions and motivations! No plot cheating devices! Oh the huge manatee!
I don't know if I can stand it. The conversations flow. The story moves. Everything pops and gets described and there are no eyes emoting (that I noticed) and by Frost's knuckles it all makes internal sense. Understand that my rules say I can't complain/score based on things that I've already complained/scored on beyond a certain point, but it's not even a big worry! The love is long-established, whatever my complaints, but it's not awful here. They make out, it's realistic and done well (minus the ongoing health issues). They argue. It's done well. They discuss, it makes sense and nobody is being mysterious or ludicrously subtle/dense or ... oh, it's just a buffet of joy.
The Volteri are obviously a key threat to Edward, so whatever happens, they're going to be involved. I'm not sure how/why, but I'm sure that will be forthcoming.
My limited complaints are:
- Charlie is fixated on TV baseball. It's the same reason he's used over and over to exit stage right since early in the first book. It's annoying, give the man something to do besides fish and watch baseball. Maybe people really are that boring, but I don't want to read about them.
- The cliffhanger ending to the chapter is crap. I believe this chapter was included at the end of the last book as a way to get readers to continue, and I hate it. We know there'll be tension, why bother dragging us to the party in chapter 1 instead of starting it in 2? For the cliffhanger, obviously. Why not resolve it with Carlisle, like I know you're going to? Cliffhanger. Ugh.
- When Charlie gives Bella the camera there's a brief discussion about Alice. Charlie asks about her. The first reason given is that Alice (in Charlie's eyes) has adopted a big sister role for Bella and is taking on some of the female responsibilities that Charlie would rather dodge. That's fine. Actually, it's more than fine. I'd have used Esme, but so be it. However (big however) the other reason suggested is that Charlie is attracted to Alice. Alice is under cover as a 17 year old, and as far as we know Charlie has accepted that as true. Worse, he's asking his daughter, who is her classmate, about her in a way that suggests all this. Which is almost as creepy as Edward watching Bella sleep. I'm going to have to start a list.
Monday, August 23, 2010
T.02.00 Preface
In Which we get more foreshadowing
Maybe this one means something. Unlike the last one. Which you'd assume, it being a preface and all. This time we get Bella rushing across a courtyard to protect someone, (Edward, one assumes) and it being dream-like and her being far too late to stop something-something horrible.
So after a glass of Scotch and some therapy I'm now holding the second book of the Saga: New Moon. Yes, blue haired lady at the library, I'm reading Twilight. Yes, that makes me perverse, but not for the reasons you're imagining. It seems I'm a literary masochist and my lash of choice is this series.
To recap, given the large expanse of white input-field leftover now that I've given you the whole of the prelude to TS:NM, Bella and Edward are addicted to each others' company for magically applied reasons that are never satisfactorily explained. Edward is consumed by a need to consume Bella, mostly due to her tasty, tasty scent. Bella is overwhelmed by the statuesque physique of Edward in the sense that he is literally stone-like in every physical category. They like to play chicken with Edward's blood-lust in some sick murder-suicide dance The one time this actually became a risk absolutely no blood-lust was to be had. They call this love. I'd call it something else, but I've yet to find the true name for this condition. They like to moan and whinge about how much they want to be together eternally but can't. I like to moan and complain about the content of these books. I call Edward and his ilk wahmpires because of all the wah-wahing he does. There are also werewolves, but we've yet to see any. Maybe that's what the moon refers to, although traditionally werewolves were full-moon, not new-moon. Not that Meyer has much truck with traditional monster mythos. Oh, and on that note, I have a cargo-ship full of bile and rage sitting in dock if Jacob turns out to have been a werewolf all along.
Got all that? No? Then go read the long of it in the full chapter-by-chapter recap.
I've also given my objective senses a good, long, meditative cleansing by screaming at the top of my lungs at the moon and reading a few choice short stories. I think I'm ok. I think.
New Moon has a prologue, 24 chapters and an epilogue. Hang on tight!
Maybe this one means something. Unlike the last one. Which you'd assume, it being a preface and all. This time we get Bella rushing across a courtyard to protect someone, (Edward, one assumes) and it being dream-like and her being far too late to stop something-something horrible.
So after a glass of Scotch and some therapy I'm now holding the second book of the Saga: New Moon. Yes, blue haired lady at the library, I'm reading Twilight. Yes, that makes me perverse, but not for the reasons you're imagining. It seems I'm a literary masochist and my lash of choice is this series.
To recap, given the large expanse of white input-field leftover now that I've given you the whole of the prelude to TS:NM, Bella and Edward are addicted to each others' company for magically applied reasons that are never satisfactorily explained. Edward is consumed by a need to consume Bella, mostly due to her tasty, tasty scent. Bella is overwhelmed by the statuesque physique of Edward in the sense that he is literally stone-like in every physical category. They like to play chicken with Edward's blood-lust in some sick murder-suicide dance The one time this actually became a risk absolutely no blood-lust was to be had. They call this love. I'd call it something else, but I've yet to find the true name for this condition. They like to moan and whinge about how much they want to be together eternally but can't. I like to moan and complain about the content of these books. I call Edward and his ilk wahmpires because of all the wah-wahing he does. There are also werewolves, but we've yet to see any. Maybe that's what the moon refers to, although traditionally werewolves were full-moon, not new-moon. Not that Meyer has much truck with traditional monster mythos. Oh, and on that note, I have a cargo-ship full of bile and rage sitting in dock if Jacob turns out to have been a werewolf all along.
Got all that? No? Then go read the long of it in the full chapter-by-chapter recap.
I've also given my objective senses a good, long, meditative cleansing by screaming at the top of my lungs at the moon and reading a few choice short stories. I think I'm ok. I think.
New Moon has a prologue, 24 chapters and an epilogue. Hang on tight!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Twilight Saga: Twilight SumUp
In Which I Get To Rant
The Book: was easy to read when I didn't stop and wonder at the internal logic. It's not a hard book to digest, it's not even a hard book to like here and there. It is, however, an impossible book to objectively like when you pay attention to the details.
Bella is a damsel in distress who, in 20 and 3/4ths chapters is broadly painted as a mopey, dopey victim in constant need of rescue. We get characterization in her being clumsy, which is overplayed and near comedic, as well as domestic and a bookworm. Most of her conversations with Edward circle around her early frustration with him, then fascination with his kind or his form. The only real spark of life comes when Edward goes back to her room and the Hunt sequence. Her scant contributions to anything plot-related were to expand part of the escape plan so that her father wouldn't think Edward kidnapped her and to throw herself in harms way. Beyond that she was essentially luggage. At no point did she really become the story's protagonist and at no point was I in the least bit concerned for anything but her sanity. This, THIS is the book's main focus!
Edward is a neutered statue of a knight who lives to be enigmatic and sexually frustrated. He only manages to achieve some interest during the dinner scene and his conflicted plotting and planning during Bella's flight, 20 chapters into the book. He is extraordinarily creepy. He has lazy plot-cheating superpowers. He is about as much a 17 year old male as my vacuum cleaner. I don't know why this concoction is supposed to be the perfect love for Bella, nor why the target audience of readers think Edward is some paragon of love.
The Cast of FHS and damn near every other "character" are forgettable and useless. The early teen drama was somewhat annoying, but at least it was in character with the genre and though melodramatic it could easily be titled "things that might happen in a High School" minus the Vampire Choir. Only Mike is painted with any kind of depth and he's written out of the story almost as soon as he was introduced. Jessica and Angela, Bella's so-called friends, essentially end as annoying gossipers. Meyer even reveals her contempt when she has Edward mind-read Jessica and calls her "simple". The economy of Forks is baffling, every student Bella meets has a car and a few seem to have no trouble replacing them when required. Lastly, I don't understand how everyone in town and FHS seems impossibly tolerant of the Cullens and their weirdness. One or two odd things would be "eccentric" but we have a laundry list of very abnormal behavior that should have everyone far more interested in their goings on Understand that in a vampire/monster novel the normal people around Bella and Edward should ideally be a reflection of the reality of the reader. While Bella and Edward slip further from "normal" via the plot we should have her friends' reactions as a guidepost to how far they've gone. The seeds for this are planted in the gossip, jealousy and fascination of her friends, but all that goes away with the sudden shift of focus away from FHS and into the wilderness or Phoenix.
