T.01.12 Balancing

In Which Disconnected Stuff Happens

Billy and Jacob come by (they actually show up at the very end of the last chapter) and Jacob confronts Bella about her relationship with Edward. She admits to it and Jacob laughs. Then tells her that Billy isn't happy about it. Then they watch the game with Charlie and they leave.

Wait, what? I'm still not sure what's going on with Jacob. He cannot possibly be a Werewolf. Plus this whole section of the chapter is oddly disconnected from the previous chapter.Was there some other reason to have the two show up? Is there some Tribal link? Will this actually go anywhere? Can I just keep asking questions or do I have to continue reading?

The next day Ed picks Bella up for school and grills her about more boring factoids. They rearrange their Saturday plans because... well, there really weren't any plans except to not be in Forks on dance day and Edward surely has a whole universe of banal facts to pry out of her.

Nice Note: They finally get around to talking about the rest of the Cullens.

Bad Note: It's been 245 pages and we finally get around to talking about the four other vampires sitting in the cafeteria. As this goes on, Rosalie puts the dazzle on Bella until Edward stops her. Then Alice comes over (when it rains vampires...) and she's super hottie and somewhat nice and full of life... or whatever and boom, she's gone. So them's the sisters, I guess. Oh, and Rosalie is the supermodel, Alice is the pixie. Now we've got everyone situated in their unique descriptive box.

Bella monologues about the relationship being "poised on the edge of a knife" and I monologue about "what are you talking about?".

Here's what we know so far:

• Bella has gone all-in with Edward. All the angst and kvetching changes nothing. She made that decision on page 141 in Chapter SEVEN and hasn't moved one inch from it and doesn't look like she's going to try.
• Edward seems unable or unwilling to put an end (my way or not) to the relationship.
• Edward's family has ignored the relationship completely with the exception of an attempted dazzling by one sibling. This implied consent doesn't make survival sense, but it all but ensures they won't get in the way.
• The town is blind to anything wahmpire or werewolf related, so safety isn't an issue.
• SM keeps assuring us that this is a love for the ages, so we don't have to worry about it.

Seeing how Edward is perpetually 17 and Bella isn't, the only way this works is to make her a wahmpire. That's just basic math. Edward won't do this casually, of course, because it takes crazy control (described earlier in the book and later on in more detail and it will be repeated ad nauseum). That leads up to my prediction involving the next big thing in the books: Bella will get hurt and Edward will only be able to save her by turning her and he'll have to super-crazy fight the blood lust that ensues but he will and that'll solve everyone's problems. Horray, they can stop going on about it and live foreverafter as dual statues of love. Maybe on a nice fountain.

I don't know if this will happen in this book. I'm guessing they'll make it through the rest of the  book with some kind of Werewolf problem or other non-biting Bella sort of issue that Edward will have to save Bella from. If history is an indicator, Bella's problems will be solved with absolutely zero input from her.

Tolkien's Trousers, there's a chapter going on without me. Bela does laundry (not very interesting this time) and dopes herself up on cold meds to get some sleep with the big Saturday Date tomorrow. There's an annoying amount of "don't try this at home" tacked on to this section of the chapter, guess Ms. Meyer doesn't want to get SUED.

Bella acts like a junkie in need of a fix until Edward arrives, then they pack up and leave. Edward's surprise? Hiking. Cue the "clumsy" adjective, it resurfaces repeatedly. Amazingly, despite Edward's suggestion and the blindingly obvious logic of it Bella has refused to update Dad/Charlie on her new plans, so he's still under the impression Bella is en route to Seattle by herself in the supertruck. So once again Edward has Bella all to himself in a remote area with no one to help her or stop him and a pretty good alibi. Which is idiotic from both MY perspective: she's made it easy for him to remove her as a threat, AND from Edward's perspective: there's no safety net and they're out in sharp, pointy nature with the clumsiest girl in the history of the universe. Even swallowing all the nonsense thus far, this is Edward rolling the dice on his yet-to-be-tested self control around a bleeding Bella. I hope that Edward at least told his family where he was going in case the one person on earth he can't ensure via telepathy isn't plotting to kill him doesn't have a gravedigger's shovel and a wooden stake in the truck bed. I know, dare to dream. So... idiocy points for everyone!

Hope you brought a flask for this hike:

• eyes = annoyed
• chest = chiseled
• Godlike & angel. Same sentence, so you can double up if you feel like playing hardcore mode.

Several hours and zero turned ankles later, they reach a meadow of wildflowers, which I admit would be pretty romantic stuff. It'd have been even better with a trail or path or road, and I'm not sure why Edward has this romantic card in his deck at all, being a loveless vampire for the last century, but ok.

• eyes = cautious
• eyes = wary
• eyes = reluctant

We end the chapter just prior to the big reveal, which I'm already aware of. The build up is endless and you'd think when he walked into the light he turned into some kind of bat-beast or was covered in bees or... gods, anything else. Just anything else.

SumUp:C+
SM plays to her strengths with the natural world descriptions and travel, so things roll along after we get the mysterious Billy and Jacob visit and junkie morning out of the way. The whole scene with Edward's sisters implies there's going to be an unrealistic range of feelings amongst his family members, probably ranging perfectly from thrilled to hating it (but not killing Bella). We'll see. The problems of motive and plot logic are still there and the eye emotes are reaching a fever pitch. The irredeemable idiocy of Edward taking Bella hiking by themselves is the anchor around this chapter's neck.

Stay tuned for the sparkles!