Wahmpires are ludicrous. Meyer has taken normal vampires, neutered them and then applied every possible superpower she needed to advance the plot. They lack common sense, any sense of self-preservation and are ultimately caricatures. They are on the one hand too powerful, being super strong and super fast and having zero physical weaknesses. This robs them of any drama or conflict unless they're fighting each other, which takes the story's protagonist out of the equation completely. Bella cannot help Edward with any problems. In most vampire stories humans can help the vampire by walking in sunlight or dealing with crosses, etc. Here, Edward is a demi-god physically and there are no possible risks to his safety. On the other hand, his one true weakness is his inability (allegedly) to control himself around Bella / blood. This is supposed to establish conflict and tension and danger and at several points in the story, it actually does. The constant baiting (meadow, bedroom) and unnecessarily dangerous situations (running) reveal the lie behind this facade. In the ultimate climax, it barely rates a quiet comment when Edward is tested in what's been presented to the reader as the ultimate, impossible to resist way to break Edward's will/sanity and he skates through unscathed. Why doesn't Edward go berserk? Meyer has already built a safety net with Carlisle and Alice hovering over top of Bella. WHY NOT USE IT? Have them hold him back when his will shatters and he goes all vampy! That would at least have added some weight to this ccoonnnssttaanntt emphasis on Edward's need and the risk they're taking. The only positive in this whole trainwreck was Alice vs James and his manipulation of her cheat-powers, a development that surprised me in it's depth and which actually made sense. Finally (whew!) we get almost no characterization other than Carlisle's backstory, brief mentions of Rosalie's frustration and a tiny spark of life from Alice and Emmett.
The Werewolves: had zero effect. Maybe in the next book they'll be important. Why are we even paying attention to them in the sixth chapter? I'm still ready to rant and rave and go posting postal if Jacob turns out to be a Werewolf. So help me Hemmingway, I shall strike down upon thee!
Final SumUP:
Average Chapter Score: D
Meyer's strengths include wonderful descriptions, in depth conversations (that don't involve B&E or their "love") and a handful of good characterization when she feels the need. (Charlie & the snow chains, flashes of life from Edward, Bella and Mike). The book is easy to read and the story flows nicely whenever Bella and Edward aren't bogging things down with their tedious relationship. There was only any real tension or story progress in the last few chapters, and they were far too short.
Her flaws include what looks to be a baffling definition of love, half-imagined fantasy creatures and jarring plot pacing.
Meyer's "romance" and "love" between Edward and Bella rings false in every possible way. Edward only loves Bella because of some magical, undefined quality that Bella has had bestowed on her by Meyer. Edward describes it as a scent repeatedly. He eventually finds her interesting and intriguing during their conversations (after the dinner date), but mostly he's amused by her constant danger-prone-ness and (rightly) by her insistent need to be with him regardless of risk. It often feels like a cat amused by a persistent mouse, held back from killing it because of some magically applied love. On the other hand, Bella is ensnared by Edward's otherwordly perfection and bizarre statuelike qualities. It's essentially physical plus some drug-addict need that is a magical duplicate "TRUE LOVE" wand-tap from Meyer. So forget whatever you know about relationships and experiences and shared ideas and goals and trust, just wait for the love-hammer to swing down from above to set you up with your true, eternal, unquestionable love.
The plot is hugely problematic because there isn't a single, central plot to follow. It's not a crime to have multiple story arcs, but they have to play second flute to the main plot or at least advance to some primary objective. In Twilight, there's just everything that happens before the baseball game and then the stuff that occurs after the baseball game.
First it's a story about teenagers at a high school, including Bella's attempts to fit in to a new school and new town. The love triangles. The drama. Remember the dance? Remember Eric? What happened with them? That plot started modestly (the fast-infatuation was a bit much) but went nowhere and everyone at FHS ceased to exist sometime around the sparkle meadow because jumping back into it at Prom didn't give us anything except Tyler's let-down. There was even a fair shot at integrating this plot via Jessica's curiosity and the reactions of Bella's friends at school. Remember the jealousy from Lauren? That was starting to work, why drop it? I guess teen romance got boring and we had to insert some actual problems into the mix.
Next it was a story about Bella and Edward vs the laws of wahmpire love. That took up most of the first 17 chapters and snuck somewhat into the very end of the Hunt story. The climax of that arc was when Bella figured out what Edward really was (the dinner date) and it petered out with the interminable Q&A sessions after. There was a second climax (of sorts) in the meadow. It could be argued that THIS is the main story arc and that it continues up to the hospital scene. That would be true of there were some sort of climax during the rescue in which Edward is shown to have been right all along about the dangers, setting us up for the eventual Bella vampire conversion. Instead, it all gets ignored by the Hunt (moving Edward out of the picture) and deflated by the ballet studio scene.
The final, and honestly the only interesting, arc was the Hunt that started exactly 75% of the way through the book! Stories don't have to be deadly chases to be interesting, but it seems to help here. We're presented an essentially new cast of supporting characters around Bella (Alice and Jasper, who were background noise until now) versus an entirely new antagonist in James. After a good buildup (the Jeep chase, the flights) some actual characterization (Edward's conflicted plans, Bella hurting Charlie's feelings) and a well-built low point for the "protagonist" in the hotel we get a 2 second climax in the dance studio, a weak scare during the pathetic, off-stage rescue where everything we'd been told to worry about is undermined and cast aside, and a denouement in the hospital that involves 2 pages of Renee (returning from page 2) talking to Edward. Where's Charlie? Where are her other friends, even by phone? Hell, give us a throwaway mention of all the phone calls and cards the nurses are holding back until she's well enough! Where's the domestic abuse councilor? What happened to Victoria? Do hospitals really just let surgeons from other hospitals waltz in and take over patients?
In all honesty, this reads like a first-draft. There are good ideas buried in terrible execution and unnecessary, plodding discussion. Bella's Nancy Drew act could have been a true revelation if she hadn't been handed every bit of plot by Jacob and Edward. Edward could have been an interesting character if he had any emotions other than the true-love weirdness OR if he was the Edward of legend in his rebel form, a truly dangerous person to be around. Making him a "vegetarian" is an excuse to avoid the drama and danger that his being a real vampire would provide. The risk of the other vampires is introduced far too late, builds way too quickly and is resolved as an afterthought. Few characters get anything other than a description and a single note of characterization.
Somewhere in there we got Werewolves that went nowhere (apparently on back-burner for later) a pointless rivalry with Rosalie (she could have joined the hunting trio! Drama, conflict, characterization!) and hundreds and hundreds of pages of Bella and Edward yakking about how hard it all was, moping over how unfair it all was and then when it actually gets difficult and the absolute worst happens, it really wasn't all that bad. The plot cheating is rampant (telepathy, precognition) the statuary is both baffling and endless, the pseudo-sexual but no-sex tension is grating and by Tolstoy's toes do the eyes emote.
My eyes = exasperated.
My eyes = relieved it's over.
New Moon? The hell is New Moon?
Oh... right...
The Book: was easy to read when I didn't stop and wonder at the internal logic. It's not a hard book to digest, it's not even a hard book to like here and there. It is, however, an impossible book to objectively like when you pay attention to the details.
Bella is a damsel in distress who, in 20 and 3/4ths chapters is broadly painted as a mopey, dopey victim in constant need of rescue. We get characterization in her being clumsy, which is overplayed and near comedic, as well as domestic and a bookworm. Most of her conversations with Edward circle around her early frustration with him, then fascination with his kind or his form. The only real spark of life comes when Edward goes back to her room and the Hunt sequence. Her scant contributions to anything plot-related were to expand part of the escape plan so that her father wouldn't think Edward kidnapped her and to throw herself in harms way. Beyond that she was essentially luggage. At no point did she really become the story's protagonist and at no point was I in the least bit concerned for anything but her sanity. This, THIS is the book's main focus!
Edward is a neutered statue of a knight who lives to be enigmatic and sexually frustrated. He only manages to achieve some interest during the dinner scene and his conflicted plotting and planning during Bella's flight, 20 chapters into the book. He is extraordinarily creepy. He has lazy plot-cheating superpowers. He is about as much a 17 year old male as my vacuum cleaner. I don't know why this concoction is supposed to be the perfect love for Bella, nor why the target audience of readers think Edward is some paragon of love.
The Cast of FHS and damn near every other "character" are forgettable and useless. The early teen drama was somewhat annoying, but at least it was in character with the genre and though melodramatic it could easily be titled "things that might happen in a High School" minus the Vampire Choir. Only Mike is painted with any kind of depth and he's written out of the story almost as soon as he was introduced. Jessica and Angela, Bella's so-called friends, essentially end as annoying gossipers. Meyer even reveals her contempt when she has Edward mind-read Jessica and calls her "simple". The economy of Forks is baffling, every student Bella meets has a car and a few seem to have no trouble replacing them when required. Lastly, I don't understand how everyone in town and FHS seems impossibly tolerant of the Cullens and their weirdness. One or two odd things would be "eccentric" but we have a laundry list of very abnormal behavior that should have everyone far more interested in their goings on Understand that in a vampire/monster novel the normal people around Bella and Edward should ideally be a reflection of the reality of the reader. While Bella and Edward slip further from "normal" via the plot we should have her friends' reactions as a guidepost to how far they've gone. The seeds for this are planted in the gossip, jealousy and fascination of her friends, but all that goes away with the sudden shift of focus away from FHS and into the wilderness or Phoenix.
Wahmpires are ludicrous. Meyer has taken normal vampires, neutered them and then applied every possible superpower she needed to advance the plot. They lack common sense, any sense of self-preservation and are ultimately caricatures. They are on the one hand too powerful, being super strong and super fast and having zero physical weaknesses. This robs them of any drama or conflict unless they're fighting each other, which takes the story's protagonist out of the equation completely. Bella cannot help Edward with any problems. In most vampire stories humans can help the vampire by walking in sunlight or dealing with crosses, etc. Here, Edward is a demi-god physically and there are no possible risks to his safety. On the other hand, his one true weakness is his inability (allegedly) to control himself around Bella / blood. This is supposed to establish conflict and tension and danger and at several points in the story, it actually does. The constant baiting (meadow, bedroom) and unnecessarily dangerous situations (running) reveal the lie behind this facade. In the ultimate climax, it barely rates a quiet comment when Edward is tested in what's been presented to the reader as the ultimate, impossible to resist way to break Edward's will/sanity and he skates through unscathed. Why doesn't Edward go berserk? Meyer has already built a safety net with Carlisle and Alice hovering over top of Bella. WHY NOT USE IT? Have them hold him back when his will shatters and he goes all vampy! That would at least have added some weight to this ccoonnnssttaanntt emphasis on Edward's need and the risk they're taking. The only positive in this whole trainwreck was Alice vs James and his manipulation of her cheat-powers, a development that surprised me in it's depth and which actually made sense. Finally (whew!) we get almost no characterization other than Carlisle's backstory, brief mentions of Rosalie's frustration and a tiny spark of life from Alice and Emmett.
The Werewolves: had zero effect. Maybe in the next book they'll be important. Why are we even paying attention to them in the sixth chapter? I'm still ready to rant and rave and go posting postal if Jacob turns out to be a Werewolf. So help me Hemmingway, I shall strike down upon thee!
Final SumUP:
Average Chapter Score: D
Meyer's strengths include wonderful descriptions, in depth conversations (that don't involve B&E or their "love") and a handful of good characterization when she feels the need. (Charlie & the snow chains, flashes of life from Edward, Bella and Mike). The book is easy to read and the story flows nicely whenever Bella and Edward aren't bogging things down with their tedious relationship. There was only any real tension or story progress in the last few chapters, and they were far too short.
Her flaws include what looks to be a baffling definition of love, half-imagined fantasy creatures and jarring plot pacing.
Meyer's "romance" and "love" between Edward and Bella rings false in every possible way. Edward only loves Bella because of some magical, undefined quality that Bella has had bestowed on her by Meyer. Edward describes it as a scent repeatedly. He eventually finds her interesting and intriguing during their conversations (after the dinner date), but mostly he's amused by her constant danger-prone-ness and (rightly) by her insistent need to be with him regardless of risk. It often feels like a cat amused by a persistent mouse, held back from killing it because of some magically applied love. On the other hand, Bella is ensnared by Edward's otherwordly perfection and bizarre statuelike qualities. It's essentially physical plus some drug-addict need that is a magical duplicate "TRUE LOVE" wand-tap from Meyer. So forget whatever you know about relationships and experiences and shared ideas and goals and trust, just wait for the love-hammer to swing down from above to set you up with your true, eternal, unquestionable love.
The plot is hugely problematic because there isn't a single, central plot to follow. It's not a crime to have multiple story arcs, but they have to play second flute to the main plot or at least advance to some primary objective. In Twilight, there's just everything that happens before the baseball game and then the stuff that occurs after the baseball game.
First it's a story about teenagers at a high school, including Bella's attempts to fit in to a new school and new town. The love triangles. The drama. Remember the dance? Remember Eric? What happened with them? That plot started modestly (the fast-infatuation was a bit much) but went nowhere and everyone at FHS ceased to exist sometime around the sparkle meadow because jumping back into it at Prom didn't give us anything except Tyler's let-down. There was even a fair shot at integrating this plot via Jessica's curiosity and the reactions of Bella's friends at school. Remember the jealousy from Lauren? That was starting to work, why drop it? I guess teen romance got boring and we had to insert some actual problems into the mix.
Next it was a story about Bella and Edward vs the laws of wahmpire love. That took up most of the first 17 chapters and snuck somewhat into the very end of the Hunt story. The climax of that arc was when Bella figured out what Edward really was (the dinner date) and it petered out with the interminable Q&A sessions after. There was a second climax (of sorts) in the meadow. It could be argued that THIS is the main story arc and that it continues up to the hospital scene. That would be true of there were some sort of climax during the rescue in which Edward is shown to have been right all along about the dangers, setting us up for the eventual Bella vampire conversion. Instead, it all gets ignored by the Hunt (moving Edward out of the picture) and deflated by the ballet studio scene.
The final, and honestly the only interesting, arc was the Hunt that started exactly 75% of the way through the book! Stories don't have to be deadly chases to be interesting, but it seems to help here. We're presented an essentially new cast of supporting characters around Bella (Alice and Jasper, who were background noise until now) versus an entirely new antagonist in James. After a good buildup (the Jeep chase, the flights) some actual characterization (Edward's conflicted plans, Bella hurting Charlie's feelings) and a well-built low point for the "protagonist" in the hotel we get a 2 second climax in the dance studio, a weak scare during the pathetic, off-stage rescue where everything we'd been told to worry about is undermined and cast aside, and a denouement in the hospital that involves 2 pages of Renee (returning from page 2) talking to Edward. Where's Charlie? Where are her other friends, even by phone? Hell, give us a throwaway mention of all the phone calls and cards the nurses are holding back until she's well enough! Where's the domestic abuse councilor? What happened to Victoria? Do hospitals really just let surgeons from other hospitals waltz in and take over patients?
In all honesty, this reads like a first-draft. There are good ideas buried in terrible execution and unnecessary, plodding discussion. Bella's Nancy Drew act could have been a true revelation if she hadn't been handed every bit of plot by Jacob and Edward. Edward could have been an interesting character if he had any emotions other than the true-love weirdness OR if he was the Edward of legend in his rebel form, a truly dangerous person to be around. Making him a "vegetarian" is an excuse to avoid the drama and danger that his being a real vampire would provide. The risk of the other vampires is introduced far too late, builds way too quickly and is resolved as an afterthought. Few characters get anything other than a description and a single note of characterization.
Somewhere in there we got Werewolves that went nowhere (apparently on back-burner for later) a pointless rivalry with Rosalie (she could have joined the hunting trio! Drama, conflict, characterization!) and hundreds and hundreds of pages of Bella and Edward yakking about how hard it all was, moping over how unfair it all was and then when it actually gets difficult and the absolute worst happens, it really wasn't all that bad. The plot cheating is rampant (telepathy, precognition) the statuary is both baffling and endless, the pseudo-sexual but no-sex tension is grating and by Tolstoy's toes do the eyes emote.
My eyes = exasperated.
My eyes = relieved it's over.
New Moon? The hell is New Moon?
Oh... right...
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
T.01.25 Epilogue: An Occasion
In Which We Briefly Go To Prom
Dear Ms. Meyer. An Epilogue is classically not just another chapter in the story. I'm not going to argue about it, but I don't see why you didn't just call this chapter 25, especially since you clearly had a sequel already in the works when you finished this.
Charlie is upset... off-camera. I mean, why should we care what's going on with him? Bella doesn't know she's going to the prom (are you serious?), Tyler still thinks he's taking her, Edward lets him down hard over the phone. Then Bella and Edward go. Jacob is there to cut-in and annoy Edward and warn Bella that "We'll be watching". "We" being his father and the Tribe. He doesn't like doing it and brings up "superstition", so he's still not a Werewolf or still isn't in on the fact that anyone else is. I guess this is supposed to reconnect us with the beach party and remind us about the Werewolves.
Bella worries and complains about the dancing until they get there and, like everything else built up to be impossible thus far, this task too turns out to be simple because of Edward's presence. Problem dismissed. Edward +100 Dance Partner.
I'm having a little trouble with the timeline. Bella is in a cast, so several weeks could have gone by since she disappeared to Phoenix, but I don't have it in me to care. Bella confesses she thought Edward was going to put the vamp in her at some sort of gala event, he's upset, they dance. He kisses her. There is eye emoting, just drink as much as you feel necessary at this point. It won't help.
SumUp: D-
I'm absolutely drained by the last chapter and honestly this one doesn't add anything to the missing climax or resolution. It's a tiny nod to the life Bella left behind, but all the events we -should- be seeing are off-camera or ignored altogether. Why do we care about Jacob? He played almost no part in the plot. Why aren't the people we should care about here? No idea.
Rantapaluza next time. I swear.
Dear Ms. Meyer. An Epilogue is classically not just another chapter in the story. I'm not going to argue about it, but I don't see why you didn't just call this chapter 25, especially since you clearly had a sequel already in the works when you finished this.
Charlie is upset... off-camera. I mean, why should we care what's going on with him? Bella doesn't know she's going to the prom (are you serious?), Tyler still thinks he's taking her, Edward lets him down hard over the phone. Then Bella and Edward go. Jacob is there to cut-in and annoy Edward and warn Bella that "We'll be watching". "We" being his father and the Tribe. He doesn't like doing it and brings up "superstition", so he's still not a Werewolf or still isn't in on the fact that anyone else is. I guess this is supposed to reconnect us with the beach party and remind us about the Werewolves.
Bella worries and complains about the dancing until they get there and, like everything else built up to be impossible thus far, this task too turns out to be simple because of Edward's presence. Problem dismissed. Edward +100 Dance Partner.
I'm having a little trouble with the timeline. Bella is in a cast, so several weeks could have gone by since she disappeared to Phoenix, but I don't have it in me to care. Bella confesses she thought Edward was going to put the vamp in her at some sort of gala event, he's upset, they dance. He kisses her. There is eye emoting, just drink as much as you feel necessary at this point. It won't help.
SumUp: D-
I'm absolutely drained by the last chapter and honestly this one doesn't add anything to the missing climax or resolution. It's a tiny nod to the life Bella left behind, but all the events we -should- be seeing are off-camera or ignored altogether. Why do we care about Jacob? He played almost no part in the plot. Why aren't the people we should care about here? No idea.
Rantapaluza next time. I swear.
Monday, August 16, 2010
T.01.23 The Angel AND T.01.24 The Impasse
In Which We... wait... what?
Bella is waking up with Carlisle, Alice and Edward standing over her. She's hurt (head, leg, ribs) and bleeding. She's also been bitten by James and the venom is burning her. The other wahmpires are standing around while Carlisle tries to get her some first aid. Carlisle also needs Edward to suck the venom (and blood) out of her hand.
There's no sign of James, Emmett or Jasper. I assume Esme and Rosalie are still back in Forks. So, drivers, start your engines!
Carlisle orders Edward to suck out the vampire poison while Carlisle fills her with morphine for the leg. Edward is briefly conflicted. Edward sucks her blood. Edward succeeds, then stops and everybody is happy. Carlisle finishes bracing Bella's leg and it's off to the hospital.
End of chapter.
Think I'm kidding? It's six pages long. Six pages. Six. Half the first page is the title of the chapter. Six paperback-book sized pages. Six. It's six pages in which everything we'd been taught about Edward's blood lust has turned out to be a huge exaggeration. All that moaning and griping about how impossibly hard it might be and, hey what do you know, breezed on through in half a dozen pages. Twenty odd chapters of "I'll kill you out of blood lust" and "we can't touch because it's too much" and painful proximity in the dark and really, it all amounts to a gigantic, overblown lie and everything is hunky-dory in SIX (insert swear word of choice) PAGES.
This is the climax to the Hunt story and essentially a climax to the entire book and it's 6 pages long. Irving's molars, after 20 chapters and this, THIS, is all we get. No grand battle with James. No last second battle over Bella's slowly bleeding body. No turmoil or blood-lust or struggle. No Carlisle holding Edward back when he snaps. The grand finale isn't even a fizzle, it's Meyer pulling the curtain off the ongoing lie that is the rest of the novel.
Six pages.
In Which Bella Becomes A Domestic Abuse Victim
Bella awakes in a hospital this time (lots of waking up in the opening page of chapters lately) and Edward is there to fill her in. Mom's on the way, we told everyone you fell down some stairs and we killed James for you. Seems that despite all of Laurent's big words that task wasn't very difficult. It was so easy we took care of it off camera. Good times.
Edward kisses Bella and her EKG stops beeping. Somebody needs to get Carlisle in on this, maybe he can prescribe something. Blood pressure meds or insulin or ephedrine or adrenaline or something. Girl's not going to make it to happy-vampy land if he gets any more physical.
Renee shows up and they have a good discussion, Bella tells her she's going back to Forks and everybody is happy.
Bella tells Edward she wants to be a wahmpire, he argues with her, she tells him that she knows Alice has already seen it in a vision and we're all spared any suspense or drama because now we know what's going to happen. Bella gets some meds and falls asleep cuddling with Edward.
The end.
SumUp F-
Some basic rules of literature:
One chapter left. It's called an Epilogue, but it looks like just another chapter. Which is not what an epilogue is, but I don't care.
I swear to you, I'm absolutely furious about chapter 23. Think back to Star Wars. There's a ton of build up about the Death Star being a huge, indestructible planet-killing fortress. Now imagine that you get a scene after all the ships take off and you cut to two injured guys talking about how they shot it once (off-camera) and it blew up. No rebel pilots died, just a few minor bumps and bruises. Man, that was kind of a breeze. Rebel command is a bunch of whiners.
No. What you got was a dozen deaths, ten minutes of battle and a last second rescue, shot and huge explosion. That's a climax. That's satisfying. That's a payoff.
Bella is waking up with Carlisle, Alice and Edward standing over her. She's hurt (head, leg, ribs) and bleeding. She's also been bitten by James and the venom is burning her. The other wahmpires are standing around while Carlisle tries to get her some first aid. Carlisle also needs Edward to suck the venom (and blood) out of her hand.
There's no sign of James, Emmett or Jasper. I assume Esme and Rosalie are still back in Forks. So, drivers, start your engines!
Carlisle orders Edward to suck out the vampire poison while Carlisle fills her with morphine for the leg. Edward is briefly conflicted. Edward sucks her blood. Edward succeeds, then stops and everybody is happy. Carlisle finishes bracing Bella's leg and it's off to the hospital.
End of chapter.
Think I'm kidding? It's six pages long. Six pages. Six. Half the first page is the title of the chapter. Six paperback-book sized pages. Six. It's six pages in which everything we'd been taught about Edward's blood lust has turned out to be a huge exaggeration. All that moaning and griping about how impossibly hard it might be and, hey what do you know, breezed on through in half a dozen pages. Twenty odd chapters of "I'll kill you out of blood lust" and "we can't touch because it's too much" and painful proximity in the dark and really, it all amounts to a gigantic, overblown lie and everything is hunky-dory in SIX (insert swear word of choice) PAGES.
This is the climax to the Hunt story and essentially a climax to the entire book and it's 6 pages long. Irving's molars, after 20 chapters and this, THIS, is all we get. No grand battle with James. No last second battle over Bella's slowly bleeding body. No turmoil or blood-lust or struggle. No Carlisle holding Edward back when he snaps. The grand finale isn't even a fizzle, it's Meyer pulling the curtain off the ongoing lie that is the rest of the novel.
Six pages.
In Which Bella Becomes A Domestic Abuse Victim
Bella awakes in a hospital this time (lots of waking up in the opening page of chapters lately) and Edward is there to fill her in. Mom's on the way, we told everyone you fell down some stairs and we killed James for you. Seems that despite all of Laurent's big words that task wasn't very difficult. It was so easy we took care of it off camera. Good times.
Edward kisses Bella and her EKG stops beeping. Somebody needs to get Carlisle in on this, maybe he can prescribe something. Blood pressure meds or insulin or ephedrine or adrenaline or something. Girl's not going to make it to happy-vampy land if he gets any more physical.
Renee shows up and they have a good discussion, Bella tells her she's going back to Forks and everybody is happy.
Bella tells Edward she wants to be a wahmpire, he argues with her, she tells him that she knows Alice has already seen it in a vision and we're all spared any suspense or drama because now we know what's going to happen. Bella gets some meds and falls asleep cuddling with Edward.
The end.
SumUp F-
Some basic rules of literature:
- SHOW don't tell. We want to see James get his, not hear about it after. We certainly don't want to hear about it like it was a weather report. SIX PAGES!!!!
- Build UP the Tension: We get one short chapter of anticipation. One of running and boom, she's ok. Thanks, 20 some chapters of nothing, then 2 of build up and you end it in a half-dozen pages. Yes, I am going to go on about it. So much rage.
- Don't Break Your Own Rules: Edward has unstoppable blood lust. James is very powerful. Where did all that go? It's fine if there's a reason, but there was no reason. At least SM tried to get Alice's powers to work consistently, sort of.
- Dangling Threads: It's called denouement. You know, all that stuff after the climax? We get one chapter of Mom & Edward chatting in a hospital room and some mushy B&E conversation.There's one chapter after this, hope you cram some stuff in about all those other people you took the time to introduce us to.
One chapter left. It's called an Epilogue, but it looks like just another chapter. Which is not what an epilogue is, but I don't care.
I swear to you, I'm absolutely furious about chapter 23. Think back to Star Wars. There's a ton of build up about the Death Star being a huge, indestructible planet-killing fortress. Now imagine that you get a scene after all the ships take off and you cut to two injured guys talking about how they shot it once (off-camera) and it blew up. No rebel pilots died, just a few minor bumps and bruises. Man, that was kind of a breeze. Rebel command is a bunch of whiners.
No. What you got was a dozen deaths, ten minutes of battle and a last second rescue, shot and huge explosion. That's a climax. That's satisfying. That's a payoff.
Friday, August 13, 2010
T.01.21 Phone Call AND T.01.22 Hide and Seek
In Which We Get 2 More Phone Calls
Bella wakes to Alice sketching a new vision and realizes it's Renee's house. They call Edward so he can fly down. The phone rings again and it's Renee (to get Bella on the phone), then James. Revealing her mom is a hostage, James orders Bella to come to Renee's house. She secretly writes a good-bye/suicide letter to Edward and asks Alice to deliver it.
That's it. Honestly, it's a 10 page (paperback book sized, at that) chapter and 6 pages of that boils down to James getting Bella to repeat after him so as not to arouse suspicion and to move away from where Alice is sitting. Why doesn't Bella try and work something else out? Why doesn't she talk to the future-looking vampire in the next room? Wave a hand at Alice to get her attention? The cynic in me says it's so we can move the plot toward the obvious conclusion, but I'm really not going to insist this is the way Bella should or would act without some kind of support.
And what's with the chapter break??
In Which Bella Attempts Suicide by Vampire
Since the size of the chapters seems to be related to proximity to the back cover, we get another short one.
Bella rides with Alice and Jasper to the airport, then ditches them and hitches a ride into town on an airport shuttle, then hops a cab to her mom's house. There, James calls and tells her to go to the ballet studio around the corner. Once there, it's revealed that James has tricked Bella with old recordings of Renee, which I admit is plausible enough and a revelation that he was using Alice's powers against them. Here, I'm just going to toss out a huge gold star for Meyer for twisting Alice's cheat-powers into something truly useful. I'd almost forgive the whole precognition nonsense if it weren't for the other times it was used to force the plot or create/deflate tension. Personally, I think Alice just having present time visions would have made this work without the cheats, but lets not look a horse in the mouth.
James monologues and revels, Bella is ... well, something like defeated, I guess. I don't know how else she should feel, what with limited characterization up to this point, but there's not really any terror or anger for a good long while, just defeat and some nausea when James starts up a video recorder.
Then James goes into unexpected exposition about a prior victim who turns out to be Alice. The point here is to establish how he knew Alice had future visions (based on her prior life). This whole background link is somewhat tacked on out of nowhere and we don't get nearly the story I'd have liked. He's already blabbing on about it, why not expand this into some characterization for both Alice and James and any number of other members of the Cullen clan? Instead we get a paragraph of background and a few mentions. Another missed opportunity.
James gets his vampire creep on, knocks Bella down and starts to beat her. First he breaks her leg, then its the face, then she's flying into mirrors. Once the blood starts flowing he prepares to feed, Bella passes out and the chapter ends.
SumUp: B-
It's a fair ruse, get her to come to him using a fake hostage and Alice's powers. I can live with that. Bella's reaction, however... not so much. Yeah, she loves her mother, but to toss out the option of rescue, especially with a literal house full of vampires at your disposal seems awfully rash. Still, I guess you don't know until it's your choice. I'm particularly happy to see and actual VAMPIRE in this book do something a Vampire would logically do. The gloating was good at first, but I sort of wanted James to be everything the rest of the vampires aren't and the long, comic book super-villain shtick annoyed me a bit. The connection to Alice seems wasted once the "fooled you" bit is done and I really wanted more fight out of Bella, even some sass or anger or something. Instead she's defeated, then flees about three inches before getting stomped. Maybe that's too much realism given the situation, I just see the end of this book coming with little chance for Bella to blossom.
Not to predict too much, but I'm guessing Alice & Jasper will show up to save her. I don't know how early for his plane they were or if they'd go searching or wait for Edward. I'm assuming they'd just leave the airport to track her down, but I don't know if the smell-tracking is as universal as the other powers. I won't be shocked if Edward shows up, though.
Of course, she's bleeding everywhere, so that gives us some actual danger in the sense that Bella's cavalry will be faced with that challenge. I'm actually looking forward to the next chapter for the first time in a long time. This would have been an A or A+ chapter if only it weren't so incredibly short!
Bella wakes to Alice sketching a new vision and realizes it's Renee's house. They call Edward so he can fly down. The phone rings again and it's Renee (to get Bella on the phone), then James. Revealing her mom is a hostage, James orders Bella to come to Renee's house. She secretly writes a good-bye/suicide letter to Edward and asks Alice to deliver it.
That's it. Honestly, it's a 10 page (paperback book sized, at that) chapter and 6 pages of that boils down to James getting Bella to repeat after him so as not to arouse suspicion and to move away from where Alice is sitting. Why doesn't Bella try and work something else out? Why doesn't she talk to the future-looking vampire in the next room? Wave a hand at Alice to get her attention? The cynic in me says it's so we can move the plot toward the obvious conclusion, but I'm really not going to insist this is the way Bella should or would act without some kind of support.
And what's with the chapter break??
In Which Bella Attempts Suicide by Vampire
Since the size of the chapters seems to be related to proximity to the back cover, we get another short one.
Bella rides with Alice and Jasper to the airport, then ditches them and hitches a ride into town on an airport shuttle, then hops a cab to her mom's house. There, James calls and tells her to go to the ballet studio around the corner. Once there, it's revealed that James has tricked Bella with old recordings of Renee, which I admit is plausible enough and a revelation that he was using Alice's powers against them. Here, I'm just going to toss out a huge gold star for Meyer for twisting Alice's cheat-powers into something truly useful. I'd almost forgive the whole precognition nonsense if it weren't for the other times it was used to force the plot or create/deflate tension. Personally, I think Alice just having present time visions would have made this work without the cheats, but lets not look a horse in the mouth.
James monologues and revels, Bella is ... well, something like defeated, I guess. I don't know how else she should feel, what with limited characterization up to this point, but there's not really any terror or anger for a good long while, just defeat and some nausea when James starts up a video recorder.
Then James goes into unexpected exposition about a prior victim who turns out to be Alice. The point here is to establish how he knew Alice had future visions (based on her prior life). This whole background link is somewhat tacked on out of nowhere and we don't get nearly the story I'd have liked. He's already blabbing on about it, why not expand this into some characterization for both Alice and James and any number of other members of the Cullen clan? Instead we get a paragraph of background and a few mentions. Another missed opportunity.
James gets his vampire creep on, knocks Bella down and starts to beat her. First he breaks her leg, then its the face, then she's flying into mirrors. Once the blood starts flowing he prepares to feed, Bella passes out and the chapter ends.
SumUp: B-
It's a fair ruse, get her to come to him using a fake hostage and Alice's powers. I can live with that. Bella's reaction, however... not so much. Yeah, she loves her mother, but to toss out the option of rescue, especially with a literal house full of vampires at your disposal seems awfully rash. Still, I guess you don't know until it's your choice. I'm particularly happy to see and actual VAMPIRE in this book do something a Vampire would logically do. The gloating was good at first, but I sort of wanted James to be everything the rest of the vampires aren't and the long, comic book super-villain shtick annoyed me a bit. The connection to Alice seems wasted once the "fooled you" bit is done and I really wanted more fight out of Bella, even some sass or anger or something. Instead she's defeated, then flees about three inches before getting stomped. Maybe that's too much realism given the situation, I just see the end of this book coming with little chance for Bella to blossom.
Not to predict too much, but I'm guessing Alice & Jasper will show up to save her. I don't know how early for his plane they were or if they'd go searching or wait for Edward. I'm assuming they'd just leave the airport to track her down, but I don't know if the smell-tracking is as universal as the other powers. I won't be shocked if Edward shows up, though.
Of course, she's bleeding everywhere, so that gives us some actual danger in the sense that Bella's cavalry will be faced with that challenge. I'm actually looking forward to the next chapter for the first time in a long time. This would have been an A or A+ chapter if only it weren't so incredibly short!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
T.01.20 Impatience
In Which We Loiter in a Hotel Room
Bella wakes up in a hotel room still fleeing James with the help of Jasper and Alice. She's in Phoenix and road weary. We get some chit chat between Bella and the still undeveloped Alice and Jasper where they try and reassure her that she's not in immediate danger. We get more description of the room than the two vampires, but it is a nice description.
Bella asks Alice about becoming a wahmpire, naturally, and Alice fights her for about half a paragraph before launching into the gist of it. We get vampies = poisonous, so put that on your checklist. This is key as an envenomed victim will eventually become a wahmpire after suffering for quite a while and, one assumes, not dying. Then the heart stops (add that to the list) and you're done. So now we have the wall of pain between Bella and her eventual wahmpiredom.
There's some vision by Alice regarding James. He's stopped following the bait and is headed back to Forks where something something vision cloudy insert 25cents ask again later. Then Edward calls. Finally, they figure out Alice's vision indicated a dance studio near Renee's house in Pheonix, which implies that James knows where it is. Bella calls her mom and leaves a message.
SumUp: C+
That's really it. The chapter builds moderate tension and advances the hunt a bit, but given a chance for Bella and Jasper or Alice to bond or argue or grow in any way we instead get phone calls from Edward and Alice's plot-powers. Making us more aware of Bella's fear is good, making us more aware of her love is just piling on. While Alice is the most developed of Edward's siblings, she's still barely more than a name and a description. Here, she's somewhat helpful and thoughtful, but her main job is to have visions and to describe what's going on with the rest of the Clan.
In fact, the most developed characters outside Bella and Edward are still Charlie and Mike, and we haven't seen Mike in 9 chapters. I miss Mike. Oh, and did Bella's truck survive OK?
So this is wasted opportunity on top of wasted opportunity. We've finally got things moving forward in this new plotline but the chapters are getting shorter and shorter! Is Meyer just anxious to wrap it up? You've got a sympathetic vampire in Alice, how about some conversation? How about some of that endless Q&A from Bella? Have Jasper tell us his background as a way to distract Bella from the endless waiting. Have the two vamps argue about something or share some sort of emotional moment to show they're not simply plot mechanics. Jasper was supposed to be somewhat opposed to Bella and Edward, although not nearly to the level of Rosalie. Why? How When? SOMETHING? Anything? You love conversations, Meyer!
Bella wakes up in a hotel room still fleeing James with the help of Jasper and Alice. She's in Phoenix and road weary. We get some chit chat between Bella and the still undeveloped Alice and Jasper where they try and reassure her that she's not in immediate danger. We get more description of the room than the two vampires, but it is a nice description.
Bella asks Alice about becoming a wahmpire, naturally, and Alice fights her for about half a paragraph before launching into the gist of it. We get vampies = poisonous, so put that on your checklist. This is key as an envenomed victim will eventually become a wahmpire after suffering for quite a while and, one assumes, not dying. Then the heart stops (add that to the list) and you're done. So now we have the wall of pain between Bella and her eventual wahmpiredom.
There's some vision by Alice regarding James. He's stopped following the bait and is headed back to Forks where something something vision cloudy insert 25cents ask again later. Then Edward calls. Finally, they figure out Alice's vision indicated a dance studio near Renee's house in Pheonix, which implies that James knows where it is. Bella calls her mom and leaves a message.
SumUp: C+
That's really it. The chapter builds moderate tension and advances the hunt a bit, but given a chance for Bella and Jasper or Alice to bond or argue or grow in any way we instead get phone calls from Edward and Alice's plot-powers. Making us more aware of Bella's fear is good, making us more aware of her love is just piling on. While Alice is the most developed of Edward's siblings, she's still barely more than a name and a description. Here, she's somewhat helpful and thoughtful, but her main job is to have visions and to describe what's going on with the rest of the Clan.
In fact, the most developed characters outside Bella and Edward are still Charlie and Mike, and we haven't seen Mike in 9 chapters. I miss Mike. Oh, and did Bella's truck survive OK?
So this is wasted opportunity on top of wasted opportunity. We've finally got things moving forward in this new plotline but the chapters are getting shorter and shorter! Is Meyer just anxious to wrap it up? You've got a sympathetic vampire in Alice, how about some conversation? How about some of that endless Q&A from Bella? Have Jasper tell us his background as a way to distract Bella from the endless waiting. Have the two vamps argue about something or share some sort of emotional moment to show they're not simply plot mechanics. Jasper was supposed to be somewhat opposed to Bella and Edward, although not nearly to the level of Rosalie. Why? How When? SOMETHING? Anything? You love conversations, Meyer!
Monday, August 9, 2010
T.01.19 Goodbyes
In Which Bella grows a tiny bit of Spine.
So the plan goes into action. Why this needed a chapter break is beyond me. Emmett and Alice go scouting the terrain while Bella bursts into the house and pretends to angrily break up with Edward to convince Charlie that she wants the hell out of Forks and to hopefully convince an eavesdropping James that she's going elsewhere. This plays quite well (both in story and in presentation) and we're back in the Jeep in no time with Edward racing Bella back to Wahmpire Manor for protective custody. As with the last chapter, this is all exciting, well scripted and readable, especially Bella's mean-spirited attack on Forks to convince Charlie she means business for his own good. It's very cold and she knows it and regrets it. She does what's necessary in the situation, so gold star.
As we race away Emmett and Alice rejoin the party and let everyone know that James is in hot pursuit. Bella takes the opportunity to find out how to kill a Vampire (chop up and burn, ew) which I'm going to pretend means she's filing it away for killing OTHER vampires besides James.
When they arrive, they meet Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, and Rosalie for the Cullens plus Laurent, who reveals that he's not actually the leader of the trio. He's heading for higher ground rather than get squashed between the clans. Exit stage right, guess we'll never see him again. The plan is to send Bella with Jasper and Alice while Esme and Rosalie take her truck as bait. Edward, Carlisle and Emmett will then hunt down and kill James and Victoria.
SumUp: B+
The frantic planning reads very well and there some minor characterization with Rosalie (who doesn't want to participate). There's even a moment when Jasper is nice to Bella.
The main problem is that Bella is still just a passenger on this boat. She's doing almost nothing to move the plot forward or resolve it. She helped some in the car in the last chapter and it's unrealistic to think she could have much to do in this particular superhuman situation, but it's a long pattern of Bella the endangered girl in an environment where Meyer has robbed her of any potential useful input. The break-up charade has been exactly the only time she's shown any initiative or backbone outside the now long-forgotten high school drama and love triangle, and it was written extremely convincingly.
Also, why are these chapters so short?
So the plan goes into action. Why this needed a chapter break is beyond me. Emmett and Alice go scouting the terrain while Bella bursts into the house and pretends to angrily break up with Edward to convince Charlie that she wants the hell out of Forks and to hopefully convince an eavesdropping James that she's going elsewhere. This plays quite well (both in story and in presentation) and we're back in the Jeep in no time with Edward racing Bella back to Wahmpire Manor for protective custody. As with the last chapter, this is all exciting, well scripted and readable, especially Bella's mean-spirited attack on Forks to convince Charlie she means business for his own good. It's very cold and she knows it and regrets it. She does what's necessary in the situation, so gold star.
As we race away Emmett and Alice rejoin the party and let everyone know that James is in hot pursuit. Bella takes the opportunity to find out how to kill a Vampire (chop up and burn, ew) which I'm going to pretend means she's filing it away for killing OTHER vampires besides James.
When they arrive, they meet Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, and Rosalie for the Cullens plus Laurent, who reveals that he's not actually the leader of the trio. He's heading for higher ground rather than get squashed between the clans. Exit stage right, guess we'll never see him again. The plan is to send Bella with Jasper and Alice while Esme and Rosalie take her truck as bait. Edward, Carlisle and Emmett will then hunt down and kill James and Victoria.
SumUp: B+
The frantic planning reads very well and there some minor characterization with Rosalie (who doesn't want to participate). There's even a moment when Jasper is nice to Bella.
The main problem is that Bella is still just a passenger on this boat. She's doing almost nothing to move the plot forward or resolve it. She helped some in the car in the last chapter and it's unrealistic to think she could have much to do in this particular superhuman situation, but it's a long pattern of Bella the endangered girl in an environment where Meyer has robbed her of any potential useful input. The break-up charade has been exactly the only time she's shown any initiative or backbone outside the now long-forgotten high school drama and love triangle, and it was written extremely convincingly.
Also, why are these chapters so short?
Friday, August 6, 2010
T.01.18 The Hunt
In Which We Meet REAL Vampires
So our first view of the other vampires. Cat-like, predatory, dressed very casually, animalistic. They are Laurent, Victoria and James. They are, it seems, Real Vampires. There are pleasantries exchanged with Carlisle, who seems intent on converting them, and the three agree to return to Wahmpire Manor. Then the breeze picks up and they catch scent of Bella....
Wait. During the last chapter Alice said she could smell Bella across the ballfield and that running was useless since the trio would then be inspired to hunt her. You know what? Whatever. They catch scent of Bella, there's posturing and questions and the Laurent agrees not to kill her. It's all very civil. Emmett, Alice and Edward leave with Bella while the rest of Clan Cullen go home.
When they reach the Jeep, Edward reveals that James is a tracker who is going to kill Bella. Edward takes off driving with the intent to spirit Bella out of town, but she won't leave Dad. The three wahmpires quickly conclude they'll have to kill the three vampires (wow, some brutality from the monsters) while Bella argues that she should fly home to Phoenix until everything blows over. They argue some more about tricking James or getting him to do this and that, but it boils down to Bella getting out of Dodge vs killing the three Vampires.
And that's it. Seriously, that's the end. Nobody actually gets hunted or anything and it takes a dozen pages to kick this off.
SumUp: B
The conversation is roundabout, but if yo can actually feel the flow of logic and emotion in the discussion. The wahmpires (I may promote Alice and Emmett) are trying to work out a real plan given a difficult situation. The concern works, the race to get her away pours some desperately needed characterization into Edward and you get a real sense of intensity, anger and fear. If only there were more of this in the prior 17 chapters!.
I still don't get why the great tracker didn't know there was a human in the crowd, but I'm not going to belabor the point. Maybe she was downwind.
So our first view of the other vampires. Cat-like, predatory, dressed very casually, animalistic. They are Laurent, Victoria and James. They are, it seems, Real Vampires. There are pleasantries exchanged with Carlisle, who seems intent on converting them, and the three agree to return to Wahmpire Manor. Then the breeze picks up and they catch scent of Bella....
Wait. During the last chapter Alice said she could smell Bella across the ballfield and that running was useless since the trio would then be inspired to hunt her. You know what? Whatever. They catch scent of Bella, there's posturing and questions and the Laurent agrees not to kill her. It's all very civil. Emmett, Alice and Edward leave with Bella while the rest of Clan Cullen go home.
When they reach the Jeep, Edward reveals that James is a tracker who is going to kill Bella. Edward takes off driving with the intent to spirit Bella out of town, but she won't leave Dad. The three wahmpires quickly conclude they'll have to kill the three vampires (wow, some brutality from the monsters) while Bella argues that she should fly home to Phoenix until everything blows over. They argue some more about tricking James or getting him to do this and that, but it boils down to Bella getting out of Dodge vs killing the three Vampires.
And that's it. Seriously, that's the end. Nobody actually gets hunted or anything and it takes a dozen pages to kick this off.
SumUp: B
The conversation is roundabout, but if yo can actually feel the flow of logic and emotion in the discussion. The wahmpires (I may promote Alice and Emmett) are trying to work out a real plan given a difficult situation. The concern works, the race to get her away pours some desperately needed characterization into Edward and you get a real sense of intensity, anger and fear. If only there were more of this in the prior 17 chapters!.
I still don't get why the great tracker didn't know there was a human in the crowd, but I'm not going to belabor the point. Maybe she was downwind.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
T.01.17 The Game
In Which Wahpires Play Silly Sports
Edward drives Bella home to find Billy and Jacob waiting. There's a long "don't date the vampire" wink and nod and hint routine with Billy and Bella where Billy seems both genuinely concerned about Bella's involvement with Edward and completely incapable of just telling her what's going on. He clearly knows that she knows and she knows that he knows etc etc etc, but Billy won't simply warn her with some sort of real information. Why? I guess he's read the script, too. On one hand it supposedly heightens our concerns about Edward (but doesn't) and gives us something to attach to Billy (friendly, concerned, etc).
Then Edward is introduced to Charlie, which lasts for ten seconds, and Billy & Charlie are off to the ball game. There's another bit of "running" where Edward soothes Bella's nerves using a nice section of "trust me, I'm kissing you" persuasion, she closes her eyes and they're at Wampire Stadium.
If you haven't figured it out, read the book yourself or seen the movie, Wampireball is baseball on a larger scale because they're VAMPIRES, get it?!? The bases are further apart, they run super fast to catch the ball and if it doesn't sound silly, then I'm not doing it right. They play during thunderstorms because hitting the ball.. you get the picture. Edward is, naturally, fantastic at this.
Bella sits in the "stands" with Esme while Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie play Edward, Carlisle, and Alice. The game is interrupted when Alice realizes the visiting vampires have heard the game and are on their way. At least they could fill out the infield.
SumUp C-
Wampire baseball is silly. Period. It's adapting a game built to human skill, limitations, talent and speed to creatures who are none of these. Scaling up doesn't make the game Vampire-sized, it just makes it a bigger human game. The fact that they can only compete in very specific conditions makes it even worse. Why wouldn't Vampires compete in purely Vampire games that don't need these weird situations? They've had centuries to work something out that would allow them to compete out of sight (and hearing range) of their prey. You know why?, because the author would have to invent the game and explain the rules and then describe it so we all understood and were entertained. I'd mention Quiddich here, but while that one is well described and interesting to read about, the rules are nonsensical. Instead what we get is a team of superpowered beings goofing off on a baseball diamond.
Aside from W.L.B., the whole conversation with Billy is a wasted opportunity to pass on real information about the Vampires or Werewolves from someone who might have an informed opinion. Who cares what Charlie thinks of the Cullens? He thinks they're just the eccentric family of foster kids. So instead of building up tension or establishing something about Edward that we didn't already know, we get a "be careful" lecture. So either we know everything we need to know about Edward (big sexless boring statue) or Billy has nothing to add and we could have shortened that conversation to a passing comment.
Edward drives Bella home to find Billy and Jacob waiting. There's a long "don't date the vampire" wink and nod and hint routine with Billy and Bella where Billy seems both genuinely concerned about Bella's involvement with Edward and completely incapable of just telling her what's going on. He clearly knows that she knows and she knows that he knows etc etc etc, but Billy won't simply warn her with some sort of real information. Why? I guess he's read the script, too. On one hand it supposedly heightens our concerns about Edward (but doesn't) and gives us something to attach to Billy (friendly, concerned, etc).
Then Edward is introduced to Charlie, which lasts for ten seconds, and Billy & Charlie are off to the ball game. There's another bit of "running" where Edward soothes Bella's nerves using a nice section of "trust me, I'm kissing you" persuasion, she closes her eyes and they're at Wampire Stadium.
If you haven't figured it out, read the book yourself or seen the movie, Wampireball is baseball on a larger scale because they're VAMPIRES, get it?!? The bases are further apart, they run super fast to catch the ball and if it doesn't sound silly, then I'm not doing it right. They play during thunderstorms because hitting the ball.. you get the picture. Edward is, naturally, fantastic at this.
Bella sits in the "stands" with Esme while Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie play Edward, Carlisle, and Alice. The game is interrupted when Alice realizes the visiting vampires have heard the game and are on their way. At least they could fill out the infield.
SumUp C-
Wampire baseball is silly. Period. It's adapting a game built to human skill, limitations, talent and speed to creatures who are none of these. Scaling up doesn't make the game Vampire-sized, it just makes it a bigger human game. The fact that they can only compete in very specific conditions makes it even worse. Why wouldn't Vampires compete in purely Vampire games that don't need these weird situations? They've had centuries to work something out that would allow them to compete out of sight (and hearing range) of their prey. You know why?, because the author would have to invent the game and explain the rules and then describe it so we all understood and were entertained. I'd mention Quiddich here, but while that one is well described and interesting to read about, the rules are nonsensical. Instead what we get is a team of superpowered beings goofing off on a baseball diamond.
Aside from W.L.B., the whole conversation with Billy is a wasted opportunity to pass on real information about the Vampires or Werewolves from someone who might have an informed opinion. Who cares what Charlie thinks of the Cullens? He thinks they're just the eccentric family of foster kids. So instead of building up tension or establishing something about Edward that we didn't already know, we get a "be careful" lecture. So either we know everything we need to know about Edward (big sexless boring statue) or Billy has nothing to add and we could have shortened that conversation to a passing comment.
Monday, August 2, 2010
T.01.16 Carlisle
In Which We Desexualize Wahmpires Completely
Edward gives us a long backstory on Carlisle, which I summed up in the last review. It's reasonably interesting and gets us the vegetarian sect we now have in which Daddy Wampirebucks rescues people and converts them into vegan-pires. Then they live in a big mansion with a stable full of exotic European cars and pretend to be High School Students.
Wait.
First, does the IRS have anyone glancing at the payroll at Forks General Hospital? I guess Carlisle is old money. Small town doctors, surgeons or not, are not often found living in mansions with 5 foster children all driving BMWs.
Next, I'm just going to mention "low profile" and roll my eyes.
Finally, why High School? From the outside looking in, I think it's either because SM misses her alma mater or (in more mercenary terms) knew exactly where to find her target audience. But from the inside it doesn't make much sense. We're told explicitly that they don't look like HS kids. Being ancient they're going to be too worldly and knowledgeable to easily pass as gawky, immature teenagers and should realistically know all the material they're "learning". It's also creepy. They might as well drive windowless vans instead of Volvos. Why not go to a university? They could major in something different every decade, there are plenty of older students and they could hang out with people who are at least above legal drinking age (do wahmpires drink?). Or go to a big city and join the hipster or bohemian crowd. Or go hang out at middle schools and be done with it.
Carlisle's story serves as a source for his vegan lifestyle and a chance to toss in some wahmpire lore. They're hard to kill, they don't breathe...
Wait.
WHAT? Wahmpires don't have to BREATHE? Edward was breathing earlier! Bella mentions his hot, hotty breath! Edward says they breathe out of "habit" but that's nonsense. Nobody does things habitually with no reward for a century. It's an attempt to make them inhuman that just loads them down with more poorly though-out ideas. They don't breathe but they still smell things and themselves smell. Where do they get oxygen from? Are they really getting all their energy from animal blood? That would require an insane amount of blood.... nevermind.... happy thoughts.
Oddly enough, Edward is still waiting for Bella to bail on this relationship at any moment because he's revealed that one detail that she can't absorb. Personally, I jumped ship back in chapter 4 or so, but she's pretty much in for the haul because she lacks some brain function in which reason, logic and self-preservation intersect. Also, I don't have access to the script to which my life is tied, so I can't look forward and know that I'm not going to be eaten by these things.
Finally, we sum up Carlisle as being the uber-wahmpire with zero blood lust. Plot point? Probably. It's fair enough, but it's presented as being important so you don't miss it.
Edward then reveals some of his own backstory (yay) describing how he once rebelled against Carlisle. He fell back on Vampire ways and (again) KILLED PEOPLE. We sort of knew that already, but he goes into detail. Bella is not phased in the least. They were all not-nice people, though, so there's that. Bella gets over it.
Finally, they finish the tour in Edward's "bedroom". The room is as neutered as Edward is. There's a sofa, stereo system and a ton of CDs. It's a den, more or less, without any bed to suggest sex or any of the other things that would make this an actual usable bedroom. There's also no shackles, no pile of bodies or anything else to mark Edward as a risk. This is, essentially, the final castration of Edward. We know he can't be intimate with Bella out of fear of crushing her skull (exact quote), but does that mean that wahmpires don't have any sex? You know, with each other where blood-lust/physical damage wouldn't be an issue? I thought the other 4 were paired off in some neat package deal? That could just be for show, but at some point we have to reconcile Eward's sexual drive around Bella with 80 years of being able to dazzle women. Bella outed herself as a virgin, are we going to get nothing on Edward's romantic history?
The big CD collection is intended to show Edward as worldly and sophisticated and that's fine, but it returns to my earlier point about pretending to be High School Students. They're not on the same level and it's a waste of time for them to be lurking around the FHS cafeteria.
There's some playful wrestling that works for a bit, but Edward's statuesque qualities show that he's just toying with Bella physically. Then Alice and Jasper arrive and have some nice, far too short sibling banter that makes the scene better. Then they mention a baseball game and ... scene.
SumUp B-
While describing his rebel years Bella imagines Edward as an avenging vigilante figure, dark and dangerous and saving maidens in the alleys of ... wherever he was. It's a short tale and sadly I was a thousand times more interested in that version of Edward than I am in the mopey wahmpire statue one who lives in a record store "bed" room and sparkles in meadows full of flowers. Why can't we hear that story instead? Why can't we have a dark, conflicted Edward who mourns his lost humanity and holds on to a thin "I only kill evil people" mantra to save his fleeting sanity? You can still have the two-dimensional Bella in distress loitering around if you want! How horrible is it when the background details are more interesting than the present character?
So the B comes from the stories and the siblings and the fact that all the nonsense is old hat by now.
Sadly, the other interesting bit of chapter involves the visiting Vampires who will no doubt mean something. I would love to see the end of Act 1 at some point and see some conflict because I refuse to accept their star-crossed love as the primary conflict of this book. I had some hope for the Werewolves to make a move, but I'll accept human-munching invader vampires. I'm sure the Werewolves are just biding their time.
Just somebody... anybody... DO SOMETHING.
Edward gives us a long backstory on Carlisle, which I summed up in the last review. It's reasonably interesting and gets us the vegetarian sect we now have in which Daddy Wampirebucks rescues people and converts them into vegan-pires. Then they live in a big mansion with a stable full of exotic European cars and pretend to be High School Students.
Wait.
First, does the IRS have anyone glancing at the payroll at Forks General Hospital? I guess Carlisle is old money. Small town doctors, surgeons or not, are not often found living in mansions with 5 foster children all driving BMWs.
Next, I'm just going to mention "low profile" and roll my eyes.
Finally, why High School? From the outside looking in, I think it's either because SM misses her alma mater or (in more mercenary terms) knew exactly where to find her target audience. But from the inside it doesn't make much sense. We're told explicitly that they don't look like HS kids. Being ancient they're going to be too worldly and knowledgeable to easily pass as gawky, immature teenagers and should realistically know all the material they're "learning". It's also creepy. They might as well drive windowless vans instead of Volvos. Why not go to a university? They could major in something different every decade, there are plenty of older students and they could hang out with people who are at least above legal drinking age (do wahmpires drink?). Or go to a big city and join the hipster or bohemian crowd. Or go hang out at middle schools and be done with it.
Carlisle's story serves as a source for his vegan lifestyle and a chance to toss in some wahmpire lore. They're hard to kill, they don't breathe...
Wait.
WHAT? Wahmpires don't have to BREATHE? Edward was breathing earlier! Bella mentions his hot, hotty breath! Edward says they breathe out of "habit" but that's nonsense. Nobody does things habitually with no reward for a century. It's an attempt to make them inhuman that just loads them down with more poorly though-out ideas. They don't breathe but they still smell things and themselves smell. Where do they get oxygen from? Are they really getting all their energy from animal blood? That would require an insane amount of blood.... nevermind.... happy thoughts.
Oddly enough, Edward is still waiting for Bella to bail on this relationship at any moment because he's revealed that one detail that she can't absorb. Personally, I jumped ship back in chapter 4 or so, but she's pretty much in for the haul because she lacks some brain function in which reason, logic and self-preservation intersect. Also, I don't have access to the script to which my life is tied, so I can't look forward and know that I'm not going to be eaten by these things.
Finally, we sum up Carlisle as being the uber-wahmpire with zero blood lust. Plot point? Probably. It's fair enough, but it's presented as being important so you don't miss it.
Edward then reveals some of his own backstory (yay) describing how he once rebelled against Carlisle. He fell back on Vampire ways and (again) KILLED PEOPLE. We sort of knew that already, but he goes into detail. Bella is not phased in the least. They were all not-nice people, though, so there's that. Bella gets over it.
Finally, they finish the tour in Edward's "bedroom". The room is as neutered as Edward is. There's a sofa, stereo system and a ton of CDs. It's a den, more or less, without any bed to suggest sex or any of the other things that would make this an actual usable bedroom. There's also no shackles, no pile of bodies or anything else to mark Edward as a risk. This is, essentially, the final castration of Edward. We know he can't be intimate with Bella out of fear of crushing her skull (exact quote), but does that mean that wahmpires don't have any sex? You know, with each other where blood-lust/physical damage wouldn't be an issue? I thought the other 4 were paired off in some neat package deal? That could just be for show, but at some point we have to reconcile Eward's sexual drive around Bella with 80 years of being able to dazzle women. Bella outed herself as a virgin, are we going to get nothing on Edward's romantic history?
The big CD collection is intended to show Edward as worldly and sophisticated and that's fine, but it returns to my earlier point about pretending to be High School Students. They're not on the same level and it's a waste of time for them to be lurking around the FHS cafeteria.
There's some playful wrestling that works for a bit, but Edward's statuesque qualities show that he's just toying with Bella physically. Then Alice and Jasper arrive and have some nice, far too short sibling banter that makes the scene better. Then they mention a baseball game and ... scene.
SumUp B-
While describing his rebel years Bella imagines Edward as an avenging vigilante figure, dark and dangerous and saving maidens in the alleys of ... wherever he was. It's a short tale and sadly I was a thousand times more interested in that version of Edward than I am in the mopey wahmpire statue one who lives in a record store "bed" room and sparkles in meadows full of flowers. Why can't we hear that story instead? Why can't we have a dark, conflicted Edward who mourns his lost humanity and holds on to a thin "I only kill evil people" mantra to save his fleeting sanity? You can still have the two-dimensional Bella in distress loitering around if you want! How horrible is it when the background details are more interesting than the present character?
So the B comes from the stories and the siblings and the fact that all the nonsense is old hat by now.
Sadly, the other interesting bit of chapter involves the visiting Vampires who will no doubt mean something. I would love to see the end of Act 1 at some point and see some conflict because I refuse to accept their star-crossed love as the primary conflict of this book. I had some hope for the Werewolves to make a move, but I'll accept human-munching invader vampires. I'm sure the Werewolves are just biding their time.
Just somebody... anybody... DO SOMETHING.
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